What Happens Now
by wandb
Summary: Rewrite! Two best friends. One big city. What happens when they unlock a passion they never knew existed? Can they survive going back to reality or will their desires change their destiny? BxE All human. Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Chapter 1 The Tavern

**A/N: Hi everyone! This is a rewrite of my first fic. I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter One: The Tavern**

**Bella**

It was only about 6:00 when I arrived at The Tavern, but I noticed my friends had already gotten a head start.

The Tavern was our local hangout. It was a small dive bar, and all the staff knew us by name. It smelled of stale beer, but I was used to it, almost comforted by it, in fact. We almost always started off here when we went out and ended up going out somewhere else after a few drinks.

I grabbed a beer at the bar and walked over to the table where Alice and Jasper were sitting.

"Hey Bella, glad you could finally make it," Alice said.

"Finally? It's only 6:00. You guys must have been dying to get out of work," I replied, appreciating their infectious enthusiasm for happy hour. They could always be counted on to meet up for a drink.

"You know how it's been at work lately," Jasper said, taking a swig of his beer. "Banner's been on a tirade this week, and the last thing I wanted was to be his designated asshole for the day. I couldn't leave there fast enough."

"Yeah, sadly, I got stuck in a meeting with him this afternoon. Apparently, _I_ was the designated asshole. Otherwise, I'd totally have joined you earlier. What was with him this week? I mean, who calls a meeting so late on Friday?" I asked, sliding into the barstool.

"I felt so bad for you. I saw you in the conference room with Banner and knew you were being tortured. I'm so glad I dodged that bullet. Anyway, it's great you could make it," Jasper replied, holding up his glass to toast me.

"Thanks. I wish you could have saved me. He was droning on and on." I rolled my eyes and made hand gestures for effect. "How'd you pull that off, anyway?"

"A very strategically timed trip to Accounting. They're my saviors on Friday afternoons. I can hide out of Banner's sight and still have some pretense of working."

"Well, you might have company next week."

He laughed knowingly.

"Hey, is Jake coming?" he asked, his voice attempting to hide his contempt. Jake wasn't very popular amongst my friends, and they were pretty obvious about it.

"Try not to act so excited. And no, he's got something else going on."

"Something else? That's guy hangs on you like flies on shit. I'm surprised he was willing to let you out of his sight for the night. Especially if he knew Cullen would be out."

"Eww, he's not that clingy, is he?"

Both Alice and Jasper gave me a look like I was an idiot.

"Okay, maybe he _is_ a little clingy. It didn't start out like that, but he keeps telling me he wants to 'take our relationship to the next level'…" I rolled my eyes as I made air quotes. "…which apparently to him means being together nonstop. Yeah, not gonna happen. I swear, what happened to all the good guys? Why do I always get stuck with the lame ones?"

I sounded like I was throwing my own pity party.

"I thought you liked him?" asked Alice.

"Ugh, I do, I guess. I mean, he's a nice guy. I just can't see it progressing beyond what it already is, and he keeps bugging me about it. I feel bad, but he annoys me at times. Plus, he's not the brightest bunny in the forest, and it's hard to be around, but I guess it's better than having no one to hang out with at all."

"Wow, now who's acting excited? You actually made me feel sorry for the guy," Jasper teased.

"I know. I shouldn't be so harsh. It's just that I've been on WAY too many first dates lately and that gets really old. I was hoping Jake had potential, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. What's with guys now? Are they all losers? I could tell you stories that would make your head spin," I confessed sadly.

"This sounds interesting. I love a good story. How come you haven't mentioned them before?" Jasper asked curiously, taking a sip of his beer as he motioned to the waitress to bring another pitcher. "Have they really been that bad?"

"You have no idea. And I never mentioned them because they're embarrassing." I hid my face in my hands in mock shame.

"I love embarrassing. Especially when it's you." Jasper flashed his winning smile, and I knew there was no way I was going to get out of telling my horror stories.

"Let's see, there was the guy who wanted to show me the view from his place, and when I went to the bathroom, he stripped down naked and stood on the deck waiting for me."

"Shut the hell up," Jasper said, his loud voice drawing attention from several tables. "He just dropped trou?"

"You actually had a date do that?" Alice added, shocked.

"Oh yes, I did. He was a real prize. It was hilarious, actually. Well, at least now it is. At the time, I was horrified. I just walked into the room, having no idea that he was naked on the balcony, and WHAM! The date had been going fairly well up to that point, or at least I thought it had. When I saw him, I burst into hysterical laughter. He didn't even seem that embarrassed. He just muttered something about how he knew it might not work. Who does that?" I shuddered at the memory.

"It might not work?" Jasper asked, cracking up. "That's a fucking understatement. Did he even know you at all? What was he doing? Playing the odds that you'd be so excited you'd jump into the sack with him?"

"I guess. What possible response was he hoping for? Did he think I was going to be like 'Oh honey, thank God you didn't waste any time? Let's go!'?"

"Hey, apparently it's a numbers game. Even if one out of ten girls falls for it, he's still getting laid one time, which is more than a lot of guys can say."

"Oh God, please don't remind me." I was thankful the waitress had just arrived with our pitcher, so I could drown the horrible memories from my brain.

"You don't have to settle for jerks like that, Bella. You could have anyone you wanted if you would just give guys a chance," chimed in Alice.

"Um, I believe I _was_ giving him a chance." I raised my eyebrows and chuckled. "I'm nice to guys, but there just aren't that many decent ones out there. You're lucky you have Jasper. You have no idea what it's like. The dating scene is dismal."

Alice just shook her head. It was as close as I was getting to a ceasefire for the night.

Alice was my roommate and my best girl friend. Usually, I was better friends with guys, but she was the exception. Whereas I was a very mellow and private person, she was boisterous and outgoing. I kept her grounded and rational, and she helped me be more outgoing and fun. She'd known me since college and always knew how to cheer me up, and she definitely wouldn't let me indulge in self-pity.

She'd been dating Jasper for two years now. Jasper and I worked together for a pharmaceutical company and became fast friends. When I introduced them, I felt like I did a good deed getting them together because they'd been inseparable ever since. He was more in touch with his emotional side than most guys were, which made him a great confidante. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many times he'd had to be a shoulder for me to cry upon. He was funny, sarcastic and real and like a brother to me. I was so happy he'd found someone who deserved him.

Just then, Emmett and Edward walked in with a girl who looked as if she'd just stepped right out of a bathing suit modeling gig. She was tall with long, blonde hair and was absolutely gorgeous. After grabbing a couple of drinks, they joined us. Emmett introduced the girl as Rosalie, whom he had met at the gym. She smiled and shook all of our hands. She seemed nice enough. I hoped for Emmett's sake that she wasn't a bimbo and would treat him right. He was a great guy and hadn't had the best luck with dating recently. Out of all my guy friends, he was the one who most wanted a girlfriend. Yet, the girls he'd dated recently all had issues. I could definitely identify with his plight. I admit I was a little protective of my friends, so I was skeptical of Rosalie. It was probably an unfair reaction since I didn't know her at all, but experience told me to expect the worst.

Emmett and Edward were brothers and Jasper's childhood friends. They all moved to Seattle from a small town called Forks to attend college. Edward just finished his final year of medical school, and Emmett worked as a high school football coach. It was the perfect job for Emmett. Most people's first impression of him was that he was intimidating, but he was a total teddy bear. He was just confident, and not everyone knew how to deal with it. He played college football but had to quit when he blew out his knee. It nearly killed him because he was so passionate about playing. I was so glad he still got to be involved with the sport. He was great with the kids, too, and they all loved him. If Emmett was in the room, it was impossible to ignore him. He constantly made me laugh, as he was the embodiment of "what you see is what you get."

Edward and I had been great friends since I met him. He was tall and had a thick mane of bronze hair that always had that 'just been fucked' look. If I was being completely honest, he was totally hot. He will make some girl VERY happy one day. With us, it was always just so easy; we just clicked. I didn't have to deal with all of the bullshit that usually came with girl friends. There was nothing petty about Edward and me. We said what we felt, and we accepted each other unconditionally.

I could call Edward up on a moment's notice, and he'd be there for me. He was like a chameleon, always knowing just what I needed at any particular time. He was a fun guy when I needed fun, and he could be serious when I needed to be serious. On multiple occasions, he let me babble and cry in front of him and never judged me for it. I could tell him anything, and he'd never tell a soul. He was my rock, and it was really comforting to have a friend like that.

His only obvious flaw was that he was a total womanizer, which bothered me a little. I tried to separate the Edward I knew with the one I saw with girls, but it wasn't always easy. It was like I knew a completely different Edward than everyone else did.

He seemed to have no interest in a long-term relationship. The girls he was with all looked at him like they wanted him to be the future father of their children, which was unfortunate for them. I think, in some ways, it helped him to have a female friend so he could get the girl's perspective on things; not that it changed how he behaved. Occasionally, I actually felt bad for the girls he brought around, but it wasn't often. They weren't the discriminating types. "You get what you pay for," I'd always told him.

Thank God I didn't have to date him, though; I knew all his secrets – ugly or otherwise.

"I'll be back," Edward mumbled as his eyes fixed intently on a cute girl at the bar.

_Oh, here we go._

We all watched in amusement as Edward hit on – more liked swooped in on - some poor, unsuspecting girl. She had no idea who she was dealing with and probably thought he was actually interested. He had girls eating out of his hands with very little effort. I sometimes felt sorry for the girls because they had no idea how little interest he really had, but they usually were the types who only based their opinions on a pretty face, and that Edward had.

"I see Edward didn't waste any time," I chuckled to everyone at the table.

"Ew, and look at her," Alice said, feigning disgust. "I hope he doesn't expect us to entertain her all night like he did last time."

"The dude's a machine," Jasper said, still staring over his shoulder.

"Yeah, he's money, and she's just like a little bunny rabbit waiting for him to pounce on her," Emmett said, channeling his inner Vince Vaughn for his best Swingers impersonation.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Alice asked, confused.

"Haven't you ever seen _Swingers_?"

"No. Why? Should I have?" Alice still didn't get it.

"It's only the greatest Vince Vaughn role ever. You've got to watch it," Emmett said, seemingly amazed she hadn't seen the movie.

"You really should see it, Alice. It's funny and definitely worth watching," I agreed.

As I looked over to where Edward and the random girl were standing, I had to comment on the sight. "I wonder what he actually says to them to get them to be so ga-ga over him? I mean, look at her. She's eating up whatever he's saying."

"Does he have to say anything at all? He could be reciting the phone book, and girls would still fall all over him," Alice added.

Everyone nodded. It was a generally accepted truth.

"That's true, he is gorgeous. But, Alice, would you ever fall for some cheesy pick up line? Have you heard his shtick?" I scrunched up my face and winced. "It's pretty bad. I think I'd have to laugh in the guy's face."

"Maybe he should just drop trou; I hear that works pretty well." Jasper laughed, and I had to admit he was funny.

"Doesn't look like he needs to. He can keep his dignity intact…well somewhat."

Alice, still pondering my question, finally responded. "No I wouldn't fall for one of his lines, but whatever he says, it works on the girls he hits on. He never gets turned down. I mean, check them out. What's it been? Like five minutes? They're already making out."

We all glanced over to see Edward and the aforementioned bimbo kissing at the bar.

"Wow, he's good. Like I said - machine," Jasper said reverently, earning him a pinch from Alice.

I shrugged and chuckled into my beer. The last thing I wanted to see was Edward making out with some random chick, but I had to hand it to him, Edward was nothing if not consistent.

We decided to take the party to Edward and Emmett's place once happy hour was over. The drinks were cheaper, and we could actually hear each other talk, which couldn't be said about The Tavern after dark. On our way out, we motioned to Edward, and he promptly disposed of the bimbo and joined us.

"Wow, that was quick," I said, elbowing him in the side. "You dropped her like a bad habit."

He shrugged. "It was just a kiss."

"So let me guess, Edward, she's a rocket scientist? Your conversation looked very deep and intellectual," I chided.

"Oh yeah, she's a real intellectual," he said with a smile.

"Did you even get her name?"

"Actually I did. It's Lauren, if you must know. I think she said she was a teacher or something. I wasn't really listening. Anyway, it doesn't matter, though since I'll never see her again," he answered.

"Nice, Edward. Really nice. You know, one day karma's going to bite you in the ass."

"Let me guess, I'll be haunted by three ghosts?"

"Funny. I'm just saying payback's a bitch. I'm glad I'm not your roommate. I wouldn't want to have my house burned to the ground by a scorned former hookup of yours."

"Hey, I don't force anyone to do anything. They all come willingly."

"You're disgusting. Truly," Alice said with a smirk.

"Yeah, but you love me anyway," he responded as he elbowed her lightly.

"Yes, we do love you, but gross," Alice said, faking a shiver as she pretended to wipe off his germs.

I hooked my arm in his. "I do have to give credit where credit is due. You're obviously great in the sack because the girls just line up to take a beating from you. It's like they're all glutton for punishment."

"It's all about the attitude, Bella darling. All about the attitude. Besides, I don't see any of them complaining about their beatings."

"True. They're too busy relaxing in their post-coital bliss to even notice. Actually, I'm kind of jealous. I could use a little post-coital bliss, myself," I lamented and sighed as I recalled how much I missed being intimate with someone special.

"What, isn't poor Jakey living up to your standards?" Emmett squeezed my shoulder.

"Blech, don't go there. Suffice it to say I'm still looking for that rock-my-world experience, and it hasn't been with Jake."

"Sorry to hear that, Bella. You know, maybe I could help you out." Edward's voice was filled with innuendo and sarcasm.

"No, I'd rather not add contracting an STD to my list of accomplishments this year."

"Ouch. For the record, I'm always safe. And it's my opinion that you need to get laid. Badly."

"Can we just drop it please? As fun as I know it is talking about my sex life, or complete lack thereof, it's totally depressing me."

Thankfully, Edward just threw his arm over my shoulder and let it go as we walked to our cars. I really didn't want to think about my pathetic dating situation any longer than absolutely necessary.

Once we were at Edward's place, Emmett made us all a round of margaritas, which went down easily, as they just happened to be my favorite drink. It seemed as if everything was going really well with Emmett and Rosalie, too. My earlier impression of her was misguided. She fit right into our group and made plenty of sarcastic comments, which we all loved. We could be a tough group to get to know because we're all complete smart asses, but Rosalie held her own. I winked at Emmett to let him know I approved, not that he needed my stamp of approval. He smiled sheepishly back at me, and I could tell he was happy she was fitting in.

After a few hours, we were all happily buzzed off our margaritas when the doorbell rang, and Edward hopped up to grab the door.

_Late Night Tanya. Who else?_

"Oh great, Late Night Tanya is here," I rolled my eyes and tried not to hurl my margaritas. That would be a waste.

"Who's Late Night Tanya?" Rosalie asked, leaning over to me in an attempt to be discreet.

"She's Edward's booty call." I made little attempt to keep my voice low. "She never makes an appearance before midnight, thus the nickname. I can't believe she doesn't get the hint that he wants nothing to do with her during the daylight. Poor thing has no idea he was just making out with another girl a few hours ago. Actually, now that I think about it, she probably doesn't even care as long as she gets hers."

"Sounds like a real catch." Rosalie glanced toward the front door to catch a glimpse.

"Oh yeah. She's a treat."

Late Night Tanya walked in and gave Edward a hug as she glared at all of us. None of us said anything to her other than give her a fake smile and nod. She was used to this treatment, though, so we didn't bother putting on appearances. She was only there for one reason, and apparently, she was cool with that.

I wasn't blind. Tanya was tall and blonde, with a body that would make most supermodels envious. When I first met her, I wondered why she would resort to cheapening herself like she did. But as time went on, I realized she's just nasty. I mean, N.A.S.T.Y. I really didn't know what Edward saw in her, other than the free and convenient sex. It was strange, though, because he could do so much better than that. She was like his puppet. She never questioned him or denied him anything. He acted like a complete dick to her, using her and spitting her out, and she just kept coming back for more. I couldn't pretend to understand the allure, but then there were a lot of things about Edward I didn't understand when it came to girls. It was like Edward had a double life – the one I knew and this cheap, sleazy one. Was that really what guys wanted? Was that really what _he_ wanted?

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. This is based on my experiences in my twenties. We were a crazy bunch. Our group of friends had Late Night Susan instead of Tanya– yuck! **

**I'm going to be updating this quickly – probably multiple updates per week. **

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta and my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779. **

**Leave me some love! **


	2. Chapter 2 Adventure

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.**

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**Chapter Two: Adventure**

**Edward**

I thought it was fucking hilarious my friends called Tanya "Late Night Tanya". If she knew, she'd probably freak out. But then, I did only call her after several drinks and only at night. It made being with her bearable. The last thing I wanted was to have any type of relationship with her. Tanya was gorgeous but not much of a conversationalist.

No matter, we didn't do much talking when we were together.

_I know, I'm a dick. _

I led Tanya into my room so we could get the party started. I hadn't called her in a little over a week, so it was time to work her into the rotation so she didn't feel the need to have the "what are we doing" speech.

My friends didn't even bother hiding their disapproval. Emmett and Jasper didn't usually give me too much shit about Tanya, but Bella and Alice didn't even try to hide their disgust.

Tanya was always so willing and eager to please. Tonight was no exception.

I just wanted to be done with her so I could send her on her way. I couldn't say that sex (or anything else for that matter) was that great with Tanya, but she sufficed. On occasion, I felt badly about how things were with us, but I couldn't seem to break myself of calling her. She never complained about our arrangement, so I didn't feel too guilty. At least it was better than playing my own trumpet.

When I'd had my fill of her, I walked her to the door. I was a little self-conscious because she'd been a little more rambunctious than normal, and I could tell my friends had heard us. Tanya didn't seem bothered in the slightest as she grabbed her purse and made for the door. She knew better than to ask me if she could stay. I never let girls stay at my place. It was too messy, and I wasn't usually that excited to see them in the morning. I didn't want to feel obligated to hang out with them all day or take them to breakfast. It was just easier to have them gone when I got up.

I joined the rest of my friends in the living room after seeing Tanya to the door. No surprise, Alice and Bella threw me disapproving glances.

"There are some things that can't be unheard. I need to scrub my brain with bleach." Bella scrunched up her face in disgust.

"Yeah…uh…sorry about that," I said, scratching the back of my neck nervously.

"Oh please, Edward. You probably encouraged her," Alice chimed in.

"We got a little carried away."

Emmett and Jasper laughed, but the girls just rolled their eyes. What could I really say? It was exactly what it looked like, and I didn't feel the need to sugar coat it.

I knew the girls thought I was disgusting, but where else was I going to get laid and not have to deal with the hassle of a girlfriend? I didn't have time for a relationship, nor did I want one. Tanya was hassle-free. Plus, I'd been so busy with school there was no way I could handle a relationship. I didn't want to be tied down to one person and be responsible for their happiness. I could barely take care of my own.

Besides, Alice and Bella were the exception, not the rule, when it came to women. They were easy to talk to and get along with. I didn't need to baby-sit them or worry about them getting crazy on me. I'd dated enough women to know that the more normal they seemed at first, the crazier and more fucked up they usually were. I seemed to be a magnet for stalkerish, crazy girls, and that was the last thing I needed right now.

"I think you set a new speed record, Edward. She was in and out in less than a half hour. Not to mention the vocal performance. Bravo, my friend," Alice said with a perky smile, clapping her hands. At least she could joke about it, even though I knew she disapproved.

"What can I say? She's efficient. You guys are just jealous you're not getting any right now," Edward replied.

"Hey, I fully intend to hit this when I get home tonight," Jasper said as he grabbed Alice's ass with a shit-eating grin.

"Oh yeah, baby. I love me some good smexin' after twelve margaritas. In fact, I'm getting hot just thinking about it," Alice replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm as she elbowed him in the chest.

"Hey, I'll take twelve-margarita sex any day over not getting any at all," Emmett's voice was a big as his personality. We all laughed. Clearly he was drunk and hoping to get into Rosalie's pants.

"I thought you said you wanted it to be special, Schmoopy?" Rosalie said as she pinched Emmett's cheeks, smirking at him. Yeah, he wasn't going to get lucky tonight. I loved that she just called him out like that. She was going to fit right in with our group.

"Ew, I think I'd rather be a cat lady and spend my life with BOB than be with Tanya though," Bella remarked, slightly slurring her words. She was so cute with a buzz.

"BOB?"

"Battery-operated boyfriend."

I laughed as I realized she was referring to a vibrator. It was kind of a turn on to think of, actually.

"I don't know what you see in her. She's just…ew," Bella continued, while I was still thinking about the vibrator visual.

"Well, she's got the right parts," I said, shrugging, wanting to change the subject. My friends knew how I was, but I didn't really want to have a serious discussion about my shortcomings.

Wanting to lighten the mood, I came up behind her, grabbed her hips and pretended to dry hump her. "You know, Bella, maybe you just need a little TLC. I'm sure I could help you out."

"Very nice moves, Edward. Very nice, indeed. I'm sure that move has the girls dropping their panties quicker than you can say 'giddy up cowboy'," Bella laughed as she slapped my hands to get me to release her.

"Actually, it does," I replied. I liked fucking around with Bella. She made me laugh.

She turned to give me a playful jab in the shoulder, and I started tickling her sides. She hated being tickled, and it was always my way to get her to back down. We fell onto the couch, and I straddled Bella to get a better advantage. She kicked me and tried to break free to no avail.

Finally, Bella got her hand out of my grip and put it on my chest.

"Oh my God, you have to stop tickling me. I'm going to pee my pants," she said, trying to catch her breath.

"Do you give up?" I said, tightening my grip on her.

She nodded, and I climbed off her. She sat up and tried to compose herself, while I sat smugly next to her.

"What did I do to deserve tickling?" she asked after she'd gotten herself together. "I thought we were friends."

"I just couldn't resist." I put my arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "Sorry if I made you pee your pants."

I got up and grabbed us both beers from the fridge to make amends.

"Hey guys, I forgot to tell you this," Bella said as I sat down again and handed her the beer. "I have to go to New York for a conference next week. Anyone want to come?"

"Are you being serious?" I asked.

"Totally. I'd love some company. They've got me booked in some huge room, in a great hotel in Midtown, and there's plenty of room. So all you'd have to buy is a plane ticket. I even get a per diem expense account. Please someone come with me? I really don't want to spend four days in New York by myself."

Bella's pouty face was difficult to resist. She almost always got what she wanted, and I had to admit it sounded ideal.

"I've never been to New York, but I've always wanted to go. It's also perfect timing since I just finished classes," I responded, still doubtful that this might actually happen. "You're really serious?"

"Of course I am. It'll be so much fun." Bella was bouncing in her seat like a child.

I thought about it for a second. When else would I get a chance to go to New York for so cheap?

Bella could tell I'd made up my mind and clapped as she said, "It's settled then. You're coming. Sorry, but Late Night Tanya is NOT invited."

I laughed. Bella cracked me up. "Fair enough. Maybe I'll just call her up and have some good phone sex."

"Don't even think about it. We'll be sharing a room, and I'd have to kill myself if I heard or saw that."

Bella watching me…hmmm…that was kind of a turn on, too.

_What's going on with me tonight?_

Bella didn't let up. "Anyone else? We could make it a party!"

"I can't," Jasper said. "I already went to that conference, and I don't have any vacation time. Plus, Banner won't want both of us out at the same time."

"You're probably right. He'd have a fit," Bella said with a sad look on her face. "What about you, Emmett?"

"I'm swamped with stuff at school right now, so I can't go," Emmett added.

"Alice?" Bella asked, still bouncing in her seat.

"No can do," she responded. "We've got a major deadline at work, and my boss will kill me if I try and bail. Sounds like fun, though."

Bella hooked her arm in mine. "Looks like it's just you and me, Edward. Do you think you can keep it in your pants for four days? The last thing I need is to share a room with you while you're working your magic on some poor, unsuspecting New Yorker."

"Yes, I think I can control myself," I said, laughing. "It'll be tough, but I'm pretty sure I can manage. But only if you're being serious about me going. This isn't just the margaritas talking, is it? I don't want to book a flight only to have you tell me I can't stay or something. Are you sure it's really okay if I go? Will anyone at your work care? Won't you be busy the whole time?"

"No one will care. Trust me. And I'm only busy on Thursday and Friday during the day. Then we can go sightseeing on Saturday and come home Sunday. It'll be perfect." She looked pretty confident and excited.

"Alright, you convinced me. Why the hell not? If you're sure it's okay, I'll go. I really would like to see New York," I said, feeling myself getting excited, too.

"It's fine. I'm positive. You're coming!" she said with an authoritative tone and pulled me into a hug.

An almost free trip to New York with my best friend.

Jackpot.

We made plans, and I researched New York sightseeing all that week. With each passing day, I grew more and more excited. This was going to be a great trip.

We arrived in New York late on Wednesday night, and Bella and I were exhausted but excited to finally be here. We checked into the hotel, which was every bit as nice as Bella had described. It was modern and chic and located right in Midtown. Upon opening the door to the room, we discovered that instead of two queen-sized beds, there was only a king. It really didn't matter to me as Bella and I had shared a bed plenty of times in the past. I knew she wouldn't care, either. Even if it wasn't ideal, we were too tired to worry about it.

The alarm the next morning scared the shit out of me. With the time being three hours ahead of where my body was, it felt like I'd just gone to sleep. Even though I didn't have anywhere to be, there was no way I could have gone back to sleep; I was anxious to see what New York had to offer.

Bella wasn't so eager to spend the day at a medical conference, so she pulled the pillow over her head. I rolled over and grabbed the pillow off her.

"Time to get up, Sleeping Beauty," I said in my best sing-songy voice.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate you?" she said, trying to shield her eyes from the light streaming in the window.

"Not yet, but I'm sure you will."

"I _so_ don't want to get up. This bed is so comfortable," she moaned.

"Well, I don't want you to get in trouble. Tell you what – I'll make coffee while you shower. Fair?"

"You're too good to me…that is…when you're not being a total shit," she said, reluctantly sitting up. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood wobbly, making her way to the bathroom.

After what seemed like an eternity in the bathroom, Bella was finally ready and we walked down the block to a small coffee shop recommended by the concierge. It was bustling with activity, being rush hour, so there was a long line.

"I'm so glad you made some coffee in the room. I'd be dying right now otherwise," Bella said.

"I hope you're okay today. I'm pretty tired, and I'm sure you are, too."

"You know me. I'll be fine in an hour or so."

I chuckled softly. She did have an amazing ability to be perky and focused, even with little sleep.

She grabbed a to-go cup of coffee and left for her conference. I'd been so busy with medical school that I couldn't wait to just sit and drink my coffee and read my book for a while. I enjoyed reading, but I had been so busy with textbooks that I hadn't had the time to read for pleasure in years. This was a luxury for me. Plus, people-watching in New York was proving to be as interesting as my book. I was on my own for the whole day, and I couldn't wait.

Later, I walked around the city enjoying all the funky shops and street vendors. There was a store for absolutely everything you could imagine in New York. Normally I wasn't a shopping type of guy, but it was hard not to get into the spirit here. I saw one store that only sold condoms. That was it. Nothing else. I had no idea how many different types of condoms there were. I had a good time in that store and couldn't help but buy a few choice souvenirs, both for myself and my friends. They deserved to see all the selections available, too.

I also spent quite a bit of time in a very retro-looking music store. It was like the kind you'd see in a 1980's John Hughes movie. It was mostly records and had listening booths in the back. I'd always loved music. I'd played the piano since I was very young, but it'd been collecting dust lately since I'd been so busy. It made me sad not to have time to enjoy my passion, but I knew it was just temporary. So I was thrilled to get a chance to explore the new artists and a quite a few old ones, too. I bought a few reggae albums that were hard to find in Seattle and continued on my exploration of the city. I could've spent days just walking around. There was just so much to see.

Bella got out of her conference at around 4:00 and met me for a drink at a small restaurant by Central Park. I was tired from all the walking I had done, so it was nice to sit and just relax.

"How was your conference today?" I asked. I was excited to tell her about my day but didn't want to rub it in.

"It was alright. If you've been to one, you've been to them all. You know?"

"What's this one about?"

"New Drugs for Cardiovascular Research. It's fascinating stuff, let me tell you," she said, rolling her eyes. "Actually, it is interesting, but the sessions are really long, and I don't really know anyone except a few people from our other offices so it got a little dull. It's good for me to know what's new on the market, though, and it'll help me do my job better, so I guess it's worth it." Bella shrugged and seemed to be bored of her work talk.

"You're really good at what you do, Bella. You should be proud of that." I wanted her to know I was impressed with her drive, even if she wasn't feeling it at the moment.

"Thanks, that's sweet. I'm no doctor in training, but I guess I'll do." The smile on her face was as flirtatious as ever.

One of the things I loved about Bella was her intelligence. She didn't flaunt it, but she always kept me in my place. I wasn't surprised that she had done very well professionally. She was articulate and witty, and I loved that about her. Things were never boring when she was around.

The truth was, if I did have time for a real relationship, Bella would be my ideal girlfriend. She was so different from other girls I knew, and we always had a wonderful time together. I knew she deserved more than I had to offer her, so I never let myself think of her as anything more than a friend.

"Despite how bored I was, I'm glad that I came. But it's so much more fun having you here with me." She smiled, and I held up my glass to toast her.

"Thanks. I had a great day today, even though I was by myself. The city is amazing. I found a cool little pub in the Village we'll have to hit up before we leave, too."

"How fun. I should have known you'd have this city dissected in a day. I want to check out as many of the local hot spots as we can. Speaking of which, I was thinking we should go to this club called Mixx tonight." Bella's excitement was infectious. "A guy from our New York office was telling me about it today, and it sounds like it's _the_ happening spot. What do you think?"

"Sure, sounds like fun. I haven't been to a club in ages," I responded, a little anxious to let loose and take advantage of the New York nightlife.

"I know. We always seem to end up in dive bars. I think Emmett's penchant for all things seedy is rubbing off on us."

After another marathon bathroom/primping session, Bella was ready to go to the club. My jaw nearly hit the floor when she came out of the bathroom. She had on a fitted red dress and heels. Her long brown hair was down and had slight curls in it. Back home, she usually went out in jeans, so it was rare to see her so dressed up. I'd always known she was pretty, but I'd never really looked that closely before. I couldn't lie - she looked hot. The dress fit her every curve, and her body was amazing.

_How had I missed that? _

"Wow, Bella, you look fuckhot," I said, as I smacked her ass lightly.

"Thanks. I figured that I should dress up a little bit. You know...when in Rome. You look great, too," she offered, quickly giving me the once over and looking away.

"Hey, maybe we'll both get some action. You've been in a bit of a drought, and I bet there will be plenty of beautiful people there for us tonight," I teased.

"No, the bed isn't big enough for us both to get some. Besides, I'm swearing off guys. I'm serious. I'm already at my quota for the year on how many losers I can attract. I don't need to add a New York loser to the already distinguished list." She curled her lip in disgust.

"You should have thought of that before you picked out that dress. It doesn't exactly scream 'Stay the fuck away from me, I'm celibate', you know?"

"Ha, I know. I guess I'll just have to be a tease tonight."

I laughed; she could flirt with the best of them.

I felt bad that she'd been in such a dating slump lately. She really did date some losers, though. Jake, for example. She'd been casually dating him for a few months, and he had the personality of a wet dishtowel. Plus, he followed her around like a lost puppy. I think she only saw him to keep the boredom at bay. Not that the women I'd been with recently had been great, but at least I had no misconceptions about it. I didn't expect much else, but I knew Bella was looking for a meaningful relationship, and it was a source of frustration for her.

There was a huge line at the club, which I was not in the mood to deal with. Bella just laughed at me. Apparently it posed no threat to her at all.

"Be right back," she said with a smirk.

After a minute or two, she came back and started dragging me to the front of the line. The bouncer moved the rope for us and waved us in.

"I'm impressed. What did you say to that guy?" I asked her.

"I just 'girled' him a little. You know, a well placed, flirty smile and a tight red dress work every time."

"I bet." Girls had it so easy. Especially Bella. She had no idea how powerful her smile could be. She always thought of herself as plain and never noticed the way people reacted to her. I'd fallen prey to her many times. She'd gotten more favors out of me with just her smile than she realized. That poor bouncer never stood a chance against Bella.

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**A/N: Reviews are better than a trip to New York with Edward! Leave me one. **

**Thanks to my team for getting this out in record time!**


	3. Chapter 3 Mixx

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

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**Chapter 3: Mixx**

**Bella**

Once inside, we inched our way through the crowd up to the bar and grabbed a couple of drinks. I needed a night of fun after the sleep-inducing conference today. The club was packed, so we couldn't sit down anywhere, but we did manage to find a small spot to lean on at the end of the bar. It was a little tight, but at least we had a spot to put our drinks.

The club was crowded and lively, with loud music blaring from every room. The energy was contagious. Edward went to work immediately, scoping out all the girls he wanted to hit on. I just rolled my eyes at him. Again, at least he was consistent.

"What about her?" he asked, pointing to a blonde not far away. "She looks like she'd be fun."

"Really, Edward. Don't you have any taste? I can't even be certain that she IS a she."

"She's not that bad, is she?"

"Do the words Beer Goggles mean anything to you?" I raised my eyebrows at him. At least back home he at least made sure they were pretty. Dumb and easy, but pretty.

"A little jealous, are you?" The smug look on his face made me want to smack him.

I had to laugh at his presumptuous statement. "Jealous? I think you'll find when you get a little closer to her or him or whatever, that she's got nothing on me."

I jokingly slapped my ass and stuck it out for Edward to see. He laughed and took a sip of his drink, his eyes firmly fixed where I wanted them.

He caught himself and straightened up, shrugging. "Hmm, I still think she looks fun."

"I'm going to save you from making a huge mistake. Let's go dance. You'll thank me tomorrow for this, I promise."

I dragged the very reluctant Edward onto the dance floor. I loved dancing but didn't get to do it much back home. Between Emmett's love of dive bars and the lack of suitable alternatives close by where we lived, it was rare for us to go out like this. Edward could dance well, but usually had to be drunk before he'd chance it on the dance floor. He was just going to have to suck it up and humor me, because I wanted to boogie. We were only in New York for a few days, and I wanted to take full advantage of the nightlife.

I started moving my hips to the beat, which was slow and sexy. Having a drink in me helped me lose my inhibitions. I felt sexy. Edward came up right behind me and moved in time with me. He put his hands on my hips and closed any distance between us, pressing flush against me. I slowly reached around and put my hands on his strong thighs as we continued to grind against one another. His touch felt incredible, and his hands gripped me tightly. I could feel his breath against my neck, tickling the tiny hairs there. The muscles of his chest pressed against my back, and as his hips ground against my backside, I could feel the evidence that he was definitely enjoying this as much as I was. I was going to have to remember how good his moves were for future reference. No wonder girls were all over him; he had game. I knew what I was dealing with, and even I was becoming putty in his hands. I almost forgot we were just friends and nearly ravaged him right there on the dance floor.

I seriously needed to get laid.

If just a dance could make me have that strong of a reaction to my best friend, I'd hate to see what would happen if he were actually trying. I mentally retracted all my previous statements about how I could never fall for his moves and had a sudden flash of jealousy run through me for all the girls who could act on this with no ramifications.

We stayed at the club for hours until I was all danced out. Edward was a good sport and danced with me all night, letting his own desire to hook up take a back seat to my desire to dance without any strings attached or awkward conversations. I definitely owed him one. I didn't want the night to end. New York was quickly becoming one of my favorite cities. We had an amazing time. It was so easy with him. Tonight, we weren't the same Bella and Edward we were in Seattle. We were Bella and Edward on vacation, carefree and adventurous. It was exhilarating. We talked and danced for hours, and it never got boring. But as much as I didn't want to leave, it was getting late, and I had a full day ahead of me the next day. I knew I needed to get back to our hotel room and crash if I didn't want to be hating life in the morning.

We got back to the room, and I collapsed on the bed. Edward helped me change and nudged me so I'd climb under the covers. I was so tired, and he was so sweet to take care of me. I could barely move. I would surely be hurting tomorrow given the lateness of the hour and the number of drinks we'd had at the club. I'd deal with that tomorrow, though. At that moment, I just wanted to sleep.

I was awoken by a hand touching me. I was lying on my side and felt his fingers rub my stomach lightly.

"Edward, wake the fuck up. You're…" I looked over my shoulder quickly, irritated that his hands were sleepwalking and invading my space. However, his face was not the groggy or sleeping face I expected. He was quite awake and looking at me with lust in his eyes. I just stared at him, not really believing what was happening as he kept moving his hands on my body.

_God, he looks beautiful. _

His lips parted slightly, and his eyes darkened. Whatever thoughts I had about this being a misunderstanding went right out the door when his hand left my stomach and came around and started groping my ass.

This was wrong. I didn't want to do this. But, holy shit, my body did. I closed my eyes and just reveled in his touch.

He took my hesitation and silence as permission and continued moving his hands on my body. I lay my head back down on the pillow as he brushed my hair aside and nuzzled into my neck like he had on the dance floor, his warm breath caressing my skin. Then he started kissing the back of my neck and shoulders. I shivered in response.

"You smell so sweet," he whispered against my neck.

_What am I doing? Oh God, this is bad. But…this is so good._

I thought about stopping him, but he felt so fucking good that I couldn't. I tried to form the words to tell him we shouldn't be doing this, but they wouldn't come out of my mouth. Instead, all I could muster were moans and that just encouraged him even more. I was helpless against him. It had been a long time since someone had touched me so intimately, and my body craved it. In fact, I couldn't remember a time when I had reacted to anyone so intensely, so quickly. Edward's hands and mouth were making me absolutely fucking crazy with desire.

I arched my back into him, which earned me a moan that was so sexy I almost came right then. Still, we said nothing; we just let our bodies do what they needed to do. His touch grew more intense as he moved his hand up and cupped my breast. He began kneading it and pinching my nipple. He knew just how to touch me to drive me crazy.

Our breathing picked up, and he ground his erection against my ass. I wanted him closer. I wanted to feel all of him. It was overpowering. I let my head fall back against him, reaching my hands around to his ass, feeling him contract and release his muscles as he moved against me.

_Holy shit, he's sexy._

His hand lowered to the hem of my shirt and lightly pulled it up, lifting it up over my head. I raised myself slightly to allow him to take it all the way off.

I had my shirt off. With Edward. In bed. This was a mistake of epic proportion, but I couldn't stop. I didn't want to stop.

His hands came back around me and continued exploring my body. "Fuck, Bella, you feel so good," he groaned softly into my neck as he kissed me.

I was seriously starting to lose any semblance of control I might have had. He pulled away from me, and I could hear fumbling behind me as I realized he was taking off his own shirt. I wanted to look, but I couldn't face the reality of the situation just yet.

This was going too far.

When he came back, his entire body was so warm and hard that I couldn't help but grind back into him, forgetting my trepidation about what we were doing. I needed more. It wasn't enough. I needed to be closer.

"Mmmm…you feel…so good." I was barely able to form the words. He moaned in response, licking and nipping below my ear and the back of my neck.

I felt his hand dip below my pajamas and panties and, when he gripped the waistband, I allowed him to pull them down. His hands came back to me, trailing up the inside of my legs, and I could feel myself start to tremble.

_God, his fucking hands can work miracles._

There was a part of me that realized this was Edward. My best friend. But that rational (and chronic over-thinking) part of my brain was overpowered by my wanton desire for him. It was a war in my mind, which my body was quickly winning.

I was pulled from my warring thoughts and jumped slightly when his hand rubbed against my clit. He gently rubbed up and down my entrance, causing me to melt even further into abandon. When his long finger slipped inside of me, I gasped.

"Ah...shit."

He exhaled in my ear, and I could practically feel his smile against me as he pushed his hips against me, his finger moving deeper. He added another and began to move in a steady pace, his thumb gently rubbing my clit. It was heavenly.

I could feel my nerves tightening and my temperature rising rapidly. There was no hiding my arousal from him. I was ready for him, and he knew it. He seemed spurred on by this and let out another groan as his breath sped up and his fingers continued to push in and out of me.

He pulled his hands from me and backed away momentarily. My mind was reeling, and even though I knew we shouldn't be doing this, all I wanted was to feel him inside me again. I could hear him taking off his pajama bottoms and fumbling with his pants for a condom. I wanted to turn around and watch him, missing his contact, but I just couldn't. Shock enveloped me, and before I could think about running from the room to avoid this colossal mistake, his hands were back, caressing every inch of my body, making me once again forget. I immediately sank back into his touch.

He was completely naked, and I could feel the heat of his skin as he positioned himself behind me again. He grabbed the inside of my thigh and hitched it back over his hip. I was exposed and open to him. I briefly felt self-conscious, but his hands moving gently over my skin put me at ease.

With one hand, he guided himself into me as his other hand steadied my hip. I gasped, and my eyes watered at the feeling of him stretching me and filling me so completely. Even though I hadn't actually seen him naked, I could tell he was well endowed, and it made the sensation that much stronger.

"Fuck," he murmured into my shoulder. Slowly, his movements increased until we were in a slow rhythm. The angle we were laying in allowed him to penetrate me deeply, and I felt incredibly connected to him with each thrust. He pressed the palm of his hand against my back, tilting me slightly forward and the change of angle made him groan as he increased his pace. His hand came around the front of my body, and he caressed my clit, sending me quickly toward my release.

"Oh God…don't stop…I'm so close…" I moaned, not caring how desperate I sounded.

My eyes shut, and I threw my head back on his shoulder and cried out as I let the feeling of my orgasm rush through me. I couldn't think of anything else other than the sensation of him as he moved within me.

"I'm…fuck…fuck…" His voice cracked, and a few thrusts later, he joined me in his own release. I wished I could have seen his face as he came. Just the sounds he made drove me crazy, and I felt powerful knowing I'd been the source of his pleasure. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and his forehead rested on my back as our breathing slowed and our bodies relaxed.

"That was amazing," he whispered in my ear, giving me a quick squeeze. It was the only time we'd really spoken since this started, and I didn't know how to deal with it.

"Mmhmm," was all I was able to whimper.

"I'll be right back," he said as he got up to go to the bathroom.

Watching him walk away, I took in his amazing body.

_Hold on a minute. What the fuck was THAT?_

With Edward out of sight, the panic set in. How had I allowed that to happen? How could I have been so stupid? Why did I drink so much? He was my best friend, and the last thing I wanted was to lose him, especially when I _knew_ what he was like. I knew how he was with girls, and I felt sick thinking about being one of his conquests.

I heard the bathroom door open, and I decided I couldn't face any consequences tonight. There would be plenty of time for that. Tonight, I just wanted to revel in my memories. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep as he slipped into bed next to me. Of course, sleep was the last thing on my mind now. My thoughts alternated between memories of how incredible he felt and how his hands moved against my skin and dread as I wondered what would happen between us now. I wanted to roll over and lie in his arms, to allow him to comfort me as he always did, yet I knew I couldn't.

Still, as fucked up as this situation was, I couldn't entirely say I regretted anything. I wished I knew how Edward felt about all this. If I were stronger, I would have asked him about it. But, I wasn't. And tonight, I wanted to pretend that everything was okay.

Tomorrow was going to suck.

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**A/N: Uh oh…can you say awkward? You know this conversation is going to get a little weird. Just to let you know, there are a lot of lemons in this fic. It's not PWP, though, so I hope you don't mind. Probably one more chapter this week.**

**Thanks to my beta Viola Cornuta for fixing my overuse of the word "that", among other things. Also, thanks to my pre-readers for being my cheerleaders! Love you guys!**

**If you leave a review, I'll give you a teaser! **


	4. Chapter 4 Aftermath

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Chapter 4: Aftermath

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**Edward**

I closed the door to the bathroom and fell against it. My mind was going a million miles a minute. I splashed water on my face to bring me back to reality. I hadn't meant for it to go that far, but when I started, I found I just couldn't stop. I was drawn to her in a way I couldn't explain.

I spent far too long in the bathroom, feeling guilty for leaving Bella for so long. We needed to talk about this, but I dreaded the conversation. How do you apologize for taking advantage of your best friend in her sleep?

Thankfully, when I returned from the bathroom, Bella was already asleep or at least pretending to be asleep. That was just fine by me, as I needed time to process what the fuck just happened. Things got so out of control. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

What the hell was wrong with me? Did I really just fuck Bella?

I slid into bed quietly, hoping to avoid a discussion I didn't know how to handle. This wasn't some bimbo. I knew how to have _that_ conversation. I was a pro at that conversation. This was Bella, my Bella, and it required some finesse.

I got up in the morning before her and wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and apologize. But I didn't. There was no excuse for what I had done, and I couldn't face her yet. So, I quickly got into the shower before she got up. I knew I was being a pussy, but at least I could pretend it hadn't happened for a few more minutes. At least I could feel like a decent human being before I confronted her.

I was so fucking confused. I'd had sex with Bella. It was too bizarre. We'd slept together in the same bed many times, and nothing had ever happened. Not once had we ever even kissed, but somehow last night things went to hell. Not only did I attack her when she was asleep, but it was from behind like some goddamn animal. I never even kissed her. She didn't deserve that shit. She was bound to think I was the world's biggest asshole, which I was sure at this point I deserved.

How could do I that to her? I felt like such a prick.

I sat there in the shower, letting the water cascade over my shoulders, as I contemplated last night.

I would have been fine and not done anything, red fuckhot dress notwithstanding, if she had just come back to the hotel and gone straight to bed. Yes, she felt amazing while we were dancing, and I couldn't help but grind on her, but I could chalk that up to just having fun. We'd danced like that before. I could have gotten over it. She thanked me for sacrificing my night for hers, but the truth was there was no one I wanted to be with more than Bella. Maybe it was just the change of scenery, I didn't know. But I wanted her, even if she was just having fun. Still, I would have kept my cool.

When I really lost it was when she was moaning my name in her sleep. At first, I thought she was awake or joking. But when I got closer, I realized she was dreaming - about me. Her voice was filled with need, the words escaping from her mouth in heavy sighs. The way she sounded made me instantly hard. The possibilities of what she was dreaming about me made me crazy with desire.

I wanted to know about her dream. I wanted to make the dream a reality, whatever it was. I wanted to hear her moan like that for me on purpose. I didn't care what it was about, as long as it continued. Something about hearing my name come off her lips like that made me want her. My grip on my self-control was slipping with each sigh. About the third or fourth time she did it, I couldn't stand it any longer and scooted over to her side and started caressing her side and her stomach. She was so warm, and she smelled so good. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop myself.

She was so soft, and her body felt amazing. She looked so peaceful when she slept, and I wanted to be close to her. At first, I just wanted to feel her body against mine; I just wanted to know what it was like to be with her so intimately. But then when I was touching her and realized how aroused she was for me, I felt like I was going to explode, and I knew I couldn't stop.

I liked knowing I had that effect on her. I had to have more of her, and she wasn't stopping me, so I assumed she didn't object. The way she responded to me didn't help. She was eager and moved so perfectly with me. When I finally pushed into her, I felt like everything else just stopped. I became insatiable and no matter how many parts of our bodies were touching, it was never enough. Her moans were so sensual, and I could see the pleasure she was experiencing in her facial expressions. We were totally in sync. I wanted her to feel all the pleasure I was experiencing. Watching her come, with her head thrown back on my shoulder was the most arousing moment of my life. I wanted to stay like that forever.

Instead, I was in the shower with my rock hard dick in my hand, having just relieved the throbbing that had been happening since she and I were together. I had to come back to reality. Bella wasn't just some cheap skank like Tanya, and I couldn't follow my standard post-coital operating procedure with her, which was namely to get rid of the girl and try like hell to never speak to her again. Bella was my best friend, my rock, and I treated her like a cheap piece of ass. I couldn't even bear to look at her. What could I possibly say to make it up to her?

We were friends and friends didn't sleep together. Friends didn't treat each other that way. I'd seriously fucked this up.

What if she wanted more?

I couldn't think of that, either. She deserved more than what I was able to give, but I wasn't the guy to give it to her. I'd be a shitty boyfriend. The closest thing I'd had to a girlfriend was Tanya, and there was just no comparison. I could never treat Bella that way. Of course, now the thought of anyone else having Bella made me want to puke. I cursed myself for creating such a fucked up situation.

When I stopped being such a complete pussy and finally emerged from the bathroom, I looked up and saw Bella sitting on the bed. She had her hands in her lap, fidgeting with her fingernails. Her makeup from the night before was smeared on her face, and she looked like she was deep in thought. I never wanted to see that look on her face again. It was a combination of hurt, confusion and worry.

Despite everything I'd done to violate our friendship, she looked like she was worried about me. I was the asshole who should be begging for forgiveness. I wished I knew what she was thinking.

Deciding to break the awkward silence, I started talking. "Bella, about what happened last night, I didn't mean…it's just…I don't think…fuck…"

She stopped fidgeting and sat up straight, turning to face me, still avoiding direct eye contact. "Please don't worry about it, Edward. I'm fine. It was fine."

I sat down next to her. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened." I wanted to reach out to her, but I knew I shouldn't.

She still wouldn't look at me as she spoke. "Can we just pretend it didn't happen? We both had a lot to drink, and I don't want this to come in the way of our friendship."

She looked embarrassed as she ran her hands through her hair, glancing toward the ground. Actually, when I really looked her it didn't look like embarrassment, it looked like regret.

It suddenly made sense to me. Of course she regretted it. Who would want to be attacked in their sleep by someone they thought was a friend? Who would want to be so disrespected?

I felt horrible, but what was done was done. I couldn't take it back, which was why I also felt the weight of the world lift from my shoulders hearing her response. She was okay with things. She didn't think I was the world's biggest asshole. Thank God she was okay and was willing to let it go. She could have just as easily kicked me out and told me to go to hell, but she didn't. I moved in closer to her and gave her a big hug.

"I know I said it before, but I'm so sorry about what happened last night. I hope you don't think I was trying to take advantage of you. I don't know what came over me." I stumbled through my words, hoping she'd understand. "I'd never hurt you. You know that, right?"

She pulled back and looked at me sincerely, with her trusting brown eyes locked on mine. "Of course I know that. Please don't worry. You didn't hurt me, and you certainly didn't take advantage of me. I was a willing participant, so it was just as much my fault as yours. It just never should have happened. Promise me it won't affect our friendship. I don't think I could handle that."

Her voice was shaky, and I knew she was as concerned about the ramifications of our actions as I was. I was relieved beyond belief that she was willing to put it behind us.

"It won't. I promise." What else could I say?

"Good. I feel much better now. I was so worried about this conversation."

I was glad to hear I wasn't the only one freaking out. "So, are we good then?" I lowered my forehead to hers.

"Yeah, we're good." She glanced up at me and rubbed the creases on my forehead. "Are you okay?"

The look of concern on her face made me feel guilty all over again, and I hung my head down. "Yeah, I just feel like an asshole."

"Please don't, Edward. It was a mistake. There's no need to dwell on it." Bella's voice was reassuring and sweet.

"I know. It's just…fuck –"

"Really. It's over. I mean it. Let's not let it spoil the rest of our vacation, okay? I've got to get ready to go to the conference right now or else I'll be late. Will you walk with me to get a coffee?"

"Sure, absolutely." It was the least I could do, given the circumstances.

We both tried to get back to being ourselves as we got dressed. We talked casually about what I'd done the day before and how much fun we'd had at the club. We intentionally left out any mention of what happened later.

We walked in relative silence to the coffee shop once Bella was dressed and ready. I was happy there didn't seem to be any resentment coming from her and hoped I had said and done enough to make things right between us.

She grabbed her coffee and gave me a quick hug.

"So, I'll text you later?" She smiled and, for a moment, I believed everything was okay. At least I hoped they were.

"Yeah, definitely. I'll be around."

She ran off, and I grabbed my book again and sat down at a table by the window.

She seemed sincere this morning about not wanting it to affect our friendship, and I could only hope it wouldn't. As wonderful as Bella felt last night, it was a mistake, and I had to make sure it didn't happen again. I wouldn't disrespect her again. My mind betrayed me, though, and thoughts of her filled my head. I tried to focus on my book or the people walking by, but nothing was working.

I wondered how she was really feeling about things. I wondered if she regretted it as much as she looked like she did. I wondered if she thought I was an asshole but didn't know how to tell me. I wondered if I felt as good to her as she had to me.

One thing I knew above everything else - I didn't want to hurt her.

Resolved to make things right again, I decided I had to have faith in her. She said she was okay with things, and I had to trust that.

I set out for another day exploring the city, hoping to wipe last night away, but knowing deep down that it might be harder to do than I expected.

* * *

**Bella**

I left Edward at the coffee shop full of smiles and confidence. But as soon as he was out of sight, the panic from last night and this morning returned. I wanted to forget about what happened. I wanted to put it behind us. My mind had other plans.

My conference may as well have been given in Chinese based on what I was going to take away from it. I was completely fucked up. My emotions and thoughts were all over the place, which was hard for me to deal with since I was normally a fairly rational person.

How was I supposed to concentrate on some drug with thoughts of Edward running through my mind? My body betrayed me and reacted with the memory of his touch, and I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, hoping no one noticed.

When Edward came up behind me last night and started rubbing my stomach, my initial reaction was to be annoyed. But when I turned around and saw his face, I just froze. I should have stopped him, but I couldn't do it. I didn't want him to stop, even though I knew it was in my best interest.

At that moment, I just let him have his way with me, and I fucking loved every minute of it. As he put his fingers inside me, every nerve ending in my body was on end. He knew just how to touch me to make me melt. When I finally felt him as he penetrated me, I was in ecstasy. His hands were all over me, touching me the way my body needed to be touched. It was as if he could read my mind or had some sort of how-to manual. The way our bodies fit together, the way he filled me so completely, was like he was made just for me.

I never knew he could be like that. He was always my sarcastic, goofy friend. But he was so much more than that as we moved together. He was so loving and gentle, yet powerful and masculine. Simply put, he was fantastic.

I wondered what he was thinking when he came out of the bathroom but was relieved he didn't attempt to talk to me or cuddle. It would have just made this morning that much more awkward. It took a long time for me to fall asleep, and I could hear that he was also awake.

When he got in the shower in the morning, I quickly gathered my pajamas and got dressed. I had forgotten that I went to sleep naked, and I definitely needed to be clothed for the conversation we were about to have. I was very nervous, hoping that this went smoothly.

When Edward came out wearing only his boxers and an undershirt, his eyes were fixed on the floor. I couldn't tell which emotion was dominant on his face - regret, worry or embarrassment. He finally looked up and walked closer to me until he stood just a few feet away from where I was sitting on the bed.

He started in on what sounded like the typical "it's not you, it's me" speech, and I just couldn't take it so I interrupted him as he started to talk. I tried to tell him I was fine with things. I wanted to put it all behind us.

But mostly, I'd heard that speech before, and I didn't want to put him through it when we both obviously knew that it had been a mistake. I think he forgot whom he was talking to. This was Bella - his best friend, the person he told everything to. I knew all his secrets and how he worked. I didn't want to make him suffer through his standard dismissal speech and wasn't about to be taken in by his smooth talking. Yet, I found it hard to be upset at him; he genuinely looked concerned.

He seemed relieved when I told him not to worry about things, which hopefully meant we would be okay and that we could get past this. I just wanted our friendship to be intact.

We slipped into easy, albeit somewhat sparse conversation in the room and on the way to the coffee shop. He seemed fine with things between us.

But then, as I sat in the world's most boring conference, all I could think about was Edward. Edward and those goddamn hands!

I needed to get a grip and try to forget about the tenderness of his touch or the look in his eyes when he realized I wouldn't say no to his advances. He was loving and tender, and I knew I could never forget it, even if it was a one-time thing.

I didn't want to be one of Edward's girls. I'd witnessed how he treated women, and I didn't want that in a boyfriend. It was laughable to even put Edward in the same sentence as the word boyfriend. Who was I kidding? Edward Cullen didn't have girlfriends; he had hookups. Meaningless hookups - and lots of them.

That got me thinking about his motives. Why me? Why now? Was I just some easy way for him to get off since he couldn't bring someone home from the club? When I thought about last night, it didn't feel like it was just meaningless sex. Maybe that was part of his charm – making girls feel like there was more to it when there wasn't. Maybe that was why he had so many girls who kept coming back for more. He hadn't even kissed me, at least not a real kiss. I hadn't even looked at him the whole time we had sex. Actually, the experience was pretty surreal.

How often did it happen that the first time you had sex with someone, it's from behind without any discussion at all? As weird as that was though, he felt incredible and tender. I never felt violated in any way. The man had some serious skills in bed. The thought that perhaps all it was to him was a quick screw made me ill. But yet, what did I want it to be? What did I expect?

I was so fucked up about all this.

This morning, it was clear Edward regretted what happened and had no desire to pursue anything further, which was fine with me. Our friendship meant so much to me, and I knew we'd just screw it up if we tried to date. He'd never made any advances toward me before, so I couldn't stop wondering why he suddenly did last night. Did something change for him?

The reality was that even though I couldn't imagine his hands caressing someone else the way he caressed me, he was not mine to have. As much as he had taken me last night, it was not meant to be. I just wanted things to be back to the way they were before last night. I just wanted the easy friendship back.

Just then, my phone buzzed with a text message. Happy for the distraction, I checked the screen.

_How's the conference? ~E_

_You have no idea how bored I am. What are you doing? ~B_

_At a record store I found yesterday. Lots of reggae. Thought of you. ~E_

_Jealous! Pick me up something? ~B_

_Already did. It's a surprise. ~E_

_Ugh, surprises. Happy Hour? Same place as yesterday? ~B_

_You're on. Be there at 4:30. ~E_

_Gotta be mellow tonight. Need sleep. ~B_

_No late night tonight. Promise. ~E_

I smiled as we texted back and forth. He always made me smile, and it made me hopeful there would be no hard feelings. I'd never been nervous around Edward, but I was suddenly worried about seeing him.

* * *

**A/N: So, do you think everything will got back to normal? How will it be the next time they see each other? What about when they go to bed?**

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta, and my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 for all your help. **

**Reviews make me squeal like a fangurl! Plus, I'll give you a teaser!**


	5. Chapter 5 Hustler

**Chapter 5: Hustler

* * *

**

**Edward**

We decided since we were both exhausted from the previous night we should take it easy after Bella's conference. She was meeting me at the same place as yesterday, which we discovered had great happy hour specials. I beat her there, so I grabbed a table by the window to wait.

She walked in wearing the same outfit she wore to her conference today. Perhaps it was just the stress of the situation, but I didn't even notice how good she looked when she got ready this morning. She was walking toward my table wearing a fitted grey skirt and a purple top that hugged her curves perfectly. Her hair was up in a bun, being held in place by a pencil. There were a few stray pieces of hair that hung down in her face. She had on knee high boots that accentuated the muscles in her legs. She looked very professional, but very sexy. My pants started to strain a little, and I readjusted to hide what was happening.

"Hey there, stranger. You look great," I said as I got up and gave her a casual hug, again keeping my distance to hide my inadvertent physical response to her.

"Hey, yourself. How long have you been here? I hope you didn't have to wait long."

"Nope, I just got here. Plus, I have my book and a margarita to keep me company." I pointed to the large cocktail on the table.

"I can't believe I'm saying this after last night, but a margarita actually sounds really good right about now. Today was another brain-damaging day at the conference, and I need to unwind. How was your day?"

I smiled. Things seemed to be going well so far with her.

"It was great. I went to the theater district and walked down to the financial district. It was a nice long walk, but since it was so warm outside, I didn't mind at all."

"I'm glad you had a better day than I did. I almost fell asleep several times."

"It felt good to get out and walk. Once I get my residency, I have a feeling I won't be seeing the sun for a while."

"How's that going, anyway? When will you know where you'll be?"

"I should find out in the next couple of weeks. It's stressful not knowing. I mean, I could be staying in Seattle, or I might end up in San Diego. I don't really want to leave, but UCSD Medical Center has a top notch program. I think San Diego would be a fun place to live, if I get to experience it."

"That's got to be hard. You know, not knowing where you're going to be? I think you're handling it all really well." Her voice was soft and kind – sincere.

"Thanks. There's a lot to consider," I said, feeling suddenly serious. Needing to lighten the mood, I continued, "You'd miss me, though."

Maybe I was baiting her a little, too.

She smiled, catching me obviously fishing for compliments. "I _would_ miss you. Tremendously. Who else would give me shit daily about my non-existent sex life?"

_It wasn't non-existent last night…stop. _

"Well, that's true. You need someone to keep you on your toes. I'd miss you, too."

"In all seriousness, you have to do what you have to do. You only get one chance at life, so you've got to pursue what makes you happy. You sound stressed. Are you worried about it?"

"A little. If I stay in Seattle, I'd at least have all you guys, and my family is close by. Not to mention I know my way around. But moving to San Diego and working so much would be hard. I don't know anyone there, and it's not like I would even have enough time to make new friends. Plus, I know nothing about the city. I think I'd feel really isolated."

"You'd be able to meet people. You're so friendly. I'm sure it would take you no time at all. Plus, you'll probably have a harem ready to service your every need upon exiting the plane. Just think about the endless dating possibilities. You'd never have to worry about running into an old hookup. It would be a fresh, new pool of women just waiting for you," Bella said lightly.

I rolled my eyes and looked at her, shaking my head. It seemed different talking to her about this stuff now. I didn't want it to be weird, but it was. She continued talking, obviously sensing my discomfort.

"Seriously, I hope you get the news you want. Don't stress about it now, though. There's no point in getting worked up about something that's out of your hands. Your friends will always be here for you. You should know that." Bella reached across the table and grabbed my hands in support.

I'd known Bella for years. She'd been a great friend, and she was a lot of fun to be with. But it wasn't until that moment when she held my hands and looked at me with those soulful brown eyes, filled with so much concern, that I realized just how much she cared about me. She was a great listener and let me unload all my fears onto her without blinking an eye. I was lucky to have a friend like her and would really hate it if things got weird between us.

After we ate, we decided to go to the pub in the Village I told her about yesterday. It was in a funky old building that looked like it had been there since the Industrial Revolution. It had a long bar, a few pool tables and a dartboard. The patrons appeared to be part of the original scenery. They looked glued to their seats at the bar and eyed us with skepticism when we walked in.

"Emmett would love this place. It's got that seedy, yet clean feeling to it. Don't you think?"

Bella looked around the room and laughed. "It's almost too nice for Emmett, though. I think it needs a few more surly characters at the bar and a grubbier bartender to be up to his standards."

"You're probably right. The bartender looks entirely too normal to suit Emmett. But it does have darts and pool, so that's a plus."

She laughed as we grabbed a few drinks and decided to play some pool.

Bella, being the atypical girl, was really good at pool, which was very sexy. Something about her bending over a pool table made me want to go all caveman on her. The memories of last night weren't helping the situation at all, either.

God, I needed to get a grip.

"Nine Ball. Corner pocket," she called leaning over just enough so I could see her cleavage. Memories of her beautiful breasts in my hands flooded my mind.

Attempting to focus, I said, "Ten bucks says you miss."

"Oh, you want to put a wager on this, huh? How about this? If I win this game, you have to buy my drinks the rest of the time we're in New York. If you win, I buy. Fair?"

"You're on. It's too bad for you that drinks are so expensive here. You'll be burning through your expense account in no time."

"You'd better bring it, Cullen. I've been practicing." She looked at me with the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen. She was nothing if not confident.

I sank a few balls on my shot, and I could see the worry on Bella's face. The competitive side of her hated losing, and I could see her wheels turning. When it was her turn, she sank two balls but missed the third one. I was still winning, and I was confident in my skills.

I came up behind her and spoke softly in her ear. "I'll take a Patron margarita when we're done here."

She turned and looked over her shoulder, smiling. "You're so cocky. So sure of yourself, are you?"

"Yep." I smiled back. I had this one in the bag.

We went back and forth sinking the rest of our balls until I finally got down to the eight ball, while she still had two other balls on the table. It was my shot, and I could make this shot in my sleep. I pulled the cue stick back at the exact same time as Bella pulled the pencil out of her hair, allowing it to fall and cascade down her back and over her shoulders.

_Fuck me. Oh, she's GOOD._

I missed my shot.

"Hey, what's with the hair toss right as I was shooting? You're not playing fair," I protested.

"What? Were you watching me?" She flashed her signature smile as she grabbed the cue from my hand. She really knew how to turn it on. It was adorable. I never knew Bella could be so mischievous. But then again, bragging rights were on the line, and Bella wasn't just going to lie down and hand me a win.

"Poor little, innocent Bella," I said smiling as I smacked her ass when she walked by me. "Yeah, I'd say me and every other guy in here were watching that move. It was a nice one, by the way. I think you gave that old guy at the bar a heart attack."

She sank the two remaining balls with no problem.

She lined up her shot. "Too bad for you, Cullen. I'm about to sink the eight ball in the corner pocket." It sank into the pocket. "Looks like I'll be getting free drinks for the rest of the trip."

After she won, she did a happy dance, shaking her little butt as she jumped up and down. It was fucking adorable. It would have been worth it for me to throw every game we played from that point on just to see that smile on her face as she danced and gloated.

"Now, where's that Patron margarita I've heard so much about?" She raised her eyebrow at me.

I laughed as I set down my cue stick and headed for the bar. I loved it when Bella was sassy. She had the uncanny ability to be sexy and demure, yet still strong and confident. She was both flirtatious and a solid friend. She made me laugh and brought out the best in me.

It had been a fun experience being with her here in New York, despite our brief encounter the other night (which was definitely fun, but should never have happened.) Tonight seemed like it was just the same flirty Bella and Edward that we always were with each other, which was great. We were both trying to go back to the way we were before everything happened. My thoughts betrayed me at times, remembering the feel of her, but I put those thoughts out of my mind. That was behind us now.

When we got back to the hotel room, we were exhausted. I changed into a t-shirt and boxers and slipped into bed while she got into her pajamas and performed her nightly marathon bathroom routine.

_What do girls __do__ in there, anyway?_

I was a little worried about how things would go, given that the last time we were in this bed together, we were having sex. She emerged from the bathroom with the same look of apprehension written on her face. She slipped into bed, staying clearly on her own side. After she was settled, I reached over and turned off the light.

Wanting to lighten the mood, I said, "You have to tell me something, Bella. It's something I've wanted to know but was afraid to ask."

She sat up, looking concerned. "What is it?"

"What could possibly take you that long in the bathroom?"

"You don't want to know," she said, as she cracked up and fell back, letting her head hit the pillow. "Not all of us are as naturally beautiful as you are, you know. Some of us have to try."

I smiled to myself. She thought I was beautiful?

"I had a lot of fun with you tonight," I said.

"Me too."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we good?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm great. I'll be getting free drinks the rest of the trip. See you in the morning," she said, obviously not wanting to discuss things between us anymore. I was happy to oblige.

"Ha. Yeah, I'll be broke before the end of the trip."

"That's what you get for making bad bets." She was lying on her side, with her hands tucked under her pillow, facing me.

"I should never bet against you."

"Nope."

"Goodnight, hustler."

"Goodnight."

* * *

**A/N: So they're trying to go back to being friends. We'll see how that goes. Next up – their last night in New York.**

**Thanks to my peeps this week. I appreciate all the help. You guys make me smile!**

**Next chapter will go up on Wednesday at the latest. **


	6. Chapter 6 Three Little Birds

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Three Little Birds**

**Edward**

"Wake up, sleepy head. It's our last full day in New York. We have a lot of stuff to cram in today," I said as I lightly shook Bella to wake her up.

"Ugh, Edward. Five minutes." She shoved the pillow on top of her head forcefully.

Wow, she really wasn't a morning person - at least not after a night of drinking.

"Okay, I'll let you have five minutes, but then you have to get up."

I threw my legs over the side of the bed and reluctantly got up to get in the shower. I was tired; we'd had several nights in a row going out, and it was beginning to take its toll. By the time I emerged from the shower, Bella was awake.

"Well, look who decided to get up?" I said as I dried my hair with a towel.

Her eyes followed my body down to my waist. I looked down and realized I was only in a towel.

She was checking me out. I liked it.

I didn't say anything about it, but I was sure the smirk on my face gave me away, as she just shook her head and walked into the bathroom.

She came out some time later, ready for our day of sightseeing. At the coffee shop, we pored over our plans for the day over lattes. It was fun to see Bella so excited, and I was happy to be able to spend the whole day with her. I couldn't wait to show her some of the cool things I'd seen.

We started out in Midtown and walked through the enormous Macy's department store there. Bella was adorable as she made me help her try on clothes. I wasn't one for shopping, but she kept me entertained. She looked amazing in everything she tried on, and it was fun watching her parade around in front of me. How she managed to make shopping fun was beyond me.

"Oh my God, Edward, can you imagine Alice in this place? If you think I'm bad, just imagine the damage that she could do in here. It's huge!" Bella said, wide-eyed at the looming department store.

"I shudder to think about it. She'd go crazy. I know she has to come to New York for business a couple times a year for fashion week, so I'm sure she spends all of her free time shopping."

"She does. She brings an empty suitcase so she'll have a place to put all her new acquisitions. She's crazy about this shit. So you see? It could be much worse for you. You could be with Alice today instead of me."

"Believe me, I'm appreciative," I laughed, knowing she was right. Alice took her shopping very seriously.

After that, we went up in the Empire State Building, which had the most incredible views of the city. The sheer scale of the city was just awesome. Bella was a little scared at the top, but she calmed down once we were up there for a while. I certainly didn't mind her standing closer to me than normal, even if it was just because she was scared.

From there, we leisurely took our time meandering through Times Square and eventually ended up at Gray's Papaya on the Upper West Side for hot dogs at dinner time.

"Out of all the great places to eat in this city, you take me to a hot dog place?" She looked skeptical. "On our last night?"

"Trust me, Bella, I've been eating these everyday since we've been here. They're mind-blowing." She raised her eyebrow, still not entirely convinced. "Plus, when in Rome, right? Just try one."

After we got our food, we found some bar seats where we could people watch as we ate. It was nice just sitting in comfortable silence with Bella. I watched her as she took the first bite of her hot dog. I could see the doubt all over her face, but her face lit up when she tasted it, and she looked so fucking cute.

"Well?" I was smug; I knew she'd like it.

"Okay, you win. These hot dogs are amazing."

She hated being wrong, so I knew how hard that apology was.

We went back to the hotel to get changed for the night out. I had been scoping out places to go for our last night. I wanted it to be special for Bella since she'd been working so hard the past couple of days while I was out having fun. I found a bar that had live reggae, and since she was a huge reggae fan, I knew it would be perfect.

"Edward, can you at least tell me a little bit about where we're going?" she asked as she stuck her head out of the bathroom.

"Nope, it's a surprise. But you don't have to dress up. I'm wearing nicer jeans and a regular shirt."

"Jeans and a regular shirt, huh? What am I supposed to do with that? You know how I feel about surprises."

"Yes, I know you hate them, but you're just going to have to deal with it."

She got ready quite quickly, which was a welcome change, and we headed out to catch a cab to the bar. When we got there and she found out about the band, she was positively bursting with excitement. I loved seeing her so happy. I mentally patted myself on the back for pulling off a great surprise.

Once inside, we went out on the dance floor after Bella insisted on a trip to the bar to claim the first of her free drinks. Reggae was such happy music, and it was so easy get into the mood. We danced and drank (on me, of course) and talked for hours, and I was having a great time. Bella sparkled, and I could tell she was having as much fun as I was.

The band announced their last song, and Bella pulled me onto the dance floor. It seemed hard to believe it was last call; the night had flown by. The band started the song _Three Little Birds_ by Bob Marley, and Bella squealed.

"Oh my god, I LOVE this song!" Bella's smile reminiscent of a kid on Christmas. I loved how something like a song could make Bella light up.

She started swaying her hips and shoulders in a figure eight pattern with the music. Her arms were above her head, and her head was tilted forward, enjoying the song. I could barely hear her soft voice singing the words along with the band.

_Don't worry about a thing,  
cause every little thing gonna be all right.  
Singin: don't worry about a thing,  
cause every little thing gonna be all right!_

_Rise up this mornin,  
Smiled with the risin sun,  
Three little birds_

_Pitch by my doorstep  
Singin sweet songs  
Of melodies pure and true,  
Sayin, (this is my message to you-ou-ou:)_

I watched her from behind as she moved. She looked so content and beautiful. She had on a deep blue, silky top that accentuated her delicate curves and jeans that fit her like a glove. I came up behind her to join in her dancing. I lightly put my hands on her hips, still nervous about being in such close proximity to her after the other night. We were just getting back to normal, and I didn't want to confuse things – not for her or for me. I let myself enjoy the moment. It was, after all, just dancing. I bent my head down, resting my chin on her shoulder and buried my nose in her hair, which smelled fresh and clean. I couldn't stop myself from inhaling deeply to take in her scent. She sighed contentedly and continued dancing. At that moment, I felt really happy.

We didn't normally dance this intimately, the other night notwithstanding, but I was trying not to over think everything and go with the flow. Her hands rested on top of mine, which held onto her hips. Our bodies were flush against each other as we swayed to the relaxing music. Dancing to a great song, with her in my arms, in New York, just the two of us - it was perfect. But like all good things, the song ended. The moment had passed, so we decided to head back to the room since we had to get up early to catch our flight back to Seattle the next morning.

I got into bed while she was still in the bathroom. I wasn't ready to go to sleep - my mind was all over the place - but I knew it was in my best interest. I had mixed feelings about this being our last night. It was like we were in our own bubble here. There was no reality to deal with; it was just us having fun. We could flirt and be together without any distractions. It had been a great trip, and I didn't want it to end. I didn't want to leave. Seattle was more complicated.

She climbed into bed with me after a couple of minutes, and I turned off the light. I was trying to relax so I could fall asleep when I felt Bella move closer to me. She came up to my side and brought one of her hands to my hair, lightly moving it out of my face. She looked like she was about to say something to me, but what she did instead shocked me. She leaned down and started kissing my cheek and neck. I was frozen.

_Oh shit! What should I do? _

"Bella? What's going on?" I said with a strained voice, torn between the lust rushing through me and my desire to maintain our friendship.

"Shhh, Edward. Don't think about it or push me away." Her voice sounded almost sad.

"I don't-"

"Please just let me have this. We can go back to reality tomorrow. I just need to be with you tonight," she said, her breath heaving in my ear.

Before I had time to respond, she lowered her lips to mine and kissed me. At first, she was tentative and the kiss was light. Her lips were so soft, and the emotion they evoked in me was overwhelming. I no longer had control, and I opened my mouth to her. She took the opportunity I presented and began kissing me passionately. I moved my hands up to cradle her face while my tongue explored her mouth. I was stunned. I had kissed a lot of women and had never had a kiss that even came close to that one. She knew when to be soft and slow and when to be passionate and hard. She consumed me.

She started to undress us both and, by that point, I was so far gone I couldn't have stopped even if I wanted to. There was no way I would deny her. My hands roamed her body, and she continued to explore mine. My previous thoughts of us as just friends were replaced with unadulterated passion and desire for her. I'd been fighting to keep my feelings for her at bay; feelings I didn't even understand. I was trying to make sure our friendship stayed intact, but I wasn't strong enough to resist such temptation.

Once she'd gotten our clothes off, she climbed on top of me and sat upright as my hands caressed the top of her thighs. The sight of her, naked and staring at me with lust in her eyes was almost too much. Needing more, I bent my legs up, which forced her to lift up off me. I grabbed her thighs and pulled her toward my head.

"Come up here," I whispered.

Catching on, she followed my lead until her knees were on either side of my face. I was in heaven. She was perched right above my mouth with her hands braced on the headboard, and I could see she was as aroused as I was. I lifted my mouth and kissed her between her legs as though I was sucking on a peach, allowing my tongue to move up and down over her.

"Oh God…Edward…so fucking good," she moaned as her hips pressed into my face.

Hearing my name roll off her lips like that just encouraged me further, and I moved my hands up her beautiful thighs and across her hips as I continued to worship her with my mouth. The taste of her was making me crazy with need. She rocked her hips against my mouth, and as her body started to tense, I realized she was close to her release. I slipped a finger inside of her, curling it as I pulled it back out slightly. The move prompted her to buck her hips frantically into my hand and groan loudly. I added another finger and moved them in and out of her as I continued to lick and suck on her until she screamed as she came on my fingers and my mouth. The image of Bella having an orgasm was one that would be forever burned on my brain.

When her breathing slowed, she slowly lowered herself down so her face was above mine. She kissed me passionately in appreciation of the pleasure I had just given her.

"Your turn." She started kissing my neck, moving down my body.

I knew where she was headed, and fuck if I didn't want it, but I couldn't wait any longer.

"Bella, I just want to be inside you. You're driving me crazy."

"Is that right?" She smirked.

Who knew she could be so brazen?

"God…you have no idea."

She sat up, allowing me room to move.

I reached over to the side of the bed, pulled out a condom from my pants (I'd never been so thankful for a store that just sold condoms in my life) and started to open the package.

"Let me do it," she said.

She unrolled the condom onto my erection with precision, and then her hands were everywhere on me. All I could do was throw my head back in pleasure. She climbed on top of me once again and slowly lowered herself onto my body, taking me inside her inch by inch. The feeling of being inside her again was all consuming. She was so tight and warm and soft. I didn't want to miss a minute, so I stared at her intently, never letting my eyes leave her. If this was to be our last time together, I wanted it to be forever fixed in my memory.

She started to move on me, slowly at first, and then faster. Sexy little moans escaped her mouth as she rode me. I watched as her breasts bounced lightly, and unable to resist, I reached up to cup them. She was beautiful; I couldn't take it all in. She threw her head back, and her hair fell loosely down her back. Her hands were on my thighs so she was completely exposed to me. I looked down my body to see my cock disappear inside her and almost lost it.

She was incredible, and I quickly realized I wasn't going to last long if we didn't change positions. I carefully flipped her over, so I was on top of her. I needed to be in control, wanting this moment to last longer, needing more of her. Pressing into her, I touched as much of her body as possible. She wrapped her long legs around me, and I felt consumed by her passion. She lifted her hips off the bed to match my thrusts, which were slow but hard and deliberate. This allowed me to penetrate her deeply, but it wasn't enough.

"Fuck, Bella. I can't get close enough. I can't get enough." I could barely breathe, let alone talk, but I had to tell her.

"Me either…Oh God…"

I picked up my pace, and she met me with her hips. The passion she shared with me was so much more than I could have ever expected. It was so much more than I had ever experienced. I'd never had sex with someone I cared about. But this was just me and Bella, whom I knew so well, whom I truly cared for, moving as one, and I didn't ever want it to end.

I was buried deep inside her when I felt her walls pulse as her orgasm raced through her. She clung to me and buried her head into my shoulder as she moaned in ecstasy. A few powerful thrusts later and my orgasm overcame me. I was so lost in the powerful sensation I actually screamed. I couldn't move for what felt like several minutes.

"Bella -" I wanted to tell her how amazing I thought she was. I wanted to tell her I had never felt anything like that before.

But she stopped me.

"Shhh, Edward. You don't have to say anything. I know. I do. It's okay," she said as she put her finger against my lips to silence me. I wondered what exactly she knew, because I had no fucking idea what to think about any of this.

After we got cleaned up a bit, we lay down so I was on my back with her head tucked into my shoulder. She wrapped her arm over my chest and her leg across my legs. It was comfortable, and I was content to let her stay there as long as she wanted. I ran my hands through her hair and gently down her back as her breathing slowed and she fell asleep. There was no way I was going to get any sleep.

I couldn't believe it happened again. I couldn't believe I lacked the control to stop it. This time was even better than the other night. She made me feel things I'd never felt before, and I couldn't deny there was something between us. I didn't know what it was or where it could go, but there was definitely something there. She had to have felt it, too. I felt it in her touch. She was passionate and loving, and I wasn't sure how we could go back now. Knowing what I knew now, how could I not want her like this?

I let her sleep as I silently panicked. One time we could forget. But this? This was more. It seemed impossible to brush this off. Just the way she kissed me and touched me was so much more intimate than the other night. I was worried about her perception of what had happened between us. She'd seen Tanya come over at night many times just for sex, and I didn't want her to feel the same. Something was unlocked with us, and I didn't know how to fix it. In every scenario I could think of, someone got hurt, namely her, and I couldn't bear that.

What had I done? What would she expect now? What did I expect?

I'd gotten my hand stuck in the cookie jar this time, and I was so fucked.

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**A/N: This was one of my favorite chapters of this whole fic. What did you think? Now they're REALLY screwed! **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my awesome beta, and ellierk, Sunfeathers, and Dana1779, my pre-readers! You guys rock and make this whole process fun. **

**Finally, thanks to my amazing readers! Your reviews and recs make me so happy. It's so hard to get the word out about my stories, so your recs go a long way. Thanks so much for the support. **

**Next up, it's back to Seattle. Fun stuff. For a teaser, leave me a review!**


	7. Chapter 7 Reality

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 7: Reality**

**Bella**

I woke up lying close to Edward, and he was still asleep. Without moving, I took careful inventory of him, so peaceful, so happy. His jaw was relaxed, and his lips were puckered slightly, making them irresistible. I'd known Edward was incredibly handsome, but I'd never noticed how all the individual aspects of his face looked this close up. It was exquisite. He was still naked from last night, the blanket draped loosely over his hips, revealing his muscular chest and arms. I could have sat there and stared at him all day.

My mind was racing with memories of last night. I'd never been that bold before, and I wasn't sure what came over me. When we were at the reggae bar and he was dancing with me, I felt so content. It was so comfortable with him, and I just had to have more. I didn't want to let the moment pass. Somehow the thought of us leaving, and the possibility of never getting a chance to feel him this way again, gave me courage. I knew he didn't feel anything more than friendship for me, but New York City wasn't reality. We could be together here. I knew he didn't want a girlfriend, but I wanted to be close to him one last time. I wanted to show him with my body how much he meant to me. I knew I was crossing the friendship boundary, but I couldn't help it. He was lying right next to me, and it was entirely too tempting. I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by.

When I first crawled over to him and began stroking his hair, he looked up at me with concern. I could tell he was conflicted and didn't want to hurt me. But then when I kissed him, he let loose, and I'd never experienced anything like it. I'd always felt that kissing was extremely intimate, and something about the way he held my face in his hands and moved his lips made me feel like there was so much emotion there. It felt special; it felt like more than it was. My body was on auto pilot. I sat up and took off my shirt and pajama bottoms, while his eyes followed my every move. I loved having his eyes on me like that. It was intoxicating. Then I went to work on his clothes, which he let me do without hesitation, still saying nothing. He seemed to be as shocked about my boldness as I was.

The whole experience was so intimate - the way he caressed my thighs and hips as he loved me with his mouth, the way he cradled me as he flipped us over, making sure I was cared for, the way his hands moved on the back of my thighs as he pumped into me. Every one of his movements was deliberate and perfectly placed to bring me the most pleasure. He was the most unselfish lover I'd ever had, which was so surprising to me given his lifestyle. I felt worshipped in that moment. I had no idea how he was going to feel about the night, but I would never forget it, no matter what happened when we got back to Seattle.

There was a small part of me that felt like Tanya, which made me feel ashamed. Was I any better than she was? Hadn't I just cheapened myself the same way she always did? I couldn't think about that. I couldn't change the past. Truth be told, I didn't regret anything that had happened, no matter that undercurrent of discomfort.

Knowing we were leaving our little happiness bubble today was making me panicked. How would things be between us? Could we move past this? I knew last night changed things for us, and I had been willing to take that risk, but how much damage had been done? I had no idea.

What would our friends think? Hell, _I_ didn't even know how things were going to be once we got back to Seattle, so how could I possibly speculate what our friends would think. I'd have to talk to Edward, that much was obvious, but it was probably best if our friends stayed in the dark about this little interlude.

I was pulled from my thoughts when Edward started to wake up.

Cue the awkwardness. Again.

"Morning." I nervously played with my hair as I watched him.

"Morning." He just lay there looking at me for a minute and then continued, "So, uh…we need to talk."

"Edward, before you say anything, just listen." I sat up and supported myself with my hand.

"Bella –"

"No, please. Let me say this. I don't know what came over me last night. It was just that we had such a great day, and it was our last night here, and I wanted to be close to you. I know we agreed that we wouldn't take things to that level, but it just seemed right at the time. I'm sure that it's just because we're here in New York and away from all of our friends that this happened. But I'm not going to apologize for my actions. I'm not sorry. Perhaps we shouldn't have done it, but I don't regret it."

He covered his face with his hand and rolled to face me. "Fuck…I don't know…fuck."

He didn't say anything more. He didn't have to. He looked how I felt – worried.

I had to fix this. I needed to let him off the hook so I didn't have to hear his exit speech. I didn't think I could handle it. "I don't have any misconceptions about what our relationship really is, and I don't want you to worry that I'm going to change or become a psycho stalker or anything like that. I'm a big girl, and I can handle it." I mustered all the bravado I had, not really sure how much of what I said was true, but knowing it needed to be.

He looked deep in thought, as if he was carefully constructing his response. "I'm not concerned about that. I know you aren't some stalker. I just want to make sure you're okay. You're my best friend, and I care about you."

I fell down onto the pillow, facing him. I really wanted this conversation to be over. I could see how hard it was for him. He didn't want to be talking about this any more than I did, but neither of us seemed to want things to change between us. I needed him to know they hadn't, that we'd be okay.

"You don't have to do this," I said softly.

"Shit, Bella. The very last thing in the world I want is for you to be hurt. I feel like I've already fucked that up, though. I should have stopped things last night. I shouldn't have let things get this far."

"At least I know how Late Night Tanya puts up with you now," I said in an attempt to lighten the mood. He winced, and I could tell my attempt at humor was ill-timed and not appreciated. So I tried to recover by saying, "It's not your fault, Edward. I'm the one that did this. I don't want to place any blame. You don't have to feel guilty."

"Still, it shouldn't have happened." He sighed as he got up to go to the bathroom. "We should have known better."

As soon as he shut the door, I came to the realization that, although I didn't regret what happened, Edward did. I could tell just by looking at him he felt weird, and I hoped we hadn't done something that would ruin our friendship. I wanted to feel the same confidence I'd felt the other day that we'd get past this.

I wasn't naïve. I knew sex complicated things, but this was_ Edward_ we were talking about. He had uncomplicated sex all the time. And that was what this was - just sex. At least to him it was. Despite my conflicted feelings, I didn't expect anything more. I couldn't expect anything more. I got myself into this position, knowing full well what he was like, and I'd have to deal with the consequences. I knew him well enough to know if I was okay with things, then he'd definitely be okay. I'd have to fix this if I wanted things to go back to normal between us, and I knew he'd follow my lead.

When he came out of the bathroom, I motioned for him to come and sit down on the bed with me.

"Listen, we're leaving today, and I don't want there to be any bad feelings between us. I'm not hurt by what happened. What's done is done, and now it's back to reality," I said, as I grabbed his hands and looked him in the eyes.

"I don't want any bad feelings, either." He ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"Then you're okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. I know we're good enough friends to get through this. I mean, I still feel like shit that it happened at all, but our friendship means too much to me to let something like this get in the way."

"I agree. We'll be okay," I said as I stood up and gave him a hug. "Now, let's get packing,"

We quietly packed up our things and left our room. There was a part of me that was sad to leave our little haven we had shared for the past four days, but it was inevitable. As I closed the door behind me, I felt like I was leaving something behind – the easiness, the possibilities, us.

The ride to the airport was quiet as we passed the landmarks we'd seen on our trip. I watched the Empire State building get smaller in the distance, remembering how it felt to be comforted by Edward at the top. I thought of the club, and the pool hall, and the reggae bar. All memories I would cherish. Our flight was uneventful, and the minute we took off we both knew what we were leaving behind. But still, the conversation was light between us. I hoped things would be normal when we got back. Based on our conversation earlier, I got the sense Edward wanted the same thing, so hopefully that was enough.

After we landed and claimed all of our bags, I drove to his place. It was a little awkward to say the least. The last time I was here, Late Night Tanya was here fucking Edward. Now, things were different. Normally after a trip like that (as if I had any precedence), there would have at least been a warm hug or a friendly kiss, but that wasn't possible for us now, nor was it the right thing to do.

"Thanks for inviting me, Bella. I had an incredible time with you," Edward said, getting out of the car.

He walked around to my side of the car and leaned down with his arms on the top to say goodbye.

He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but I shook my head ever so slightly, hoping he'd know I didn't expect it or want it.

"I had fun, too. Give me a call tomorrow." I tried to diffuse the awkward moment by being aloof. It seemed to work.

"Will do. Uh…thanks again," he said, as he turned and walked toward the door. He waved as I pulled away, and I threw my head back onto the headrest as I watched him in my rearview mirror.

Yep, we were back to reality.

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**A/N: These two really think they can wish away their feelings for each other. Maybe if they sweep their feelings under the rug, they'll go away? Yeah, we all know how that usually works out. So, who do you think is going to break first – Edward or Bella? Tell me your theories!**

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, for making this readable. Also, much love to my pre-readers. You guys make me smile!**

**In case you didn't know this, I read and respond to every review. I even give teasers. So, please let me know what you think. I love all your theories and ideas! **

**This is a short transitional chapter. The next chapter should be up on Saturday. **


	8. Chapter 8 Heidi

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 8: Heidi**

**Edward**

It had been a week since we got home from New York. Things between Bella and me were slowly getting back to normal. I had talked to her frequently throughout the week, and our conversations were light and easy. Tonight, we were meeting all of our friends for happy hour at The Tavern. I was excited to see them and show them the pictures from our trip. Plus, I had my impressive condom collection to distribute amongst them, which I was sure would amuse everyone.

Bella and I had decided on the plane that it would be best if none of our friends knew about what had transpired between us in New York. It would only make our friends feel weird, and since Bella and I were okay with things, there was no need to muddy the waters.

Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and I were already at The Tavern when Bella and Alice walked in. It was the first time I'd seen Bella since last Sunday, and she looked great – happy, even. I couldn't help but smile when I saw her. She smiled back warmly.

Apparently, Bella and Alice had taken off from work a few hours early to hit up a sale at a department store, so they were all smiles.

"You guys wouldn't believe the deals we found! Everything was 40% off," Alice squealed with entirely too much enthusiasm. Rosalie's eyes perked up.

"Okay, you guys know me. I'm not much of a shopper, but there were some really great deals. I even survived Hurricane Alice. I think I should get an award or something," Bella joked, earning her a playful glare from Alice.

"Bella, you'll thank me when you have guys eating out of your palms in some of those outfits we bought," Alice said, without a hint of remorse.

I bristled at the thought, as I knew just how hot she could look when she was dressed up.

"I hope I have an occasion to wear half the stuff. That was one of the cool things about New York – everyone dressed up. But here? Yeah, not so much. Especially at all these dive bars Emmett likes." Bella laughed as she gave Emmett a fake scowl.

"Hey, you guys just lack vision and style. These places have character. They're like old souls; they have a story to tell. Unlike some trendy new spot that will be but a blip in the social history of this city." Emmett was so funny with his love of dive bars. Wherever we went, he always sniffed out the seediest places. It totally suited him. I remembered the dive bar from New York and thinking how much Emmett would love it.

"I get it, baby. They're real places, filled with real people. Just like you." Rosalie kissed him lightly. Emmett gloated.

Changing the subject, Jasper asked, "What time is Jake coming, Bella?"

"He'll be here in about an hour. I called him on my way here," Bella answered.

"I thought you were going to stop seeing him? He's not exactly Mr. Excitement." Alice scrunched up her nose as if she smelled something foul. I chuckled to myself.

Bella avoided my eyes and looked at Alice. "I was going to break thing off. I still might, but I haven't met anyone else I want to date. At least he takes me out."

I kept my mouth shut. The last thing she needed was for me to tell her what a complete twit I thought Jake was - even though I did, and he was.

"You don't have to settle, Bella. There are a ton of guys who would be lucky to date you," Alice responded as Bella rolled her eyes uncomfortably.

"Okay, you always say that. But where are all these guys? I never meet anyone interesting. And anytime I do end up meeting someone nice, then they are already taken."

She tried to keep her tone light, but I could tell she was genuinely annoyed. She glanced up at me and shook her head slightly as she looked away. I wondered what she was thinking.

A little while later, Jake walked up to the table, and everyone groaned into their drinks. He received the typical insincere greetings from everyone as he sat down. He turned to Bella and leaned over to give her a quick kiss, which made the rest of us roll our eyes.

"Hey there! How was your week?" Jake asked, while brushing a piece of hair from Bella's face.

I hated the sound of his voice. I hated the way he touched her.

"It was good. You know, busy." I couldn't read Bella. Was she excited to see him? I mean, she'd invited him here tonight, but her body language was pretty standoffish.

Jake continued talking as he grabbed her hand on the table. "I've been excited to see you since you got back from New York."

Bella winced at the mention of New York. Only I knew why. She purposefully avoided eye contact with me, seemingly worried she'd reveal too much.

I couldn't help the smug smile on my face. I knew something Jake didn't – a lot, actually. I'd rocked her world when he couldn't. Yeah, I was definitely smug.

"We had a great time Jake. It's too bad you couldn't join us. I'm sure Bella would have _loved_ for you to have been there," I chimed in, deciding to have a little fun with the situation.

Bella shot me a disapproving glare and began to tell Jake about the trip, leaving out the inappropriate parts. I was getting irritated watching her act as though nothing had happened, glossing over moments we both knew were profound. Of course, I hadn't expected her to come right out with things, but actually hearing her omit the details bugged me. In addition, she seemed to have adopted a new found fascination with Jake. Just minutes earlier, she was saying how she didn't like him all that much, and now suddenly he was the most interesting person in the room?

I couldn't take it anymore and got up to go to the bar and get a drink. Jasper followed me.

"What was that about, Edward?" he asked, motioning to the table.

_Shit, I wasn't as discreet as I thought._

"What are you talking about?" I was being passive aggressive, and I knew it.

"I'm talking about the death looks you and Bella have been giving each other since we got here. I'm talking about you being a blatant asshole to Jake."

"He's a dick and has the personality of a rock. I can't help it if I don't like the guy. Bella isn't even that interested in him, either."

"That's her business, not yours. What's with you two, anyway? You've been weird all week." Leave it to Jasper to be so perceptive.

"Nothing's with me. I don't know what you mean about the looks, either. She knows how I feel about Jake, and I can't help it if I don't like him. Should I just pretend I do?"

"Yes, Edward, that's exactly what you should do. For her sake. It's not your choice; it's Bella's."

"Whatever," I said as I watched Bella leave with Jake's arms around her.

Did she really want him?

I was feeling annoyed at having been called out by Jasper and watching Bella leave with Jake, so I ordered a shot. It bugged me that I cared so much about them being together. But it did. It really did.

I decided I needed a little distraction from all the drama. I found two such distractions in the form of blondes with big tits sitting at a table nearby. I could feel my friends' disapproving eyes on me from across the bar, but I didn't care.

I was used to being a sweet talker and getting what I wanted, so it didn't surprise me when they asked me to join them. The blondes were about what I expected – too drunk, too dumb, too shallow. I hit the jackpot. It didn't take me long until I had one of the girls, Heidi, in my car on the way back to my apartment.

Still upset over Bella and my confrontation with Jasper, I didn't waste any time when we got to my place. Heidi had to know what it was I was after as I'd been fairly obvious about my intentions. I needed this release from my tension; I didn't need her. Maybe that made me an asshole, but it was the truth. Sex wasn't something I over thought. Not usually, anyway.

As I closed my eyes, my mind was flooded with images of Bella's body and how her hands had worked the condom onto my cock. I could almost feel her lips on mine and how soft they were. I remembered the electric energy I felt when I was with her and how her body had felt in my hands.

What the fuck was going on? This wasn't like me.

Trying to eradicate all memories of New York, I moved Heidi forward toward the couch, bent her slightly over the top of it and quickly shed my pants. For one brief moment, I wondered if Bella was touching Jake right now, and that thought fueled my anger. I wasn't gentle. I wasn't caring. And I definitely wasn't thinking of this girl. When it was over, she lifted her head and looked over her shoulder at me.

"Wow…you felt… incredible." She had a stupid smile on her face that she probably thought was sexy. "Was it good for you?"

"Yeah, it was great," I lied. I didn't want to play this game with her. It wasn't great at all, but she didn't need to know that. It had only been a minute, but I already regretted our encounter. I felt guilty, like I was cheating. It bugged the fuck out of me; especially knowing Bella felt no such guilt. She'd gone off with Jake, letting him touch her, letting him kiss her. I excused myself to get cleaned up and showed the dumb blonde to the guest bathroom. When she found me again in the living room, she decided to break the silence first.

"So, um, do you want me to stay?" she asked, obviously wondering if there was more to this than what there was.

_Hell no, I don't._

"Sorry. I have to be up really early tomorrow, so I think it would probably be best if you went home. I wouldn't want to wake you, unnecessarily." I gave my standard answer.

"It's okay. I don't mind getting up early," she said, sliding in next to me and running her hands up my chest.

If I managed to keep the disdain off my face, it was a miracle. I felt so fucking uncomfortable with her here. I just needed her gone.

"Really, I'll just take you home. It's better that way." If I had to be blunt, well, so be it.

"Oh. Okay. I understand." She nodded her head and pursed her lips in acceptance. "Well thanks for tonight, anyway. I knew you'd be fun."

She seemed resigned to what had transpired between us. What else did she expect? Apparently nothing. Something told me this wasn't the first time she'd done this.

"Uh…yeah… thanks," I said as we walked to the door and out to my car.

The ride to her house was awkward as hell, and I made a mental note never to drive a casual fuck home from the bar. They'd have to bring their own car here. This was fucking torture.

Of course, I knew I'd never call her. I didn't even want to remember what had happened between us, let alone continue to see her. She didn't seem to expect anything from me, either, so maybe I could put this whole fiasco behind me.

When I got back to my house, I hopped into the shower to rinse all traces of her off me. It had always been easy for me to be with women and separate my feelings from my actions, but tonight felt completely wrong. I felt dirty. I saw myself for the first time as my friends saw me, and I didn't like it at all.

I knew Bella would never think of me as more than a friend; we'd established that. But my experience with her had shown me just how good sex could be when there were real emotions involved. Sure, the physical part always felt good, but I'd seen how much more it could be. The impact on me from my time with Bella had been profound, much more than I had originally thought. I thought I could go back to normal and that we could remain as good of friends as we had always been, but I had been in complete denial. I'd had a taste of the fruit of knowledge, and I couldn't undo the effect it had on me.

As the water ran down over me, I couldn't help but remember Bella's beautiful face as she came. I could almost feel her soft kisses, and her slick tongue gliding into my mouth, teasing me. I imagined her hands rubbing my chest as she slid up and down on my cock. I remembered how tight she was and how good she felt; it was these thoughts that made my dick instantly hard again.

Why was this happening? Why couldn't I get past this? And why did my body react so powerfully when I thought of her?

I had to relieve the ache that had formed with the thoughts of Bella. I grabbed my painfully hard dick and began to stroke myself. My hands were a distant second to Bella, but at least I had the memories to draw on; the way she threw her head back as she came; the way she moaned my name each time I thrust into her; the way her hands caressed my hair as she kissed me. My dick began to throb as I approached my release. I tugged on it roughly a few more times, and when I thought of the way she looked sitting above my mouth as I tasted her, I spilled into the shower forcefully. I stood there out of breath, leaning against the wall as I recovered.

This was not good. Not good at all.

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**A/N: Okay, I know some of you are going to stab my voodoo doll and be very angry with me, but this had to happen. He couldn't simply change overnight. So, no throwing tomatoes…**

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta, and my pre-readers for helping me feel not so nervous about this one. I heart you guys. **

**Next up, we'll see if Bella's faring better! For a teaser, shoot me a review. **

**Next chapter will be up on Sunday or Monday.**


	9. Chapter 9 Jake

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 9: Jake**

**Bella**

I had been out shopping with Alice for a few hours on Friday before we met up with the rest of the gang. It was nice to spend some one-on-one time with her, as we'd hardly seen each other lately. I was so tempted to tell her about what had happened between Edward and me and almost blew it a few times. I hated keeping that kind of a secret from her, as we always shared the details of our lives with each other. But Edward and I had decided to keep that between us, so I restrained myself.

On our way to meet the guys I called Jake to invite him out with us. He'd been bugging me about getting together since we got back, and I couldn't blow him off forever. He was a nice guy, and as selfish as it was on my part, it was nice to be desired. I knew things weren't going any further with us, but he always made me feel good – appreciated.

We arrived at the Tavern for happy hour after everyone else was already there. I was a little nervous about seeing Edward, but then he smiled at me as I walked in, and I knew things would be okay.

Alice immediately started in on the details of our shopping escapades. I felt really self-conscious when she brought up my new outfits and how guys would love them. I was uncomfortable talking like that, even in front of my good friends. Plus, it just felt like a weird thing to be talking about in front of Edward, so I avoided looking at him. Thankfully the moment passed, and I could relax again. That is, until Jasper brought up Jake.

I had been dreading bringing Jake around my friends after the last couple of times we'd been out together. None of them liked him, especially Edward, and it was uncomfortable for everyone. Plus, I always felt like I had to baby-sit him because he couldn't just hang out. Of course, it was even weirder since Edward and I had been together while I was technically seeing Jake. Jake and I weren't exclusive, so I didn't feel guilty or feel like I was cheating on him, but it was still very awkward. What happened in New York between Edward and me was a one-time thing. That was it. Still, being with Jake and Edward at the same time was weird. No matter how I looked at it, it was just awkward, and I didn't feel right about it.

When Jake finally arrived, he was greeted with the typical indifference from my friends. I wasn't surprised, but I had hoped they could put on a better front for my sake. Why couldn't they just suck it up and be nice to the guy? He wasn't an asshole. He may not have been the most engaging guy, but he was nice enough.

To my horror, Jake asked about New York. Perfect. Just the topic I didn't want to discuss in front of Edward. I could feel Edward's smug face looking at me, causing my face to turn beet red with annoyance and embarrassment. I was sure my naughty thoughts were apparent to everyone there, but my friends didn't seem to notice my discomfort.

My embarrassment turned to anger when Edward decided to be an asshole and bring up how much I would have wanted Jake in New York. He knew I would feel uncomfortable, yet he did it anyway. He knew I was trying to put it all behind us, but he didn't care. All he cared about was himself and making Jake look like a fool, even if he and I were the only ones in on the joke. I understood he hated Jake; that much was obvious, but he should have had more consideration for me. I was pissed.

"Jake, just ignore him," I said, shooting an evil glance at Edward. "We did have a good time. The city is amazing, and we found a couple of funky bars and a ton of eclectic shops. It's hard to comprehend how huge it is until you're there. It's massive, and we walked for hours; there's so much to do. From the top of the Empire State building you can see all of Manhattan. You should totally go if you get the chance." I tried to keep my tone upbeat to lighten the mood, but I still felt irate at Edward.

"I wish I could have seen it with you. What was your favorite part?" Jake asked me, as he stroked my back lightly. Normally I would have loved this kind of attention, but right now it made me uncomfortable, and I sat up stiffly.

Edward grew smug again, but I tried to blow him off. Of course, he knew my favorite part of the trip. Asshole.

"My favorite was probably the food," I lied. "We ate at some great spots, and even the dive places had great food." He didn't need to know the truth. No, that would stay a secret.

Edward got up to go to the bar after a while, and I was relieved, relaxing a little more into my barstool. He was making this very awkward for me, and I wasn't sure why. We both had agreed that we'd move on from what happened in New York, so I didn't understand his behavior. I decided based on Edward's mood, which was quickly making me equally sour, it was probably a good time to leave and avoid any further confrontations. I hugged all my friends and gathered my stuff.

"You ready?" I asked Jake.

"Yep, let's hit it," he replied. "I want you all to myself." He put his arms around me, and we started to walk out. I could feel Edward's glare as we left, but I didn't stop. I made a mental note to ask Edward what crawled up his ass and died.

When we got back to my place, I grabbed us a couple of drinks and headed over to the couch, where Jake had already made himself comfortable.

He put the drinks on the coffee table and pulled me into a hug.

"I missed you, Bella. Having you gone really made me realize how much I like you and want to be with you."

He pushed me back so I was lying on the couch underneath him. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. His kisses were a little forceful, and I couldn't help but notice the contrast between these kisses and the soft kisses with Edward. They were night and day. Edward was able to anticipate my needs, while Jake just plowed full steam ahead not even noticing my reaction. Perhaps that was the reason why Edward had so many women wanting to be with him.

I could feel the urgency in Jake's actions. He was different than he was before I left. It was as if his feelings for me had intensified in my absence. His tongue pushed into my mouth, and he lowered himself to rest his full body weight on me. He rocked gently, and I could feel his erection on my thigh. I suddenly felt nervous and almost embarrassed. We had not had a very physical relationship up to this point, but I could tell he was eager. I should have wanted that, too.

His hand moved down to pull up my shirt, and all I could think about was Edward's hands and how incredible they felt on me. Jake's hands were calloused from his work as a mechanic, and he touched me too hard for my liking. I tried to forget about Edward and focus on Jake. He was here. He was real. He wanted a relationship with me. I closed my eyes and let myself give in to the feeling of his hands on me, but no matter what I did, my mind betrayed me. When he reached my breast, I arched my back into him, trying to convince myself that his hands felt as good as Edward's. He took my nipple between his fingers and lightly pinched, which caused me to gasp. And not in a good way.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he groaned as he lowered his lips to meet his hand on my breast. His kisses moved lower onto my stomach, and his hands began working on my pants. I enjoyed the feeling of being kissed, but it wasn't _his_ kisses I was craving. My mind was flooded with the memories of Edward's gentle caresses, and my body reacted strongly at the thought.

Jake pulled down my pants as he ran his hands along my thighs and gave me soft kisses trailing down my legs. He looked up at me with lust in his eyes and kissed his way back up my body. I closed my eyes, feeling conflicted. This wasn't right. He wasn't Edward. He wasn't even close. When his hands moved on top my underwear, I jumped at the contact.

"I want you so badly." There was tension in his voice, and his desire was clear.

As nice as it was to feel attractive, I knew I had to put a stop to this. I had no intention of having sex with Jake. I shouldn't have been having thoughts about anyone else when I was with him. It wasn't fair to either of us.

"Jake, stop. Please," I said as I tapped his shoulder.

"What is it, baby? Was I moving to fast?" He fumbled over his words, concerned. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"No, it's just…I just…I can't do this. I'm sorry." I sat up, forcing him to move and sit in front of me on the couch. I hung my head and sighed.

He didn't say anything. He just looked at me with confusion and worry in his eyes. I reached for my pants and slid them back on while he watched. He was staring at me intently, as if deciding how to proceed. He didn't understand what happened, what he did wrong. Frankly, neither did I.

"What's going on, Bella? Talk to me."

This was a nightmare. How did I explain it to him?

He took the silence my hesitation provided and continued talking. "If I upset you, I'm sorry. You just felt so good. I missed you so much when you were gone."

"Jake…it's not that."

"Listen, I know we've never talked about it, but I really like you, Bella. I want you to be my girlfriend. I don't want you to see anyone else, and I don't want to see anyone else, either. I think we're ready to take our relationship to the next level."

Oh God. No.

I didn't want to hurt Jake, but I also knew I didn't see us going in that direction, and it wasn't fair to him to string him along. He wanted more from me, and I didn't know what to think.

"Jake, you didn't upset me, and you didn't do anything wrong. It's okay. I just need some time to process what you've said. I'm sorry things didn't go as you had planned tonight, but I'm just really confused. Would you mind it too much if we called it a night tonight and talked again tomorrow? I need to sort things out in my head." I felt horrible leaving him without a better explanation, but I couldn't deal with his confession. It was too much.

He scratched the back of his neck nervously. "I don't understand. Things have been great between us. We can take it slow if you want. I just want to be with you. If you need time to think, that's fine. We'll talk tomorrow." His voice was filled with desperation as he stood up and walked to the door.

He was being much nicer than I deserved. He was expressing his feelings and being open, while I couldn't even put my thoughts into a coherent pattern. I was all over the map.

"Thanks for understanding, Jake. Why don't we meet for lunch?"

"Sure." He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss and turned to leave.

After he left, I slumped down on the couch, feeling like complete shit. Why couldn't I just be happy with what I had? Why had I let thoughts of Edward, whom I could never have, ruin something real for me? I felt bad having to end the night like that with Jake, but I knew I didn't see us taking that next step in our relationship. He deserved someone who would love him and commit to him, and I could do neither of those things. I couldn't force myself to feel something I didn't feel.

When had my life become so complicated? Was it too much to ask to find a nice guy who loved me and made me happy? I grabbed my drink and headed to my bedroom. This night had turned out much worse than I had expected.

The next day, Jake and I met for lunch at a small café downtown.

"Hey there," he said, as he approached the table. I could tell he was apprehensive, and I felt terrible for causing him such anxiety. He was a nice guy who didn't deserve to be led on.

"Hey Jake." I motioned for him to sit down.

"So, what's up?" He jumped right in as he nervously drummed his fingers on the table.

"I've done a lot of thinking about us. I feel terrible, but I can't be your girlfriend." I felt like the world's biggest asshole.

He looked down at the ground, avoiding my eyes, taking in what I had just told him. He looked like he was trying to formulate the words in his mind, but he didn't speak. I couldn't tell if he was surprised or not.

"I'm so sorry, Jake. I never meant to hurt you. I think you're a really great guy. You've never been anything but great to me. But I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship with you right now. I just…I don't feel the same way about you that you do about me, and it's not fair to you. I really like you as a friend, but I don't feel more than that. I'm so sorry. I think it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore."

I could see the hurt in his eyes. He nodded slightly. "I thought that was what you were going to say after what happened last night. Is that what you want? You're really going to break up with me?"

"Yeah, I am. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

"You said that already, Bella." His eyes shot through mine with fury.

I needed to fix this. "It's true. You deserve to be treated better than this."

He sighed, looked down at the table, and then back up at me, resolved. "Fine. If that's what you want, I won't bother you. I'm sorry I wasted your time."

His voice was filled with vitriol as he stood up quickly and grabbed his stuff.

"Jake, wait…"

He walked out of the restaurant without another word and was gone.

I was alone again.

Knowing I'd hurt Jake made me feel horrible. I wished I could make myself feel something for him, but I couldn't. What else was I supposed to do? Should I have continued on with him as though things were fine, when I knew they weren't? It was fine with us when things were casual, but the minute he said he wanted me as his girlfriend, I panicked. I didn't want that with him. Plus, it wasn't fair to him for me to be fantasizing about someone else when I was with him. Even though Edward and I wouldn't be together like that again, I clearly had not forgotten about things between us. My mind and body weren't ready to let go of that damned trip to New York and Edward's magic hands.

Perhaps I needed be single for a while; I needed to clear my head.

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**A/N: So Bella may be handling things a little bit more maturely than Edward, but that doesn't mean she's over it. Something's gotta give. How do you think Edward's going to take the news of Jake's departure? Think he'll make a move when he finds out, or will he be too afraid of her reaction?**

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta, who makes my words pretty. Also, much love to my pre-readers Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779. I love your dialogue about the story! It makes me happy! **

**Next chapter should be up by Wednesday at the latest. **


	10. Chapter 10 Surrender

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 10:**** Surrender**

**Edward**

I was lounging on my couch when Alice and Jasper arrived.

"Emmett," I yelled, feeling too lazy to get up. "Grab the door!"

Emmett walked into the room and shook his head when he saw me.

"Lazy sack of shit," he mumbled as we walked to the door.

I smiled. I was lazy. At least I didn't have to get up.

Everyone was hanging out here tonight to play games or watch movies or whatever. I had no idea what the plan was, but we always found something fun to do. Rosalie was already here with Emmett, as they had been virtually inseparable since they met.

"Hey there." Alice reached down over the back of the couch and messed up my hair. "What's on the agenda this evening?"

"No idea. No one is stepping up to the plate and planning anything, and I'm too lazy," I responded.

"Have you moved all day?" Alice asked, laughing.

"Not really. I'll rally, though. You'll see."

"I think we should watch _Office Space_. I got it on Netflix. It's fucking hilarious," Jasper said, jumping into his best impersonation of his 'O-face'.

"Is that the best you can do? I'm surprised Alice doesn't run from the room screaming when you guys have sex. You look like you're being stabbed." I sat up to join the land of the living.

"Fuck you, Cullen," Jasper said, plopping down on the chair next to the couch.

Just then, Bella walked in with a bottle of wine in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.

"Hey guys. So we have wine and chips. Not exactly a great mix. Sorry. I meant to make something from scratch, but I ran out of time and this was the best I could do today," Bella said with a smile.

"No worries. At least the wine is good, right?" I grabbed the bottle from her hand to inspect it. It was a cheaper bottle but not terrible.

She shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a big spender." She gave Alice and Rosalie hugs after she set her stuff down.

"Let's get this party started." Emmett came crashing into the room with a beer in his hand.

"How about a drinking game? I haven't played one forever," Bella suggested.

Alice chimed in. "How about I Never? You play by saying something you've never done and anyone who has done it has to drink."

I wasn't sold. "A drinking game? What are we? Eighteen?"

Alice smacked me on the arm. "Shut up. It'll be fun. With everything you've done, you'll be drunk in no time. Plus, you know you're curious."

I had to admit, I liked the idea of finding out some of Bella's secrets. We'd always been open with each other but not that open. So I agreed to play, as did everyone else. We grabbed drinks and congregated around the couch.

"I'll go first," Emmett said, smiling. "I've never kissed someone of the same sex."

Rosalie and Bella drank. Really? Bella and another girl? I'd have to store that thought for later.

"Okay, I've never had a one night stand," Alice said, glaring at me.

All the guys drank, with Alice eyeing Jasper suspiciously. Bella didn't drink. I was glad. I didn't think of what happened as a one-night stand, either.

"I've never had sex on a first date," Jasper said.

We all drank. Bella was blushing as she did. Again, I was curious.

"I've never had a friend with benefits," Rosalie added when it was her turn.

I nearly spit up my drink. Bella and I avoided eye contact. No one drank.

_We're such liars. _

"I've never given a blow job." I just wanted to make the girls drink, which they did.

I thought about Bella giving a blow job and had to downshift into thoughts of my grandmother to avoid getting a massive hard on.

"I've never had sex with more than one person at a time," Bella said, looking around wondering who would come clean.

Emmett and I drank, giving each other a bump of our fists.

"I've never fantasized about Edward," Emmett threw out as he laughed. I laughed, too, but only out of nervousness.

"Shit! Who hasn't?" Alice said, laughing as I blushed and she drank. The other two girls joined her, much to Emmett's chagrin.

So the truth had come out. I didn't care what the other girls had done - only Bella. And Bella had fantasized about me. The thought made my dick twitch. I wondered if it was a recent thing or not. I was intrigued. I definitely wanted to know about that fantasy.

After my disaster with Heidi last week, I'd been doing a lot of thinking. The bottom line was I was attracted to Bella, and there wasn't much I could do about it. She and I had no intention of being more than friends, but there was no doubt about it, my body wanted her.

Before we left New York, Bella had said she didn't regret what had happened between us. That thought made me hopeful. Hopeful for what I wasn't exactly sure; I just knew I had to be with her again. It was becoming like an addiction to me, and I wasn't going to be satisfied until my addiction was fed. I was sure I'd fuck things up, but I had to do something. Jacking off every night to thoughts of her would only get me so far, as would denial.

I didn't know about Bella, though. She clearly didn't feel the same way about me, as she was still with that loser Jake. Other than our usual flirting, I hadn't gotten any indication there were any feelings there. I couldn't say I blamed her. I hadn't exactly had a stellar past as far as women went. If I were Bella, I wouldn't trust me, either.

Truth be told, I had no idea how to be a good boyfriend. I usually had a visceral reaction when even presented with the word boyfriend, but it was different with her. She made me want more. I didn't know how things would be for us if we were together. What if we dated for a few weeks and then realized we couldn't stand each other? What if this attraction I felt when I was around her was just me wanting what I couldn't have? I didn't want to hurt her, but I was too selfish to do the right thing and stay away.

As the night progressed, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Occasionally she'd catch me staring and flash me a smile, which made me want to be even closer to her. I tried to act indifferent, but it got increasingly harder as the night went on. She dropped an earring on the floor, and when she bent over to pick it up I could see her lower back and the top of her thong underwear sticking out of her jeans as her shirt lifted. My dick got instantly hard. She wasn't even trying, and she unknowingly had me hard for a good portion of the evening.

After several more games had been played, everyone was tired.

"We're going to hit the sack. Goodnight, everyone," Emmett said, pulling Rosalie down the hall.

"Yeah, we should go, too," Alice said as she stood up, prompting Jasper and Bella to do the same.

I closed the door behind them as they left and went to try and pick up the mess a little before I went to bed. Just then, the doorbell rang. It was Bella.

"Sorry, I forgot my keys," she said, as she walked past me into the kitchen.

I followed her and decided to use this alone time to my advantage.

"Bella, I want to talk to you about something." I hated how nervous I felt.

"What's up?" She turned around and leaned back slightly onto the kitchen counter.

"Before you get pissed off, I'm only saying this as a friend. It's about Jake. I honestly don't think he's right for you. You're too good for him. It's not just me who feels that way. He's not nearly interesting or smart enough for you." I fully expected her wrath at my comment.

"You've never liked him, Edward. I don't know if you'll think anyone I date is good enough. But it's moot point anyway about Jake, because I broke things off with him," she said matter-of-factly.

"Really? When did that happen?" I tried to act nonchalant while my insides did flips.

"The other night after we left The Tavern things started to go bad. You remember. It was the night you were being such an asshole? Anyway, he told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend, and I knew I couldn't do that, so I broke it off with him."

"For the record, I'm sorry." It was about as sincere apology as I could muster. I hadn't meant to be a dick to her, but I couldn't feel sorry for wanting Jake out of the picture.

She shrugged. "I feel bad that I hurt him, but everyone knew it wasn't going anywhere. And anyway, I've had a lot on my mind. It wasn't fair to him."

_A lot on her mind? Like what? Me?_

I decided I needed to do more, so I moved closer and said, "I wasn't being an asshole; he just has no sense of humor. I'm sorry if I pissed you off. It was just…complicated."

"It's okay. It was an awkward night for me, too. But since we're on the topic, I couldn't believe you brought up New York like that. You knew I'd be uncomfortable."

"Yeah well, I can't stop thinking about New York. It's fucking clouding my judgment," I said, now standing only inches away. I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly, and she wasn't moving away, so she must have felt something, too.

"Edward, I…" I didn't let her finish. I leaned down, put my hands on the side of her face and touched my lips to hers. At first she resisted me, but then I could feel her relax as she opened her mouth to me. I slipped my tongue past her lips, and she began to kiss me back with passion. Oh, how I had missed this! She was everything I remembered and more. Her lips were soft, and I could smell the sweet shampoo in her hair. I was taking her all in. My hands snaked around her back, and I pulled her as close to me as I could. I let my hands drift lower over her ass and hitched her leg up and around me.

"Have you thought about New York as much as I have?" I said, touching my forehead to hers.

She nodded and dropped her eyes. "What about our friendship?"

"I want that, too." I kissed her again, missing the way her lips felt on mine. "I want it all."

She whimpered but gave in to my touch, sinking into my arms.

"Fuck, I want you so badly. You have no idea," I whispered into her ear.

"Edward…" she said breathlessly.

"Let's go into my room." I grabbed her hand and led her behind me.

She was obviously conflicted about things between us, but surprisingly, she didn't protest. I was conflicted, too. But right now, she was going to be mine. When we got to my room, she sat down on the bed, waiting for me while I turned off the light. I could barely see her, as the only light coming in the room was from the street light outside my window. Bella was here, in my bedroom, with me, and I was going to take advantage of that fact.

I put my knee between her legs to get her to spread them and lowered myself down to her, pushing her back on the bed as I went. Her hair splayed out around her, perfectly framing her face. Without hesitation, she reached down and lifted her shirt over her head, revealing a navy lace bra.

_Fuuuuck me._

I was fucking ecstatic her inhibitions and apprehension were gone. In response to her, I took off my own shirt then lay back down on top of her quickly, needing the skin to skin contact. My hands roamed her sides and moved up to her breasts. She reached around, arching her back and unhooked her bra, which caused her chest to push into me. My hands came to rest on her breasts, and I was in heaven.

I leaned in and took one of her nipples into my mouth as I caressed the other one. I loved the reaction I got from her body. It thrilled me to see her like this.

"I want to know about your fantasy," I said in between kisses.

"Which one?" Her voice was breathy and light.

"There was more than one?" I smiled against her skin.

"There were plenty, but they're only for me."

"For now, they are."

I liked knowing she'd thought about me. It was a huge turn on to think about her touching herself while thinking of me. I'd get to the bottom of it, but right then, I just needed more of her.

I moved my kisses down her body until I was positioned above the waistline of her jeans. I unbuttoned them and slid them over her hips as I looked up the length of her body into her lust-filled eyes. She lifted her hips to help me, and I grew impossibly hard with anticipation. When she was naked, I moved her legs open so I could have full access to her.

"Un-uh. It's your turn." Her voice was seductive and silky as she removed my hands and made a move for my jeans.

_Oh, fuck yes._

Her confidence and comfort with her body was sexy as hell. She got me out of my pants with ease and laid me back on the bed. My dick was so hard I thought it was going to explode. Looking up at me the whole time, she started kissing her way down my body until she reached my waist. She teased me as she kissed my hips and thighs but avoided my cock. Finally, she put her hands around the base and took the tip into her mouth.

_Oh my fucking God._

I almost came right then and moaned loudly. Pleased with my reaction, she took my whole cock into her mouth and began slowly moving up and down, using her tongue along the underside and her hands at the base.

"Jesus Christ…that feels so fucking good. Don't stop, baby," I said through gritted teeth, not caring what I sounded like. She was driving me absolutely fucking crazy.

She continued her rhythm, and I could feel my release approaching rapidly. Not wanting this to end, I grabbed her by her shoulders and brought her up my body until she was straddling me, the weight of her body resting on mine.

"I can't believe we're doing this," she said, looking almost embarrassed and hiding her face in my chest.

Oh hell no! I wanted confident Bella back.

"Bella, I've never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now. You have no idea," I said, as she looked up at me.

She sighed, leaned in and gave me a passionate kiss. My hands roamed her back with my fingers spread wide in an attempt to meld her body to mine.

She reached down in between us, grabbed my rock hard cock and began to rub me.

"Do you have a condom?" She continued moving her hand on me.

I leaned over and reached into my nightstand to retrieve one. I opened the package, and with her hands intertwined with mine, rolled it on.

She moved back to straddle me and slowly guided herself down onto me until she was fully seated. We both moaned at the sensation. As she slid up and down on my length, my hands caressed her breasts. I wanted her closer, so I pulled her down to kiss me. We moved slowly with each other, kissing passionately as our hands roamed each other's bodies. Although she was gentle and slow, she was not tentative. Each move was a deliberate step in a beautifully synchronized dance. Her inner muscles clenched down on me with each thrust, and I felt myself getting close to my release.

"I'm so close…I want you to come." I grabbed her ass, forcing myself deep inside her and increasing the rhythm.

She took a deep breath and then moaned loudly into my shoulder. "I'm close, too…oh fuck…I'm gonna come."

She was panting heavily from her release, but she kept moving on me until my orgasm ripped through me. I held her close as we both came down from our powerful orgasms.

"Oh God." It was all I could force out of my mouth.

"Um…yeah…"

Our breathing began to slow. She got up and used the bathroom as I disposed of the condom. As she was on her way back to bed, I noticed how the streetlights illuminated her shape, making her skin look radiant.

"You're beautiful," I said without a second thought. She really was.

She smiled and climbed into bed with me, and I held out my arm to her, indicating where I wanted her to lie. I wanted her to stay with me. I wanted her to stay right where she was for as long as I could keep her.

"Are you sorry?" I asked. I needed to know when the regret would stop.

She shook her head. "No. Are you?"

Using my thumb, I gently lifted her chin so she could look at me. "I've never been sorry with you."

"It's weird to be here in your bed." She cuddled up to me, and I gave her a squeeze.

"Weird? Or good?"

"Weird because I know how often it's Tanya here and not me. Good because I'm the one here now."

Fucking Tanya. She had to bring up Tanya. I had no defense for that. She _had_ seen me (and heard me) bring Tanya into this very room. I felt dirty. I wanted to feel clean.

"You're nothing like Tanya." I gently rubbed her cheek.

She smiled weakly but said nothing.

Couldn't she see the difference? Didn't she understand?

"Stay with me," I said, looking down at her.

"I…don't…"

Was she trying to think of a way out? Did she not want to stay?

"Stay, Bella."

Maybe if I said it enough, she would.

"Are you sure?" She was tentative, unsure.

"Definitely." I was honest. It felt good.

"Alright, I will," she replied as she kissed my chest and relaxed into me.

I closed my eyes and smiled. She'd be here in the morning. I sighed.

"So, you and another girl, huh? Sounds sexy," I said, laughing.

"Just shut up and go to sleep, you perv," she huffed, elbowing me in the ribs. I smiled again.

If I died in my sleep, I would have died one fucking happy man.

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**A/N: So, now they've done it. They can't deny it anymore.**** Did anyone notice anything significant about this chapter? **

**What happens now? Tell me your theories! **

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta, and my pre-readers ellierk, dana1779, and Sunfeathers. You make me smile. **

**Next up, we'll see how the next morning goes. Leave me a review for a teaser. **


	11. Chapter 11 Emmett

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Emmett**

**Edward**

The sun came in my window and woke me up early. Bella was still asleep on her side of the bed. She looked so peaceful. I didn't want to move and ruin the moment. I lightly stroked her hair and watched the sun light up her features. The sheets were loosely laying over her, allowing just a peek at her gorgeous shape, and I felt a swelling sense of pride having her here in my bed with me.

She could be with anyone, and she had chosen me. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow just as it had been last night when I laid her down, looking over her. She was so beautiful then and was even more so now, even in sleep. Her cheeks were soft and creamy and had just the right amount of color to give her a healthy glow. I thought about her blushing during the drinking game we'd played the night before and how cute she had been when she was embarrassed. It made me smile.

Between the view of Bella naked in my bed and my vague recollection of some very naughty dreams, my morning wood was popping a tent with the sheets and needed some relief. In addition, we hadn't gotten very far with talking last night before things got too physically intense for us, but a conversation needed to happen. I wanted to sort things out, and I needed a clear head to do that. After a slight wrestling match, I was finally able to free my arm from underneath her without waking her up and headed to the shower.

I turned on the water as hot as I could stand it and climbed in, hoping I could relieve some of my tension. Last night was unexpected, but I couldn't bring myself to be sorry for anything that had happened. I had been controlling myself all night, but when she came back inside for her keys and we were alone, I just couldn't help it. I had to have her. My hands acted on their own volition as they grabbed her face, allowing me to lean into her for a kiss. I could kiss her everyday, all day and never tire of it. She poured so much emotion into our kisses that I could feel the energy between us with barely any contact at all.

I'd never been with a woman who made me feel the things Bella did. The emotions were so intense it was like I was connected with her. Her body fit with mine perfectly.

As steam began to fill the room, I started to rub myself, hoping to revive the feeling of being enveloped by Bella. By the time I got into a rhythm, I was so physically worked up I could hardly stand the pressure building inside me. I let the memories of Bella's soft touch and her bold confidence flood my mind as I furiously pumped myself. She went from confident vixen to demure and innocent in a split second. I was quickly able to bring myself to climax, and I came violently into the stream of water.

Physically, my body knew what it needed. She was like a drug to me. I wanted her. Mentally, however, I was a mess. I didn't want to hurt Bella, and I knew there was a very good chance that I could be leaving Seattle very soon. Becoming a doctor had been the only worthwhile goal in my life, and I'd focused on my studies for as long as I could remember. My residency was a huge part of achieving that dream. Even if I didn't leave, would I have time for a girlfriend? Did I want a girlfriend? Could I make her happy? I had always so been focused on my long-term goals that I had no interest in a girlfriend. But she had muddied the waters, and I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't know what I expected to happen or what I wanted from her.

I had no idea what the answer was. The only thing I knew was I craved her in a way that overwhelmed me and excited me at the same time. I wanted to touch her and hold her, and I sure as hell didn't want anyone else with her.

Putting me aside in this whole fucked-up mess, I still had no idea what Bella wanted. We hadn't had a chance to really talk about things since we got back from New York. We had both tried, albeit unsuccessfully, to act like we could go back to the way things were. We both knew that wasn't happening now. But could I really put myself out there, only to be rejected or potentially have our friendship destroyed?

After I finished showering and dried off, I walked into my room with just a towel around my waist, hoping to see Bella still asleep in my bed. Instead, she was dressed and putting on one of her shoes.

"Where are you going?" I asked, walking toward her.

"Uh, I have to go," she said, as she ran her fingers through her hair and furiously searched the room for her remaining shoe. She looked really uncomfortable.

"Why? Can't you stay for a little while? Maybe we can get some breakfast or something. I think we should talk, don't you?" I asked, now standing in front of her.

I wanted to know what had gotten her so worked up. I knew things would be awkward this morning, but I expected us to talk about things like we had before. I didn't know what to think about her obvious anxiety and immediate departure. It was something I would do, and had done numerous times, when I didn't want to be with someone. That thought made me nervous.

"Yeah, we should talk, and we will. I just…I can't stay...I gotta go." She was visibly flustered, and her eyes were darting all around the room. "But, we'll talk later, okay?" she said, as she finally found her shoe.

As ill-timed as the thought was, I couldn't help but notice the state of disarray in my room. Our clothes were strewn everywhere - a testament to the frenzy we'd felt for each other the night before.

I grabbed a pair of boxers and threw them on as she gathered the last of her stuff. She pushed around me and walked down the hall toward the kitchen, where Emmett was eating a bowl of cereal.

"Well, hello Bella," he said, giving me a sideways glance. "What brings you to our lovely abode this morning?"

"I uh…stayed here last night. I'd had too much to drink, so I just crashed with Edward after you and Rosalie went to bed." She tried to lie but the blush on her face betrayed her, and I could see how uncomfortable she was. So could Emmett, unfortunately.

She grabbed her purse and began to fumble for her keys. I followed her as she quickly made her way to the door so she could leave. Awkward goodbyes were the worst, and given how upset she was this morning, I feared this one would be especially bad. I wanted to make it better, but it certainly didn't help that I noticed Emmett's eyes glaring at me as we left the kitchen.

"Bye, Emmett," she yelled into the kitchen, looking anywhere but at me.

"Bye, Bella. See you later," he yelled back.

She finally stopped and looked at me as I held the door open for her. I wished I could have read her mind. She looked completely disheveled and anxious. Should I kiss her? Should I say something? I stopped being a pussy and decided to lean in for a kiss, but she turned her head at the last minute, looking toward the kitchen as if on the lookout for Emmett. If I was confused about her before, I was really confused after that. I had no idea how to act or what to say.

"I've got to go. I'll talk to you later, okay?" She sighed in a low voice, as she put her hand on my chest briefly, making my heart skip a beat. Then she turned and walked down the front steps toward her car without hesitation. I knew this move – I'd perfected it. She was running away.

"Okay, I'll call you," I said lamely as I walked out after her, scratching my head.

"Yeah, yeah. That sounds great. Bye." She scrambled to get into her car.

"Bye." I turned and walked back inside and shut the door. When it was closed, I banged my forehead on the inside in frustration.

"FUCK!" I said loudly.

"Do you mind telling me what the fuck that was all about?" Emmett yelled as he came toward me, arms crossed. I knew he'd noticed something was up, but I didn't feel like dealing with it right then.

"Not now," I said as I turned around, still leaning my head against the door. I couldn't even explain it to myself, let alone Emmett.

"You dickhead! Is it not enough to have the entire population of women in Seattle between the ages of 18 and 40 swooning over you? What? Were you feeling neglected? Couldn't you have found anyone else to keep your bed warm? Did you really have to fuck with Bella? She's a good fucking girl; she doesn't deserve your shit."

"I didn't do anything, Emmett. It's not what you think," I lied, avoiding eye contact.

What could I really tell him?

"Really? Do you think I was born yesterday? My room is right next to yours, asshole. I know what the fuck happened, and so do our neighbors." He looked pissed.

"Shit! Nothing happened." I had to lie to protect Bella, even if it was moot. It was one thing to laugh about my friends hearing Tanya and me, but Bella deserved some privacy and dignity, and it sucked to think others were privy to something so intimate between us.

"Don't give me that 'nothing happened' bullshit," he said in a scolding tone, pointing his finger at me. He was just protecting her, so I couldn't really fault him for that. I would have done the same thing if the tables were turned, except now I had no idea how to react. "Just tell me what happened, Edward. Don't fucking lie to me, either. Bella is like my sister, and I'll beat your ass if you hurt her."

"Alright. It started in New York," I said, resigned, as I slumped down on the couch. "We hooked up a few times while we were there, since we were spending so much time together and sharing a room and everything. We just got caught up in the moment, I guess."

Was that really the only reason we'd hooked up?

Emmett's stance didn't change, so I continued. "Anyway, we both thought we could come back here and just be friends like nothing happened, but it's turning out to be harder than we thought. I have no idea how Bella feels about it, though. This was the first time we've hooked up since we've been back, and as you can see, she's not really giving me much of a chance to talk to her."

"You should have known better." He crossed his arms.

"I know." I hung my head.

He was right; I should have known better.

"What do you want from her? I mean, just last week you had some skank bent over the back of our couch, and now you suddenly want Bella to take you seriously? What are you going to say to her? What do you want?"

"I don't know what the fuck I want!" I yelled at him. "I'm so fucking confused about all this shit. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, so please, for the love of Christ, leave me the fuck alone."

"No, I won't leave you alone. You made this my business when you decided to fuck with my friend. Bella is too good for your shit, so I hope you know what you're doing. If you fuck this up, you'll lose her, and she's one of the best things you've got."

"I know that, Emmett. Jesus Christ! I would never intentionally hurt Bella."

"Intentionally being the operative word here," he said with a bite. "You hurt every girl you meet."

I sighed. Fuck, it was true.

"I just need time to think about everything. I had no idea things were going to get this convoluted."

"Well, she didn't look too happy leaving just now. What are you going to do about it?"

"I just said I don't fucking know."

What was the point of this interrogation? I had no idea what the fuck was going on, so there was no way I could explain it to him.

"She's seen you with women – lots of them. Maybe she wanted to leave here before you had the chance to kick her out."

"I wouldn't have kicked her out."

"Does she know that?" he said sarcastically as he patted my shoulder walking past me toward the hall. "Whatever, Edward. You made your bed…"

I had a nagging feeling in my stomach. Could Bella have believed I'd have kicked her out like some cheap one-night stand? Had I made her feel like that?

Emmett was right about one thing - Bella had seen how I had been with other women. It had always been just about my physical needs and casual sex. There had never been a shortage of willing participants, so I'd never felt guilty before. I'd never offered more or expected more. But the guilt flooded me now.

_She must think I'm such an asshole._

My head hurt from thinking about the nightmare I'd created. This could all have been avoided if I'd have just kept it in my pants in New York. Even as I thought those words, I knew they were wrong. What happened between us wasn't a mistake. I wasn't sorry. I just wanted her to be okay with things. I needed her to be okay with things. She had looked so worried when she left. I didn't know what I was going to say to her. I couldn't let her think she meant the same to me as some cheap skank. I might not have had all the answers yet, but I did know Bella Swan was no one-night stand. Not for me. Not for anyone.

Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. I pulled out my phone in an attempt to calm the storm and started typing a text message.

_I hope you didn't leave because of me~E_

_Sorry to run out. Panicked~B_

_No need to panic. It'll all be OK~E_

_Hope so. Call me later~B_

_Will do~E_

At least she was talking to me, albeit not face-to-face. I had to find a way to make her understand she was different from the other women I'd been with. I was drawn to her in a way I'd never felt and had no idea how to navigate. About the only thing I did know at that point was she made me feel things I didn't even know were possible, and I had to have more.

I would have more.

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**A/N: Uh oh…Bella panicked. How's Edward gonna fix this? **

**I loved your theories last chapter! They were awesome. And in case you didn't guess, the significant thing last chapter was her staying. He NEVER lets girls stay. **

**I want to take a quick moment to thank my amazing readers. I've been in a bit of a fanfic funk lately, and you guys cheer me up and remind me that I do have an audience. That being said, if I haven't heard from you, please leave me a review. It's great to know you're out there reading. Plus, I reply with teasers!**

**Thanks to my Viola Cornuta, my beta, and my pre-readers Sunfeathers, Dana1779, and ellierk. I appreciate all the help so much!**

**Next up, we'll see why Bella freaked out…**


	12. Chapter 12 Jasper

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 12: Jasper**

**Bella**

I walked past Edward into the kitchen without a thought to retrieve my forgotten keys. Things had been good between us, almost back to normal, and aside from his jokes, we'd had a lot of fun tonight. So I was understandably concerned when he brought up Jake in such a serious tone of voice. Of course, I knew he'd never like anyone I dated. Nonetheless, I'd completely forgotten that I hadn't told Edward we'd broken up.

I was happy at first to have a chance to air my grievances with Edward. I was pissed off that he'd embarrassed me like he had at The Tavern with Jake. No matter what his opinion of Jake, he should have had more respect for me.

After he'd let me know, in no uncertain terms, his views on Jake, the conversation turned to New York. Apparently Edward had been thinking about it as much as I had, because his expression changed from one of concern and apology to lust and desire. I recognized the look immediately and began to panic.

I prayed for a miracle to stop this, because I knew I wasn't capable of doing it myself. It was one thing to be with him in New York, away from reality, but this…this was different.

The next thing I knew his hands were on my face, and he was kissing me. I wanted to resist him, but I couldn't. His lips made me melt. He was soft and sweet, and I finally caved in to the passion he ignited within me. He pulled me closer and wrapped my leg up around his hip.

It all happened so fast, and before I knew it, he was leading me down the hall to his bedroom.

I was in complete panic mode. On one hand, I knew this was a mistake. How was I any different than Late Night Tanya? Edward had never made any attempt to have a proper relationship with me, and the times that we'd been together were just like this - impulsive. It didn't mean anything to him, and I knew it.

But when he looked at me with lust in his eyes, I had no self-control or rational thought. Betraying my future self, I opted for immediate gratification. I'd deal with the ramifications later, as it was too late for me to stop what was happening. My body didn't want me to say no, despite what my head knew to be the right decision. The attraction between us was so strong I physically could not resist him. It was dangerous.

I let myself succumb to him. It was passionate and loving. It was better than in New York, which I didn't think was possible. For a brief moment, there were no complications. It was just us, together.

Afterward, I got up and went to the bathroom to clean up. Upon my return, Edward had collected himself and was lying in bed waiting for me. I was expecting awkwardness, but there was none. I was expecting dismissal, but there was none.

I hopped in bed, confused, and cuddled up against his hard body. He asked me to stay with him, and I foolishly agreed. Even though I knew he didn't typically let girls spend the night, I couldn't help but feel a little cheap. But as was the norm with him, the rational part of my brain that told me this was a mistake of epic proportion lost out to my heart, which wanted to stay firmly ensconced in his arms.

I woke up the next morning, and the rational side of me was back. We'd had our fun, but it was spiraling out of control. We weren't in New York, and such irrespnsible behavior had the potential to damage or destroy a great friendship. Panic officially set in, and I knew I had to get out of there. Edward was already in the shower, so I took the opportunity to gather my things.

I scrambled around looking for my clothes, which were in a state of utter disarray around his room. Briefly distracted by the memory of how wantonly those clothes had been shed, I got dressed, cursing myself for my complete lack of self-control. What had I been thinking staying here? This was where he fucked Late Night Tanya, not to mention those interchangeable hook-ups. This was reality, and it wasn't pretty.

I wondered to what lengths I would have to go to resist him. Would I have to stop shaving my legs and start wearing granny panties? Did I have no self-control whatsoever? What the hell was wrong with me?

_I'm so stupid for doing this, _I muttered out loud over and over as I finished getting dressed.

Yet as I prepared to leave, I had to admit last night had been incredible, even though it was completely unexpected. Edward made me feel loved and safe and beautiful. He was so unselfish with his touches, and his kisses made me melt. Our bodies reacted to each other's so strongly, and I had felt truly connected to him.

However, I struggled to reconcile the Edward from last night with the Edward I knew.

The Edward from last night made me feel as if I was the only woman on Earth.

The Edward I knew had more women than he knew what to do with.

The Edward from last night made me feel as if we were making love.

The Edward I knew mindlessly fucked women.

The Edward from last night made me feel desired and sexy.

The Edward I knew slapped me on the ass and played pool with me.

How could one person have such differing personalities? Although I'd never before been on the receiving end of Edward's advances, it was starting to click for me. I had known he had a way with women, but now I was beginning to see just how talented he really was. How else would he have women begging for him when he treated them so poorly? It had to be that he made each of them feel special and loved, just the way he'd made me feel.

Edward emerged from the bathroom, somewhat shocked to see me dressed and leaving. He tried to get me to stay and talk with him, but I couldn't deal with that conversation yet. I didn't even know how I felt about us, so how would I be able discuss it with Edward? And would it even matter how I felt? I knew what he wanted and how he thought.

We walked into the kitchen to get my stuff, and Emmett was there eating breakfast.

I was horrified as understanding came across Emmett's face. I tried to come up with an excuse, which only made me more desperate to leave. Emmett and Edward exchanged knowing glances, but all I could think about was getting the hell out of there.

Edward followed me to the door, and our eyes met as he held it open for me. He was obviously uncomfortable, probably not wanting to have to say anything. I could feel my throat closing up, the panic still surging through me. I felt the blush coming to my face as he leaned in to kiss me. I couldn't do it, not under the circumstances, so I turned my head at the last minute. Not only would it have reinforced what happened last night, but Emmett was in the other room, and I didn't want our friends to find out about us. It was likely Emmett already knew, but I didn't want to make the humiliation official.

Instead, I promised to call and practically ran to my car, the irony of doing the Walk of Shame not lost on me.

Shame was an appropriate emotion for me at that moment.

I hastily sped off in my car, stopping by my apartment on the way to work so I could shower and attempt to look somewhat professional. I grabbed the first outfit I found, not really caring what it looked like. I was completely distracted.

I arrived at my work late, but at least I made it in one piece. I had no idea how I was supposed to concentrate on work with everything running through my mind. The situation with Edward was stressing me out. For such a sensible person, I felt completely impulsive and stupid around him. It was like all my coherent thought just went out the window whenever I was with him. It infuriated me that he had such power over me.

However my mind wanted to skew it, the fact was, I had made the decision to be with him last night and in New York. It wasn't forced upon me. I wanted him in a way I couldn't even describe. Just the smell of him made me completely intoxicated. Our bodies fit so well together, and when we made love, I believed the lie. I believed it was special and that he truly wanted me. I felt adored, and it was amazing. But when my rational side returned, just as I had thought earlier, I knew the reason girls flocked to him by the dozens was because he also made THEM feel that way. The thought made me want to puke.

I was awakened from my Edward-induced daze as Jasper walked in and leaned up against the doorjamb.

"Last night was fun," Jasper said, smiling. "So you and another girl, huh?"

"What is it with men and two girls kissing? It's a universal thing. You guys lose all your sensibilities at the thought," I laughed, trying desperately to forget about Edward.

"It's totally sexy, and any guy who denies that is lying," he responded with a smirk. "That was a fun game. It's too bad Late Night Tanya didn't show up; she'd have been hammered by nine o'clock, and we could have had a good laugh. Last time, it was like our own personal porno. That girl's got some mileage on her."

I winced at the mention of Late Night Tanya, knowing full well what Edward was like in bed and not wanting to think of his hands touching her.

"Oh yeah, she's always good for a laugh." It sounded forced. I couldn't contain my disgust.

"You sound jealous," he said flatly. He could always cut to the chase.

I waved my hand in front of my face dismissively. "Jealous? Oh God, no."

Even I wasn't convinced.

Jasper came into my office and shut the door behind him, sitting in one of the chairs opposite my desk. "Alright, what's going on with you and Edward?"

I pulled myself together. I could do this. "Nothing's going on," I lied.

He cocked his eyebrow but said nothing. He knew I'd crack. I had to hold it together.

"Why would you think that?" I asked, fidgeting with the papers on my desk.

"You both have been acting strange lately. Just now, you looked hurt when I mentioned Late Night Tanya, and she's usually high on your list for pot shots."

Why did he have to be so goddamned observant?

"No, it wasn't about Tanya. I was just remembering how much I had to drink. I'm getting concerned about our high tolerance levels," I said, trying to use humor to change the subject.

He didn't take the bait. "Look, Bella. It's none of my business, and I won't pry, but please be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt, and that's exactly what will happen if you ever get involved with Edward. He's a great guy and one of my best friends, but I know you want something more than just a fling. I mean, just the other night he took some random girl Heidi home, and I don't want that to be you. Plus, you guys are such good friends. You don't want to lose that."

_Heidi, huh?_

"I know. I promise I do. I know how he is. Nothing is going on with us. We're just friends, and that's how it's going to stay," I said, hoping he didn't notice me wince at the mention of another girl being with Edward.

"I just want to see you happy. That's all," he replied. "Are you going to be around for lunch? I have to go to a meeting right now."

"Yeah, I'll be here. Just give me a call, and I'll meet you. See you later."

"Okay, talk to you later." He patted the doorjamb and walked away.

I knew there was no way he believed me; he knew me too well. Plus, I wasn't at all sure Emmett believed my lie about what I was doing at Edward's house this morning. It was only a matter of time before they figured it out.

I was such a fool last night. How could I have believed him? Hearing Edward had been with some random girl, after we'd had that amazing time in New York, made me furious. I couldn't believe he'd had the audacity to sleep with me again after he was with some stupid one-night stand. I felt sick. How had I been so gullible? Did I really think I was something different to him? I was the accessible choice. Late Night Tanya didn't show up, so he took the next best thing, and I fell right into his trap.

Just then, my phone buzzed.

_I hope you didn't leave because of me~E_

He was so daft. Of course I left because of him. What was he thinking?

_Sorry to run out. Panicked~B_

_No need to panic. It'll all be OK~E_

No need to panic? I was losing my mind, and he says there's no need to panic? Maybe HE had no reason to panic. He was the one who could turn on and off his emotions. It wasn't so easy for the rest of us. I was dreading talking to him or seeing him. Yet despite my embarrassment, I, once again, found myself just wanting things to go back to normal.

_Hope so. Call me later~B_

_Will do~E_

What would we say to each other when we talked? I didn't even know where to begin. I was as confused as I'd ever been.

_What does he want from me?_

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**A/N: So please tell me I'm not alone in my tricks to avoid going too far with a guy. Not shaving legs? Wearing grandma panties? I couldn't be trusted on my own. LOL. Am I the only one?**

**So now Bella knows about Heidi. How's that going to play out?**

**Thanks to my beta Viola Cornuta for the constant support. Also, much love to my pre-readers- ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers. **

**Next up, we'll see how Bella deals with her this information about Edward. **

**For a teaser, leave a review!**


	13. Chapter 13 Conflicted

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 13: Conflicted**

**Bella**

Tonight we all chose to hang out at Emmett and Edward's place. It had been over a week since Edward and I slept together, and I was doing the best I could to not think about it.

After finding out about Heidi, I was so hurt and confused, but I didn't know what to say about it. It wasn't like I could confront Edward. I had no claim to him. He had never said we were exclusive, so I didn't really have a leg to stand on. The only thing I could do was just try and get over it.

We'd talked superficially, but we hadn't seen each other much. Things weren't back to normal for us by any means, but we were both trying. We definitely hadn't talked like we used to, but I told myself that would just take time. I was glad to have all my friends around as a buffer between us.

Rosalie sat on Emmett's lap, which was endearing. They seemed really happy and were quite affectionate with each other. Alice and Jasper sat close together on the couch, making me painfully aware of being one of the two single people in the room. Despite that, the conversation in the room was flowing, and we were all enjoying ourselves.

"Jasper and I had the most amazing date the other night." Alice grabbed Jasper's hand. "We went out for a great dinner and then walked down by the water. It was so peaceful and beautiful. It was like something out of a movie."

"Sounds fun. I never knew you were so romantic, Jasper."

"Are you kidding? He's a total romantic," Alice replied, shaking her head as if it was common knowledge.

"He's just trying to get into your pants, Alice," Edward said sarcastically.

She shrugged. "Well, it worked. But seriously, haven't you ever had a night like that? Where you knew you'd always remember it?"

"My first date with Rosie was like that," Emmett chimed in confidently. "Not to toot my own horn, but I did a great job planning that date."

"Wasn't your first date to The Tavern? That's hardly romantic," Edward said, giving him shit.

Emmett looked annoyed. "Well, technically, yes. But our first real date was right after that. I knew I had to do something special to get Rosie to like me."

"Yeah, I'm surprised your stupid ass didn't blow it the first night," Edward joked.

"Just ignore him. You did do a great job, Em." Rosalie pinched his cheeks and kissed him. "You swept me off my feet."

"I've definitely had nights like that," I said, remembering. "The last night in New York was one of them. Edward surprised me and took me to a reggae bar, where we danced all night. We'd been sightseeing all day, and it was the perfect way to end the trip."

I didn't know why I brought up New York with Edward here. I just wanted him to know it was special to me.

I shot a quick glance at Edward, who smirked knowingly at me, obviously not revealing that we hadn't ended the night at the bar, although I was sure Emmett already knew. I felt the blush on my cheeks. I briefly wondered if Edward felt the same way I did about the nights we'd spent together. Did he think they were special, too?

What I hadn't admitted was that each time I had been with Edward was a night I would never forget. He had made me feel so incredibly special, but I just didn't know what to think. I was putting on a good front, but things with him were hard for me. I didn't know how to act and how to get over it. And I had been trying so hard to get over it. If I were being honest with myself, I'd been avoiding him. He'd texted a few times and asked me to lunch, but I told him I was too busy with work.

That didn't mean he wasn't on my mind. In truth, I hadn't stopped thinking about him, so pushing him away seemed like the only way I could try to get past things with us. I wished I could just be around him and not feel weird. It made me wish I had someone else to date to get Edward out of my head.

"What about you, Edward?" Alice asked, bringing my awareness back to the conversation. "Have you ever had a night like that?"

Edward looked nervous suddenly, running his fingers through his hair.

"I've had a few, actually," Edward said matter-of-factly. "The trip to New York was really fun. Bella and I had a great time. I guess if I had to pick one, I'd pick that."

Edward looked at me with a sexy gaze on his face, and I hoped no one else noticed. It was as if he was remembering every moment of our time together in New York. His eyes stayed fixed on mine for a few moments, and I was lost in them. He was so sexy.

Just then Emmett got up and walked toward the kitchen, and I snapped out of it.

"Hey Em, grab a beer for me, and get your ugly mug back in here," Edward yelled.

I loved their banter. They acted like they hated each other at times, but everyone knew how close they were.

"You guys are funny," I said to Emmett as he came back with their beers, wanting to escape from my previous train of thought. "Guys say the meanest things to each other. Just tonight, I've heard Edward call you ugly and stupid, and you told Jasper earlier that you hated his clothes. Girls do NOT say things like that to each other."

"I know, right?" Alice said, laughing. "Can you imagine if I called you ugly or fat or something? You'd hate me."

"Well, I _have_ been meaning to talk to you about the size of your ass," I joked.

"I know," she stood, smiling, and looked behind her at her ass. "It's getting out of hand."

"We don't mean it as an insult. It's just in fun," Jasper said, joining in.

"Still, how can you not be insulted? If any one of my friends told me I was ugly, or that they hated my clothes, I'd be completely hurt. It's just different for girls. Even if the person apologized, I'd still remember what was said," I responded.

"That's because women are high maintenance. You always have to worry about how they are feeling and reacting to things. I'll never understand what goes on in your heads." Emmett laughed, pointing at us girls.

"Well believe me, we don't understand you guys any more than you understand us," Rosalie said, earning a nod from Alice and me.

Changing the subject, Alice asked, "So what's been going on with you, Bella? I've hardly seen you since I've been with Jasper so much lately."

"Not much. I've just been working a lot," I replied truthfully. "I'm surprised Jasper hasn't told you about all the crap we've got going on at work."

"He does tell me some stuff, but work isn't everything, you know? Or have you forgotten since you broke things off with Jake? At least you have the house to yourself in case you want to bring someone home," Alice said lightly, elbowing me.

"Um, no. I'm not bringing anyone home," I said, looking down trying to avoid feeling awkward.

"I'm glad you broke up with Jake, but you need to date more. You've got to put yourself out there. You'll never meet someone if you're cooped up at home."

"I haven't had the best luck recently," I said, embarrassed.

All I could think about was finding a way to change the subject. Every ounce of blood I had was flowing to my brain, making my head pound with humiliation.

"Do you want me to set you up with someone?" Alice asked, excited at the prospect of playing matchmaker. "There's this guy I work with who's single. He's cute, and I think you'd like him. He just got out of a relationship a few months ago. You interested?"

"Sure, Alice, sounds great. I do need to get out more," I said quietly, hoping she would see my discomfort at discussing my dating life so openly and leave it alone.

Naturally, she didn't.

In my typical avoid-anything-tense fashion, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I didn't want to discuss my dating life anymore. It was bad enough I didn't have any prospects, but Edward was still plaguing me. I knew about that girl Heidi, and he'd probably been with even more girls since then. The thought was nauseating. I had known what I was getting myself into, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with.

I splashed water on my face and fixed my clothes in preparation to face everyone again. I hoped no one would see the anxiety all over my face and prayed they'd changed the subject.

I opened the door, and Edward stood right in front of me.

Looking up at him, I gasped. "Oh, sorry. You scared me."

He stepped forward and backed me against the wall with his hands on either side of my face, never taking his gaze from mine. My body betrayed me, and my nerves were on high alert with his proximity. I wanted to pull him toward me and feel his body against mine again. I couldn't help but want to touch him when he stood this close to me, which was why I'd been staying away from him. I was trapped now, though, and the magnetic pull between us was in full force.

"You've been avoiding me," he said, looking into my eyes intensely.

"No, I haven't, Edward. I don't know what you mean," I lied, looking away nervously.

"I've wanted to talk to you alone since last week, but you keep running away."

I shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "What do want me to say? I'm trying to make things normal again for us."

"And how's that working out for you? Are things normal now? We hardly talk." Edward's voice had a bite. But then his voice became softer. "I miss you, Bella, and I've hardly seen you."

"What do you want from me?" I asked bluntly. No time like the present to find out the truth.

"I want you to be honest with me."

"Okay. Honest about what?"

"Do you want Alice to set you up with some random guy?" he asked pointedly.

How could I tell him the only person I wanted to be with was him? How could I tell him how often he occupied my thoughts?

"I don't know. I guess so. It's better than being alone," I said uncomfortably.

His face grew even more intense than it already was, and he moved closer, his knee coming between my legs. "Is that what you really want?" His face was so close I could feel his breath. "Do you want some other guy's lips kissing you? Do you want his hands touching you? Do you think he'll make you feel like I do?"

His confidence was incredibly sexy. Those eyes, his mouth, the way he smelled…all of it was making me dizzy with desire.

_Snap out of it, Bella. Be strong._

"At least he might actually be there for me. At least he might want a real relationship with me. You? Not so much. I won't be Late Night Bella."

"You haven't given me much of a chance to be anything to you. You won't even talk to me."

While that may have been true, it was also true that he hadn't exactly been holed up in his house pining away for me. I grew angry at the thought.

"Really? You're such a hypocrite, Edward." I pushed back on his chest to free myself from the prison his arms had created. Looking into his eyes, I let him have it. "You act like I'm the one who's blowing you off, when it's actually the other way around. What about when you were screwing Heidi? Were you thinking of me then? I'm sure I was a major concern to you at that point in time."

The pained look on his face confirmed what I already knew; he didn't know I knew about Heidi. He thought he'd pulled it off. I wondered what else had gone on that I didn't know about. He looked guilty as he ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

"Bella, I can explain," he said, defeated.

"You can explain?" I said defensively, crossing my arms and cocking my hip. "Well, go ahead. This I've got to hear. Tell me how you could be with me and pretend like it meant something to you, only to fuck the first girl that came along after that."

"Bella, please don't do this." His voice sounded pained.

I shook my head. "Don't put this on me. I'm not the one who fucks anything that walks. At least I'm honest with you."

"You want honesty? Okay, I'll be honest. Heidi meant nothing to me. I promise. I was…it's just that…I was jealous, okay? You left with Jake, and I was jealous," he said, not looking at me.

"Jealous? That's bullshit. Edward Cullen doesn't get jealous," I spat at him.

"I _was_ jealous. It was the first time I'd seen you since we got back from New York, and I was so excited to be with you. But then Jake showed up, and he had his arm around you. I couldn't even touch you. You looked happy to see him, and you guys were flirting. It made me a little crazy."

"So, in your supposed jealous rage, you decided to take some random girl home and screw her? Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, it's not," he said softly, shifting closer to me again. "I wish I could take it back, but I can't."

"I don't understand you, Edward. Why would you be jealous of Jake? It's like you don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me, either. It's not fair." I lowered my head, shaking it in frustration.

He grabbed my chin and lifted my face to meet his emotion-filled eyes. I'd never seen him look so vulnerable.

"Bella, that's not true. I…" Edward said as the doorbell interrupted him. He turned to look over his shoulder and sighed.

He knew who was at the door. He knew I knew who was at the door. And he looked panicked. I escaped from his arms and walked angrily down the hallway just as Emmett answered it.

Late Fucking Night Tanya.

She stood there in the foyer in a tight dress, flashing her nasty smile at Edward, while everyone else rolled their eyes.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me. He's such a lying bastard._

I shook my head and tried to hold back the tears. "I think I've seen and heard enough for the night, don't you, Edward?"

Without another word, I walked over to the rest of the gang in the living room. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in the back of my head as he watched me say goodnight to our friends.

I tried to hold it together. "I'm taking off, guys. I've got a lot to do tomorrow, and I need to get some sleep," I announced to everyone in the room, barely able to keep my calm as I hastily grabbed my purse.

I needed to get the hell out of there before I lost it. My friends probably thought I was crazy. One minute I was fine, and the next minute I was barely keeping it together. I could feel my body temperature rise as the anger flooded within me. I felt betrayed. The traitor tears began to well up in my eyes, and I was almost running toward the door to avoid causing a scene in the house.

"Bella, please don't leave," Edward said as I walked by him on my way out, his eyes fixated on me.

What did he expect me to do? Stay and watch him with Tanya?

"It's a little crowded here, don't you think?" I couldn't look at him as I spoke.

He reached out to grab my arm, but I avoided his contact.

"Sorry, I have to go. You guys have a _great_ time, though," I said bitterly, closing the door behind me.

As soon as it was shut, I exhaled sharply, realizing I hadn't taken a breath since I'd seen her. The tears in my eyes flowed onto my cheeks. I was so gullible. The conversation in the hallway sounded so genuine, and I wanted to believe him so badly. How could I have been such a fool? It took Late Night Tanya showing up to snap me back into reality. He was a player. That was what he did. And he did it well.

Every time I allowed myself to get closer to him, closer to understanding him, something got in the way. I was trying like hell to get over him, but it wasn't working. Every time I saw him, I cared more, not less. Why couldn't I move on?

I wanted desperately to go back inside and just talk to him like we always had and figure everything out, but I couldn't. _She_ was there. She would be the one who talked to him tonight. She would be the one who lay with him and held him in her arms. She would be the object of his affection. I couldn't help but be jealous, and I felt like screaming.

Jealous of Late Night Tanya? Fucking crazy.

I wanted to be the one to stay with him and wake up with him, but he had replaced me with the nastiest person I knew. She was what he wanted, not me. He could put on a good show and deny it all he wanted, but his actions betrayed him. He'd forgotten how well I knew him. He couldn't lie to me the way he lied to other girls.

I never intended for things to get this fucked up.

I just wanted to feel happy again, and I had no idea how to achieve that. My worst fears were being realized. It was always a risk for us, but I guess I had thought we were strong enough to overcome anything. Instead, I'd lost the friend I had in Edward and didn't have anything to show for it. Our friendship was almost non-existent at this point except to be cordial in front of our friends.

I drove home feeling completely lost. On one hand, Edward was acting like he wanted more than just friendship with me. When we had spent the night together, I felt so cherished. But then, he was still with other women, which hurt like hell. I didn't want any part of that.

I had no idea where I fit into the whole mess.

* * *

**A/N: Well that didn't go as planned, did it? Edward's trying, but his past isn't helping. **

**Thanks so much for reading! I'm loving your theories. I swear I have the best readers ever! You guys make this fun for me. **

**Thanks, as always, to my peeps! I'm lucky to have such a great team!**

**Next up, we'll see what happened after Bella left. **


	14. Chapter 14 Determined

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 14: Determined**

**Edward**

My body tightened when Alice mentioned setting Bella up with someone she worked with. I wanted to jump up and pull Bella out of the room right then just to avoid the whole conversation. I didn't want to think about her being with anyone else, and the jealousy raged within me. I knew I didn't have any claim on Bella, but I hoped she could see there was something special about us.

I'd been trying to get her to talk to me, but she was avoiding being alone with me, which was incredibly frustrating. I wasn't used to being brushed off, and things with Bella were always so easy that I didn't know how to handle her ignoring me. I had to get her alone so I could find out how she was feeling about things.

When Alice asked us about having nights that were unforgettable, I couldn't deny my time in New York with Bella had been like that for me. I had no idea she felt the same way until she admitted it to Alice. It made me fucking ecstatic to think our last night in New York had meant as much to her as it had to me. I wondered if it really was about the sightseeing and the reggae bar, or if she was referring to what happened afterward. I chose to believe it was about the connection we shared.

Naturally, our admission earned me a glare from Emmett. He was still not happy with me for starting anything with Bella and wasn't afraid to let me know it. Couldn't he see I was trying to do right by her?

Bella got up to go to the bathroom, and I followed her, knowing I wouldn't get another chance to get her alone. Emmett's glare as I walked away served as a warning to me not to screw up. As I leaned against the wall in the hallway, waiting for Bella to come out, I was suddenly very nervous. I put my hands in my pockets and tapped my foot against the wall. I didn't know what to expect.

She opened the door and gasped when she saw me. My emotions overcame me, and I needed to be close to her. Backing her up against the wall, I wanted to make sure she couldn't run away from me again. I wanted her to feel the chemistry between us.

She was so beautiful, and I wanted desperately to lean in and kiss her, but I stopped myself. That wouldn't help anything right now.

She denied it when I confronted her about avoiding me, although I knew her well enough to know she'd been doing exactly that. She explained that she was just trying to get things back to normal between us, but things had been anything but normal.

Why wouldn't she at least talk to me? I was so frustrated at being denied and ignored.

I had been thinking constantly about Bella. We used to go out to lunch or play pool all the time. It was rare that I went a day without seeing her, but since we'd been back from New York, I'd hardly seen her.

Everything happened so fast after that. When she confronted me about Heidi, I was humiliated. I didn't know how she knew about it, but I could only imagine how it looked to her. Of course, she'd have no way of knowing I had fantasized about her the entire time. She'd have no way of knowing that it was her body I craved, not Heidi's. She'd have no way of knowing how much the memories of us together affected me. She'd only see that I'd slept with another woman both before and after I'd been with her. She'd never forgive me.

I tried to explain that Heidi had meant nothing to me; that it was just some stupid reaction to seeing her with Jake. Even as I said the words, I realized how ridiculous they sounded. I hated admitting to her that I was jealous. I felt weak. And the whole Heidi thing made me feel even weaker, like I couldn't even control myself.

I wasn't used to being so vulnerable. I wanted her to know I felt more than just friendship, but I was scared she wouldn't reciprocate my feelings.

Thinking back to that night at The Tavern made all the same feelings resurface. Watching Bella leave with Jake had made my stomach turn. I had wanted to run and stop her, but I knew I couldn't. I had convinced myself an easy pickup would make that pain go away. Not only was I unable to enjoy my usual physical release, but Heidi just made it worse.

I wished I could deny bringing Heidi home. I wished it wasn't true, so I could be the man Bella deserved. She didn't understand why I would be jealous of Jake. He had what I sought. And the unfortunate part was she actually believed I hadn't wanted her.

It all went even further to shit when the doorbell rang.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Only one person rang the doorbell at this time of night. I hoped I was wrong, but I knew I wasn't. More importantly, Bella knew I wasn't.

Late Night Tanya stood in my foyer looking smug and stupid, waiting for me to take her into my room. I hadn't invited her here, but I doubted it mattered.

I wanted to straighten things out with Bella, but I had to get rid of Tanya first.

So I let Bella leave, despite wanting to run after her and fix things between us.

I walked Tanya back into my room, while my friends glared at me, especially Emmett and Jasper. Tanya wasn't the most discriminating person, but I doubted even she would want to have this conversation in front of my friends.

"Hi baby," she said as she threw her arms around my neck. She really was clueless.

I didn't want her touching me. It felt completely wrong.

"No. Stop," I said firmly, unraveling her arms. "Look Tanya, I know we've had a lot of fun together, but it has to stop. It isn't right."

"I like you. What's wrong?" she asked timidly, growing concerned at my lack of affection.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't want this anymore. I want more than this." I was finally able to verbalize what had been bugging me for weeks.

"Oh, Edward, so do I. I'm so glad you finally realized how good we are together. I'm so happy," she said, throwing her arms back around my neck.

She obviously misunderstood what I was trying to say, so I pulled her arms off my neck once again and looked her directly in the eyes.

"No, it's not what you think. I'm sorry, Tanya. It's not going to work. I can't do this anymore. There's someone else."

I hoped that was still the case.

"Oh, you mean her," she said, pointing in the direction of the front door.

"Yeah, her," I said, lowering my eyes. "I'm sorry."

I wasn't sorry. I just wanted her to leave.

"Why her? You know she's going not going to be enough for you, and when you figure that out, don't come crawling back to me," she said bitterly, opening the door to my room.

I walked Tanya to the door, and we said brief goodbyes. She was cold and bitchy, but I didn't expect much else. She'd foolishly thought there was more between us than there was. I felt relieved it was over.

When I closed the door, I turned to face my friends, who were glaring at me with death looks.

"Edward, you're such a fuck up," Emmett started in on me.

"Jesus Christ, Emmett. Don't sugar coat it, tell me how you really feel," I replied, feeling attacked.

"What the fuck's going on with you and Bella?" Jasper asked, obviously annoyed at being out of the loop.

"Edward didn't have enough girls after him, so he decided that he needed to throw Bella into the mix. They've been hooking up," Emmett explained.

"Not that it's any of your business," I spat back at Emmett.

Emmett put his hands up in surrender. "You're right. It's not my business. I just don't want to see either one of you hurt. And in this scenario, Bella seems the most likely to end up that way."

"I thought that's what was happening. She was all fucked up at work the other day but denied anything was going on," Jasper said.

I wondered what he meant about Bella being fucked up at work, but before I could ask, Alice chimed in.

"Well, that explains why she left almost in tears just now."

"She was in tears?" I asked Alice, as she and Jasper grabbed their stuff. "Fuck, I didn't notice that."

Bella was crying? Over me?

I ran my hands through hair, shaking my head and thinking of how badly this night had gone.

Alice put her hands on her hips. "What did you think? That you could just fuck around with her like you do with all your other hookups?"

"Don't you start on me, too, Alice. I didn't mean for this to happen," I said defensively. "You guys are supposed to be my friends too, you know?"

She cast me a sympathetic look. "We are your friends. Of course, we are. But this was bad. You know, for such a smart guy, you can be awfully stupid sometimes. Late Night Tanya? Really, Edward? How did you think she was going to react?"

"I didn't invite Tanya here!"

"The important question is what are you going to do now?" Jasper asked.

I leaned against the wall and let my head fall back. "I don't know. Bella won't even talk to me. I have no idea what she thinks, but obviously Late Night Tanya showing up didn't help things."

"Well, no shit," Alice snapped. "Late Night Tanya is fucking disgusting. Yuck. So, how long has this thing with you and Bella been going on?"

"Since New York. We haven't talked about it much, though."

"What? Since New York? Edward, what are you doing? Bella's not going to sit on the sidelines while you fuck around with other girls, not that I blame her. I should kill you for hurting her," Alice threatened, pointing her index finger at me.

"Ease up on me, you guys; I don't want to hurt her, either. This has been really confusing for me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Neither one of us did; it just sort of happened. I really like her, but she obviously doesn't feel the same way about me."

Jasper chimed in. "Don't be dense. If she didn't care, she sure as hell wouldn't have been in tears. I'm sure she's just confused by all this. It's not an easy situation, especially given your history. But don't second-guess how she's feeling. That'll backfire on you."

"The point is, no matter how much you wish things were different, you've got to deal with reality," Alice said.

What did she think I was trying to do?

"You don't understand; things are different with Bella. I want to be with her like I've never wanted anyone else before. It's hard for me to be around her because I feel like I'm going crazy, especially when she ignores me. She's all I've been able to think about, and she won't even talk to me." The reality of the situation hurt.

My friends looked at me as if I'd just admitted to believing in Santa Claus, the shock registering on their faces.

"Just be honest with her. If you really do have feelings for her, which is fucking shocking coming from you, you need to talk to her and tell her how you're feeling," Jasper added, trying to be helpful, despite the well-placed insult.

"I know. I need to explain everything. I'm sure she thinks I'm a complete asshole."

"Well yeah, you haven't exactly made the best decisions lately when it comes to dating. You seem to have feelings for a lot of girls, and Bella's well aware of that fact. Actions speak louder than words, you know?" Alice said, putting her hand on my shoulder as she and Jasper walked out.

I realized my actions had been telling Bella I didn't care about her.

"You'll figure it out. But do it soon or things will just get worse," Emmett said, leading Rosalie down the hallway.

"Yeah, I'll figure it out. Goodnight, Emmett. Goodnight, Rose," I said, not wanting to discuss it anymore.

"Goodnight," Emmett said.

I walked back into my room and plunked down on the bed. My bed was too big for just me. It felt cold and isolating. It needed someone else here. Not just anyone else. It needed Bella here. I needed Bella here. She made my bed warm and comfortable. She made me warm and comfortable. Remembering all we had done in my bed and how she looked laying on my pillow, made me suddenly feel very alone. She belonged with me.

The realization of the depth of my feelings for Bella hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to tell her how I felt. For the first time in my life, there was no question in my mind about it.

I was in love with Bella Swan.

Even though I had no idea if she would reciprocate, I had to tell her.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so this is a big revelation! The cat's out of the bag now and LNT is history. Now he just needs to put his plan into action. Next up, we'll see how Bella's doing after the whole LNT debacle. **

**If you want a teaser, shoot me a review. I love your reviews! I read and respond to every one. (Maplestyle, bless your heart, you probably hated this whole chapter, huh?)**

**The best compliment you can give me if you're enjoying the story is to rec it to your friends or on blogs. It's so hard to get the word out, so every little bit helps. If you see WHN rec'd somewhere, please let me know so I know who to thank. **

**Also, I'm on Twilighted if you ever want to chat about WHN. I'm just throwing that out there. To my knowledge, there's no thread started, but if you want to ask me questions, I do check in over there. Or you can do it in a PM. I love the theories and questions I've gotten so far. **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, for making this readable, and to Sunfeathers, Dana1779, and ellierk for pre-reading. **


	15. Chapter 15 Girls' Night Out

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 15: Girl's Night Out**

**Bella**

Last night, I had practically run out of Edward's house after Late Night Tanya showed up. Edward had asked me to stay while I was on my way out, but why? So I could witness him with Tanya? Why was he rubbing my attraction for him in my face? Did he want me to be part of some twisted game? Did he really need his ego stroked that much?

After I left his house, I drove around for a little while, hoping to clear my head. What would have happened if Late Night Tanya hadn't shown up? I realized I would have slept with him again if he had wanted it to get that far. I was sure of that since I had no willpower to resist him. He was so fucking sexy and irresistible. I was helpless, at least until I was snapped back into reality.

Of course, like any straight female, I always knew Edward was insanely attractive, but I really just wanted to go back to seeing him as nothing more than a friend. It would be so much easier if I could just move on. We'd always had so much fun together. I used to be able to be completely myself with Edward and could talk to him about anything.

In turn, he had confided in me countless times that he wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone. He worked, he studied, he hung out with friends, and he fucked random women. He'd been honest from the beginning.

I hardly slept at all the entire night, and my eyes stung from crying. I was so hurt, and yet he'd never made me any promises. I had no claim on him. I swung my legs over the bed and wandered out to the kitchen where Alice and Jasper were sitting having coffee.

I prayed they wouldn't bring it up, but I knew it was just wishful thinking. They knew me as well as anyone, and after Jasper's warning about Edward, I knew he was on to me. My abrupt departure last night no doubt sealed his suspicions.

"Morning, Bella," Jasper said, sipping his coffee.

"Hey guys." I stumbled over to the cupboards to pour myself some cereal.

"Morning, gorgeous. You look like you were in a fight," Alice said, checking me out.

"Thanks a lot, Alice. I didn't sleep well at all."

She made a face. "That much is obvious."

I tried to think of some witty retort, but I just didn't have it in me.

"Anything you want to tell us, Bella?" Jasper asked, tapping the table.

"Honestly?" I asked, shaking my head. "Not right now."

He nodded, but I knew I'd only earned a temporary break from this topic. It was far from over.

Thankfully, Alice saved me. "Hey, I was thinking, why don't we do a girls' night out tonight? It'll be fun; I'll invite Rose, too."

The thought of a girls' night out sounded refreshing to me. I was tired of thinking about all the bullshit with Edward. I could use a fun night out with the girls to get away from it all.

"That sounds great, Alice," I said, with as much enthusiasm as I could muster so early in the morning and under the circumstances.

"Perfect! I'll call Rosalie. Let's go to Tsunami. I know the bouncer there, and they play great music. You can finally wear some of those hot outfits you got when we went shopping a couple of weeks ago." Alice's enthusiasm was contagious.

I smiled in appreciation. It was nice of Alice to want to take my mind off things. It was just what I needed.

"Sure, whatever you want is fine with me," I conceded.

By the time we were getting ready to go out, I was surprisingly excited at the prospect of feeling human again. I felt like I'd been a zombie since the whole Edward/Tanya debacle, and I needed a break. I missed the formerly fun version of myself.

I put on a new blue dress that fit me like a glove. I had to admit when I put effort into it, I could look pretty good. It was actually fun getting dressed up and made me feel normal again for the first time since the start of this whole mess.

Rosalie knocked on our door, and I hobbled to the door in the ridiculous heels Alice picked out for me wear. When Rose sauntered in, I felt instantly frumpy. She was the type who could wear overalls and make them look like haute couture. She had on a tight, black strapless dress that accentuated her curves and a pair of the highest red heels I'd ever seen. I could never pull that off, but on her it seemed effortless.

Alice finally emerged from the bathroom in a red dress with a full skirt that fell to her knees and a black belt. She looked gorgeous. Overall, I'd say the three of us looked pretty damned good.

We got to the club, and Alice ran up to the front of the line to find her bouncer friend. She waved Rosalie and me over, and we got right in.

The club was huge, with a dance floor in the middle and multiple levels that overlooked it. The bar was long and lined the dance floor. By the time we got there, the place was already packed, so we waited to get served. We finally managed to squeeze up to the bar, grabbed a few drinks and headed to a table upstairs.

"So, Bella, I gave you a break this morning because you looked like death walking. But now it's time to talk. Do you have anything you'd like to tell us?" Alice asked suspiciously as soon as we sat down.

"Not really." I knew I was being baited. She obviously knew what was going on but had been kind enough not to bring it up yet.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I'm your best friend, and you've been holding out on me," Alice yelled, slamming her fists onto the table.

"Okay, if you won't come out with it, I'll be blunt. What's going on with you and Edward?" Rosalie set her drink on the table and focused her attention on me. "And more importantly, how is he in bed? I bet he's fantastic!"

"Oh God, Rosalie, I'm not going to answer that. Besides, how did you even know?" I groaned.

Obviously Edward and I hadn't been as covert about things as we'd hoped. I hated that our friends were involved, especially since we had decided not to tell them. I didn't want to put anyone in a bad position.

"Be nice, Rose. We'll get to that in a minute," Alice said, looking at me with a smirk. "Last night after you left, Edward also told us you guys have been hooking up."

"I'm sorry he got you involved in our mess," I apologized. "It's not fair to you guys."

Alice reached across the table and put her hand on mine. "We don't care about that. I just want to know you're okay. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on," I lied, shifting in my seat. "We hooked up in New York. It's not going to happen again. Things have been a little weird for us, but it'll get back to normal."

"Is that why you left in tears?" Alice raised an eyebrow at me.

I winced. I had hoped I pulled it off, but obviously I hadn't. If Alice noticed that meant Edward would have noticed.

Fuck.

I was so confused. On one hand, the times Edward and I were together were amazing, and I wanted to believe there was more than just a physical thing between us. It all felt so real. But then, when we got back from New York and I found out about Heidi, my eyes were opened. Plus, there was Late Night Tanya. Yuck.

A leopard didn't change its spots. Especially if his name was Edward Cullen.

The truth hurt to admit. I'd been thinking about it since we got back from New York. There was no way I was going to escape this situation without getting hurt. I'd been hurting almost the entire time I'd been back, except the few moments I allowed myself to let go and be with him. It was impossible for me to be around Edward and not want to touch him, and yet giving in to him meant I had to accept being one of his girls, and I couldn't do that. And obviously I had a hard time seeing him with someone else.

"Umm-hmm. New York, you say? I'd say it was more than just New York," Rosalie said in her typical in-your-face fashion.

Of course she knew. Emmett must have told her.

She continued, "Let's just say Emmett's room is closer to Edward's than you might think."

I wanted to die. They'd heard us? Now my humiliation was complete.

Rose didn't let up. "If what you say is true, though, and nothing's going on, then why were you crying when you left? You looked like someone who'd been through the emotional ringer."

I wanted to come clean, but I couldn't. It was too embarrassing to admit that I'd been suckered into being one of Edward's hookups. "Late Night Tanya just made me uncomfortable. That's all."

Then she started back in. "Bella, you know much I've come to I love you, but I don't think that's it. I don't know what you said or did to him, but he told Tanya to leave right after you left. From what I've heard, that was a first for him."

"I'm sure he was just trying to save face."

Rose shook her head. "No, he seemed genuinely upset."

"I told you it was nothing." I really didn't want to talk about it anymore. Tonight was supposed to be about forgetting, not reliving.

Alice chimed in. "Look, I can totally understand why you guys got together. I've thought for a while you would be great together if Edward could just get his head out of his ass and stop being such a womanizer. But he hasn't. I mean, you know I love him; it's just I don't know if I love him _for you_."

"I know you guys are trying to help, and I love you for that, but I've got it under control. I know Edward better than anyone, and I know how he works. I just need to move on so things will get back to normal with us. I'm not interested in getting hurt, and unfortunately, I think that's all that Edward brings to the table at this point. He's got too many other girls, and I won't be one of them."

Rosalie shrugged. "I think you guys would be cute together."

"I'm not going to lecture you, but just be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt," Alice said sweetly.

"Look, it's a done deal. I promise." I was there to have fun and get my mind off Edward. "Let's go dance."

Grudgingly, they gave up, and we headed out onto the dance floor. Of course, all eyes were on Rosalie as she danced. I didn't care. I was just happy to be away from the Spanish Inquisition about Edward. A new song started, and my hips swayed to the beat.

A group of really hot guys came up and starting dancing with us. They all flocked to Rosalie but eventually seemed okay to settle for dancing with her friends. One of them came up behind me and started to dance with me. He got really close and was grinding against me. I felt a little uncomfortable, but Rose and Alice were having fun, so I went with it. I instantly started thinking about dancing with Edward in New York but managed to snap myself back to the present.

The girls and I formed a circle, and the guys were behind us. Alice was her typical bundle of energy, shaking her ass with her arms overhead. Rosalie could have been a mannequin and guys would have flocked to her. Normally I was a total klutz, but the stars were aligned, and I actually felt somewhat coordinated. I was having a lot of fun, and I was glad they talked me into going.

My eyes were scanning the club when I saw him.

Edward.

What the fuck was Edward doing here?

Before all this, I would have been happy to see him but not tonight; not when I was trying to get him out of my system.

He was across the bar, getting a drink. Just then a woman came up and starting talking to him. He smiled at her, gave her a hug, and they continued to talk.

The bastard. Couldn't I have one night of peace?

I ground my ass into the guy I was dancing with as I stared in shock at Edward.

He was smooth; I'd give him that.

The girl he was talking to left to go up to the bar, and his eyes began scanning the dance floor as if he was looking for someone. Just then, he saw me, and his eyes narrowed. He looked angry. He started stalking toward me like a lion, making his way through the crowd on the dance floor.

_Oh Shit! I can't do this._

Instinctively, I grabbed the guy I was dancing with and made a quick exit off the dance floor toward the bathrooms. He seemed thrilled with the idea and obviously thought I was flirting with him.

I felt my hand jerk to a stop as I turned around to see Edward grabbing the guy's arm.

"Hey asshole, get your fucking hands off my girlfriend," Edward spat.

The guy raised his hands in surrender. "Hey man, I didn't know. No need to get so fucking pissed," he replied, looking at me. "I'm out of here. Thanks for the dance."

_What the fuck is Edward doing?_

"Girlfriend, Edward?" I said, annoyed. "I'm NOT your fucking girlfriend."

With that he backed me up against the nearest wall and leaned against me so I couldn't move.

"Bella, this shit between us is driving me crazy. Is that guy what you want?" he growled.

I felt his breath on my face. He paused briefly, and then leaned in, kissing me softly but with emotion. I felt a familiar heat coursing through me.

_Oh God, he smells so good. His lips are perfect._

He pulled back slightly, and I just sat there, stunned by the feel of him against me. My traitorous body definitely reacted to his close proximity.

"I know you feel something for me. Why won't you just admit it?" Edward asked. His voice was heavy with implication.

I'd never seen Edward like that. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend. He looked angry and hurt. What did he want from me anyway - to confess my undying love for him only to be completely denied?

He must have forgotten how well I knew him. It was all about the chase for Edward. He could have any girl he wanted, and I wasn't biting so easily. As soon as the chase was over, he'd get bored and move on. So, even though I believed he was jealous in his own way, I also knew even if I gave in and started dating him, he'd move on just like he always did.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to squeak out, pushing him back so I could look at him.

"I've been trying to talk to you."

"Listen to me. This thing with us has to stop. I can't do it anymore. Yes, we had a lot of fun in New York, and maybe it was hard for us to adjust when we came back, but we have to adjust. I know you too well. And I've told you I want us to stay friends."

My voice was shaking, and I felt like I was going to start crying again. Why did this have to be so hard?

"Bella, I need to explain what happened last night," Edward pleaded.

"No Edward, you don't. I don't want to hear it. Things should never have gotten this far with us. It's over. Whatever it was, it's done. Plus, it's putting our friends in a horrible position. Speaking of which, I can't believe you told them about us when we specifically said we weren't going to say anything."

Normally I was levelheaded but not where Edward was concerned lately. I was starting to let my anger and nerves get the better of me.

"They were there last night when you left, and they were concerned. What was I supposed to do? Besides, Emmett and Rosalie already knew. They…uh…heard us when you stayed the night," he said, looking embarrassed.

"I know. Rose clued me in. You know what? I don't care. All I want is for us to get back to the way we were before we went to New York. We're friends. That's it. Things got convoluted, but that's all we ever were," I said, looking directly at his intense stare.

"That's not all we are, Bella. You know that." His softness returned, and he brought his hand to my neck.

_Don't fall for it, Bella._

I pushed his hand away, and he put it back on the wall next to my head. I knew he probably believed his feelings for me were real, but it was all par for the course with him. He'd want me only until I started to truly care for him, and then he'd be on to the next victim.

"Please stop. I need you to please respect me and do as I ask. I don't want you to make any more advances toward me. It's bad enough that I have to see all your conquests everyday. I won't be one of your girls, and all this drama is making me miserable," I pleaded, hoping he'd finally understand.

"Bella, please let me explain. Please stop running away from this. You have to give me a chance." He looked desperate.

"No. There's nothing to talk about," I said, trying to be as civil as I possibly could under the circumstances. "I think you should go back to the girl you were flirting with at the bar."

With that, I weaseled out from his arms and turned to leave. I glanced behind me to see him standing there with his arms still against the wall and his head down. I stopped off at the dance floor to grab Alice and Rose.

"I'm leaving," I said, trying to yell over the music.

"What the fuck was that about?" Alice yelled back.

"I'll explain later. Right now, I'd just really like to go home." My eyes darted around the room impatiently.

"Sure, we'll just get our stuff," Alice said, motioning to Rosalie.

We made our way out of the club and to the car. Thankfully, they didn't ask me anything about my encounter with Edward. I didn't know if I had it in me to discuss it again.

I wasn't going to let this tear me apart. Nor was I going to let this tear my group of friends apart. I could only hope Edward would respect me enough to let it go.

Alice was especially quiet on the way home. I was expecting the full interrogation to start any time, but she didn't say a word. She just texted on her phone, presumably with Jasper, and let me stew in my own juices. We dropped Rosalie off at her car and headed to our place.

When we got inside, we put our purses down on the foyer table and walked toward our respective rooms.

"Bella?" Alice asked, turning toward me.

"Yeah?"

"He came there for you tonight. Jasper texted me and told me Edward left when he found out where you were. He told the guys he was going home. He's trying. I've never seen Edward like this," Alice admitted.

"You know, I still care about Edward, but I'm so sick of the tension with him. I'm an easy-going person, and all this drama is too much for me. He needs to just move past this. We both do. Edward can have whomever he wants. I don't care. I just want to forget about it all," I said, exhausted from the evening's events.

"I understand. I just thought you'd want to know," she said as she opened the door to her room.

"Thanks, Alice. Overall, it was really fun before Edward showed up. Thanks for wanting to cheer me up." I instantly felt guilty for feeling so down on Edward and ruining their night.

"Yeah, no problem. Goodnight," she said.

"Goodnight."

In spite of the long night I'd had, I was restless.

I wanted to believe Alice that Edward was different. I wanted to believe he wanted me and no one else. I was surprised he hadn't done anything with Tanya, but I also knew how Edward really was with women. I couldn't be a part of it. It was a game to Edward, and I couldn't risk it – not with my heart at stake.

Most of all I regretted I had let this come between us. I was worried I had ruined what we had by giving in to my attraction. Seeing Edward with other women had never bothered me. I had never judged him. I respected him as a person. I wanted those feelings back. Not all of this other nonsense that was clouding my judgment.

As much as I wanted him and loved his personality, he just wasn't boyfriend material.

One part of me wanted him with every breath I took, but the practical part of me knew he'd only cause me heartache.

It had to be this way.

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**A/N: So, I'm totally loving your comments. Half of you think Bella is blowing it and not letting Edward explain, and the other half thinks she should make him work for it! Lots of gray area – just like real life. **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, and my pre-readers – ellierk, Sunfeathers, and Dana1779. You guys rock!**

**Next up, we'll see how Edward handles the bar scene and what he does about it. **

**Reviews are better than Edward getting jealous because you're dancing with someone else. Leave one!**


	16. Chapter 16 Jealous

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 16: Jealous**

**Edward**

I had spent the entire night tossing and turning in my bed after the whole Tanya thing and the subsequent discussion with my friends. I wanted to call Bella and explain things, but I knew it would only make things worse. I woke up feeling much the same way as I had felt the night before – confused. I knew we'd probably all go out as a group later that night, which was great because I'd have a chance to explain myself.

Everything with Bella was so fucked up. She wouldn't even give me a chance to make things right, and I wasn't used to being so rejected.

My mind drifted again to our time in New York. I thought about how beautiful she looked dancing with me, and then later beneath me in my bed. Her luminous, soft skin glowed, and she shivered under my touch. The way she smelled and tasted assaulted my mind. How could things be so natural between Bella and me when we were there, and so different here?

I had to find a way to make her understand how I felt. I'd never loved anyone like this before, and I didn't know how to react. I felt like I could be myself with her. I'd never even had a real girlfriend, let alone one I was in love with, but I was no longer afraid of it.

I wandered out into the kitchen, made some coffee, and walked into the living room where Emmett and Rosalie were watching TV.

"Hey guys, what are you watching? I asked, trying to make myself sound peppy.

"Some stupid reality show Rose made me DVR last night," Emmett chimed in. He rubbed his bicep from the subsequent punch Rosalie gave him.

"Ouch, babe! Did you talk to Bella yet?"

"No, I'm going to try and talk to her tonight," I said, scratching my head.

He turned to face me. "Have you figured out what you're going to say?"

"No idea. She thinks I'm an asshole, so I've got my work cut out for me."

"Yeah, you're gonna have to work for it," Emmett said, nodding in agreement.

"Thanks Emmett," I muttered. "That really helps."

"Just being honest."

Having had enough of that conversation, I walked into my bathroom to shower.

I had been neglecting things all week, so I had a lot of errands to get done during the day. I was glad for the distraction, as I'd spent the last 24 hours completely consumed with thoughts of Bella. I was glad I'd be seeing her later so I could clear the air.

I felt like such a chick getting ready. I was actually nervous, trying on different shirts and shit. I wanted to look good for Bella.

I finally settled on a pair of jeans and a fitted black t-shirt. My hair was as unruly as it always was so I finally gave up on it. Plus, I'd heard Bella mention before that she liked my hair like that.

I arrived at The Tavern by myself as Emmett had spent the day with Rosalie and was meeting me there. I grabbed a drink and meandered through the bar to a table where Emmett and Jasper were sitting.

"Hey Edward, over here," Jasper called, motioning for me to sit in an empty chair.

I looked around the bar. "Hey, where are the girls? Didn't they come with you?"

"No, they're having some girls' night out or something," Emmett said, as he took a sip of his beer. "It's just us tonight.

"Really? Where'd they go?" I tried to conceal my disappointment. I'd really wanted to clear the air with Bella.

"Some new club called Tsunami. Alice knows people who work there, so she wanted to check it out," Jasper said.

My mind immediately went to thoughts of Bella in the red-hot dress when we went to the club in New York. Bella would get dressed up to go to a club with Alice and Rosalie, and I knew she'd look amazing. She'd have guys hitting on her all night, and the thought made me insanely jealous. She had no idea how beautiful she was. But I did. Every inch of her. God, I'd never be able to look at her the same way again.

"Great," I said, unable to hide my disappointment.

Even though I never thought of Bella as more than a friend until now, I always knew she was gorgeous and smart. I could never understand why she hadn't found someone before. My only thought was she was kind of reserved around people she didn't know, and maybe that made it hard for her to meet guys. Now I was thankful for that. I just hoped she'd finally listen to me and give me the chance to make her mine. I wanted so much to be the one to make her happy.

I hung out for a little while longer with Emmett and Jasper, but my mind was constantly on Bella. The more I thought about her, the more I was convinced we could be good together. It actually made sense. We were such good friends, and when we finally accepted our physical attraction, it was amazing.

Realizing I was really bad company, I decided to leave. I didn't want to have to explain my moping, although I was sure they'd probably already figured it out.

"I think I'm going to take off," I announced, placing my hands on the table as I stood.

"Why? It's early," Emmett protested.

"I'm tired. I didn't sleep well last night."

"I would have thought you'd want a night out after the night you had last night. It was fun up until Tanya showed up, and Bella bolted. Here I always thought you were so smooth, Edward. You scared off two women last night. That's a record, especially for you," Emmett said, laughing.

So much for them being understanding.

"You're my brother, asshole. Thanks for laughing at my misery."

Emmett's face grew serious. "Sorry, man. I'm just trying to lighten things up. I know you're upset, and that sucks. Just hang for a little while. It'll make you feel better to get your mind off everything."

I pounded the last of my beer. "Nah. I'm just not feeling that sociable. I'll see you guys later."

I left the bar knowing perfectly well I wasn't going home. I needed to talk to Bella, and I couldn't wait any longer. I felt like a stalker, but I'd waited long enough. I needed to get things off my chest.

Once I got into the club, I pressed up to the bar to grab a drink. I was going to need all the liquid courage I could get in order to confront Bella. It was standing room only, so I had to wait to order. I scanned the bar while I waited.

"Edward?" I heard from behind me, breaking my concentration.

I turned around to see my friend Kate from medical school. She had brown hair with green eyes and was very pretty in a girl next door kind of way. She was one of those people who was nice to everybody. We had a lab together last semester, so we had worked closely together.

"Hi, Kate! How have you been?" I said, giving her a hug. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

"Yeah, it has been a while. I've been well. Looks like I'll be doing my residency in Chicago. I just got word yesterday."

"Congratulations, that's great. I'm really happy for you. How's Demetri taking it?"

He's actually looking forward to moving, if you can believe it. He just finished business school, so it's a good time for us to move," she said, pointing to where her husband was standing. "What about you?"

"I haven't heard yet."

"I'm sure you'll get your first pick," she said reassuringly. "You're so smart."

I blushed at her compliment. "We'll see. I should know soon."

Her husband called her from the bar, needing her help with a large round of drinks.

"Well, it was great to see you, Edward. I have to go help Demetri. Good luck with your residency. And stay in touch," she said, as she moved to the bar.

"Thanks. You too."

I nodded a quick goodbye to her and Demetri and resumed my search for Bella.

I scanned the bar area and the dance floor, and then I saw her.

She had on a tight blue dress that set off her flawless skin and accentuated her soft curves. She looked fucking beautiful, just as I had suspected she would.

She was dancing with some guy, who was behind her grinding up against her, and I became furious. She was mine.

I didn't even stop to think about what I was doing; the jealousy raged through me. I pushed my way through the crowded dance floor toward where Bella was dancing. Seeing me coming toward her, she grabbed the guy she was dancing with and walked off of the dance floor.

I sped up and followed them until I finally caught up and grabbed the guy's arm and gave him a piece of my mind. He bowed out, but Bella was pissed. The look of shock on her face when I'd called her my girlfriend was unmistakable. I hadn't even thought when I said it; it just came out. She was mine.

I should have been ashamed for my actions, but I wasn't. I didn't want her with anyone else, and I hoped she didn't want him either. It made me furious to think of another guy's hands on her. I needed to be closer to her, so I backed her up against the wall and leaned into her until we our bodies were touching.

I'd had enough of being ignored.

I leaned in and kissed her softly. It wasn't a long kiss, but I put as much passion into it as I could. When I pulled back so I could talk to her, she looked completely stunned.

After a brief moment, she collected her thoughts and told me we had to go back to being just friends and that what had happened in New York was just a fluke.

How could she not understand? I was trying harder with her than I ever had with anyone else. Bella knew me well, so she had to know I was being sincere. Couldn't she tell this was different for me?

I really wanted to tell her how I felt about her. I had no doubt she was still angry with me about Late Night Tanya, and I wanted to make things right.

I started to explain myself, but she stopped me, saying that things between us were over.

I wanted to punch something.

She insisted we were never more than just friends, and that whatever had happened between us meant nothing. I tried to refute that, but she wouldn't acknowledge any feelings other than friendship.

Did she really believe that after the time we'd spent together?

I moved my hand up to her neck, hoping to kiss her and make her realize how wrong her statements had been. She stopped me before I got the chance. She honestly felt like she was just one of my hookups, and there didn't seem to be any way to convince her otherwise. When she brought up my flirting with Kate at the bar, I knew how it must have looked to her, and I felt horrible. But what kind of guy did she think I was that she'd automatically assume the worst of me?

She moved out from my arms and started walking away. I was stunned. For a brief moment, she glanced back at me, but I couldn't read her expression.

I wanted to beg her to stay and talk to me, but I couldn't.

She just left me.

She didn't want me.

I had tried to tell her how I felt, but she didn't want me.

I turned around and punched the wall as hard as I could.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

I had to get out of there. I pushed my way through the crowds, out of the club and onto the street. I couldn't go home. I just started walking, feeling like the life had just been sucked out of me. I could handle almost anything, but being rejected by Bella stung my very soul. I had never wanted anyone so badly in my life. I was certain I was in love with her, yet she didn't reciprocate my feelings, or at least she wouldn't act on them. I had mistaken her passion and electricity for love, when it had never meant anything more to her than just sex. I had seen something more in her eyes, wanting it to be more, when it wasn't.

Karma had bitten me in the ass. I had used women for nothing more than just sex repeatedly, and suddenly the one woman I wanted had used me. Normally I would have laughed at the irony of it all, but I couldn't. I was devastated.

I walked for what felt like hours. No matter what I did, I couldn't get her out of my head.

I decided the best thing to do was to just go home. Walking around Seattle until all hours of the night wouldn't make Bella suddenly change her mind, nor would it make me feel better.

I made it home eventually, and Emmett was sitting on the couch.

"Where the fuck have you been? I thought you came straight home from the bar?" Emmett asked.

"I went to see Bella at the club."

"Oh shit, how'd it go?" he said, perking up in his seat.

"Well, I got my answer. She just wants to be friends. In other words, it was a fucking nightmare," I said, running my hands through my hair and looking down.

"Sorry, bro. Are you sure that's it?"

"Yeah, it was painfully clear."

"I don't know. I've seen the way she looks at you. I'm sure she's just confused by all this shit."

"No, Emmett. She asked me to back off. It's over."

Emmett looked genuinely sympathetic. "Sorry, bro."

I sighed heavily. "I guess it serves me right. I fucked things up."

"Well, at least you have closure. Sometimes not knowing is the worst," he said, trying to be positive.

"Yeah, I guess," I sighed. "It sucks, though, because Bella thought I saw her the same as all the other girls I've been with. She didn't think she was any different from any of the other girls I've dated."

"Dated?" He raised an eyebrow at me, and I winced.

"Whatever."

"Was she different?" he asked. "Really? I mean, I know you're fucked up about it, but are you more hurt by the rejection or because it's Bella?"

He made it sound like this was a game for me. "I'm not playing games with her. You know she was different."

"Hey, don't get pissed. I'm just asking. It's not often you don't get what you want when it comes to women."

I shook my head and sighed. "It's not just about the rejection. She was special. Fuck! She looked right at me and said we were never anything more than friends."

"I'm not entirely surprised she feels that way. It's not easy making that leap from friendship to dating. Maybe she just needs time."

"I just wish I could have explained myself better. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her."

"It could have been a lot worse given how things got started. I wouldn't worry too much. Bella's tough. You guys will get through it and be friends again."

"Yeah. Friends." I sighed and headed toward my room.

Emmett had no idea I was in love with Bella. He probably thought the same thing as she did; that it was just a few meaningless hookups.

I walked into my room and fell onto my bed. I had blown it. I had fucked up the best thing I'd ever had, and I couldn't make it better. I couldn't get her back. I was reluctant to hope for anything, but I didn't want to lose my best friend, too.

Emmett was right. I'd made my bed. Bella had seen me with other women, and I had told her countless times I didn't see myself being serious with anyone. What else was she supposed to think?

I felt like an asshole for being such a raving lunatic earlier. And I'd called her my girlfriend! I hoped she'd at least forgive me for my behavior.

She'd asked me to back off. I had to respect her wishes and accept that she would never be mine. It was the least I could do after the hideous way I had treated her. I'd give her the space she wanted and pretend we were just friends. She'd never know how much I loved her.

_Fuck, I'm such an idiot._

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**A/N: This is a transitional chapter. I thought about deleting it but decided that you guys might want to see what brought Edward to the club that night. **

**I was stunned at the wide array of opinions from the nightclub. Some of you think Bella's a huge bitch and others think she's perfectly within her rights. My take is this. She's heard Edward talk about girls for years. Even after they had this amazing time together, he came home and fucked the first girl he found. He's made no attempt to have any real relationship with her (from her point of view), and the only times they've been together have been late at night after drinking. I can't blame her for feeling cheap. That being said, he IS trying to talk to her, and she should listen. The nightclub wasn't the place for that discussion, however, but she should at least hear him out so they can be friends again. **

**The next chapter will be up on Monday, and we'll get to see what happens when they talk. **

**Thanks to my peeps this week for talking me off a ledge. I can be a big emo mess, and they bring me back!**

**If you're looking for something different to read, check out ****What if I Told You**** by ajsilentvoice. I'm a beta for this story, and it's a very unique approach to NM. Tell her I sent you. Link is in my favorites. **

**Until Monday…**


	17. Chapter 17 Realization

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 17: Realization**

**Bella**

It had been a week since my confrontation with Edward at Tsunami, and things were still uncomfortable. He'd called the next day and apologized for how he acted. I didn't know what to say. We had exchanged text messages a few times during the week, but I hadn't seen him. He was respecting my space and hadn't pushed me, which I appreciated.

Everyone was going over to Edward and Emmett's place to hang out. I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. I didn't want to avoid it. Edward and I needed to talk now that we were both calm. Plus, I didn't want my friends to feel weird around us, so I had to suck up the awkwardness and face the facts. As Alice and I walked up the front walkway, I got nervous.

"Are you going to be okay tonight?" Alice asked, putting her hand on my arm to stop me.

I appreciated her concern but just wanted to get it over with. "Yeah, Alice. He knows how I feel, and I think he'll respect that."

"Are you going to try and talk to him about things?"

I shrugged. "If he wants to talk, I'll listen. I'm not sure what else there is to say, but we should probably try and clear the air. I guess we'll just see how it goes."

"Okay. Just let me know if you need anything," she said sweetly.

Alice always knew how to make me feel better. She was always there for moral support, and I had a feeling I was going to need it tonight. She knew Edward as well as I did, so when everything went down between us at the club, she understood why I was upset. Even though she'd been pretty adamant initially about what a mistake it would be to get involved with Edward, she stayed neutral after that. She and Jasper had been great the whole week, listening to me complain about how fucked up things had gotten.

Despite how hard it had been for me to turn Edward away at Tsunami, I felt confident that I was saving myself future heartbreak. I wasn't making Edward into the bad guy. It just happened. Everyone made mistakes, and it would hardly be fair to pin this whole mess on him. I never should have let things get that far to begin with. At the time, it had felt like anything but a mistake, but I realized now we had crossed a line.

We finished walking up to the house, and I hesitated for a moment before opening the front door.

I could do this.

I slowly opened the door. "Hello? Anyone here?" I shrugged and walked into the foyer with Alice on my heels.

Rosalie and Emmett came in the room from the kitchen, all smiles.

"Hey guys. Go grab yourselves a drink," Emmett said, nodding over his should to the kitchen.

I smiled lamely. A drink sounded pretty good about now.

Rosalie noticed my discomfort and held me back while Alice went ahead. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I lied, attempting to continue on into the kitchen and ignore the elephant in the room. "Thanks for asking, though."

She wasn't buying it. "How are things with Edward?" She stopped me, not settling for my intentionally vague answer.

"I haven't seen him since Tsunami," I sighed. "But I think things will be okay. I just need some space. Thanks for being concerned, though. I appreciate it."

Even if I was uncomfortable reliving everything, I appreciated the fact that Rose cared.

"I'm here for you," she said, giving me a slight hug.

I hadn't known Rose for very long, but she seemed genuinely concerned. Or she may have been just trying to avoid having any turmoil in our group. Hell, all our friends probably agreed on that point. I was sure she and Emmett had talked about it. No one wanted to have to pick sides. I felt a pang of guilt, knowing I'd put them all in a bad spot.

As I turned the corner into the kitchen, I saw Edward talking to Jasper in front of the counter. He glanced over at me and turned away, taking a swig of his beer. The sight of him momentarily stunned me.

Holy shit, he looked good. How had I not noticed how gorgeous the back of his head was? I felt all my previous strength leave my body. I needed a beer to cut the tension, although I doubted even that would work.

I instantly remembered the incident at the club, and I felt horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't even look at me, and yet I was in knots. I thought maybe I had bruised his ego, but it didn't look as if it was affecting him as much as it was me.

I decided to be the bigger person and break the ice. I walked over to Jasper and Edward, threw an arm over each of their shoulders and gave them a quick squeeze.

"Nice to see you guys," I said, trying to muster up as much pep as I could. Even I didn't buy my fake enthusiasm.

"Hey Bella." Jasper offered his widest grin.

Edward didn't say anything; he just smiled and drank his beer. It was good enough for me. At least he wasn't yelling or sulking.

We went back into the living room to watch a movie, and the seating arrangements suddenly became an issue for me. Would I have to sit next to him for an entire movie? I didn't know if I could handle it. I hated that it was this weird. I just stood there trying to find a way to avoid being too close to Edward while everyone else got situated. Alice and Jasper sat closely together on the couch. He put his arm around her, and she snuggled up into his side. Rosalie sat on Emmett's lap in the oversized chair. I felt extremely awkward being one of the only two singles in the room. Thankfully, Edward sat in the other oversized chair, so I sat on the rug, leaning my back against the couch.

Still, despite the awkwardness over seating, things were going better than I had expected with Edward. We were being polite, but distant. I sat opposite him during the movie, and although I occasionally caught him staring at me, we just smiled at each other and looked away. He didn't make any attempt to talk to me further. At least there didn't seem to be any animosity, and I was thankful for that.

Emmett got up to get a beer when the movie ended and made his way back into the living room.

"So Edward, did you tell everyone your news?" All eyes went to Edward.

He looked nervous as he raked his hand through his hair. "Uh…no… not yet."

"What's your news?" Alice asked.

"He got his residency assignment. Looks like we'll be making road trips to San Diego for the next couple of years." Emmett sounded excited at the new vacation destination.

I was not so excited, and I was sure my face showed it. My heart sank.

He was leaving?

"That's awesome, Edward. Congratulations! When do you have to leave?" Jasper asked, seemingly unaware of my near meltdown.

"In a month. It'll give me enough time to find a place to live," Edward said as he looked down at the ground. He seemed nervous, but I was too focused on not crying to concentrate on it.

A month? That's all I had?

I thought back to all the amazing times we'd shared over the last couple of years, and I could barely breathe. Whatever bullshit had happened between us recently was immediately trumped by the fact that he had been my rock – for years. I didn't know what I was going to do without him.

Feeling like I was going to implode, I got up quickly and practically ran into the bathroom, making up some lame excuse about an eyelash in my eye. My eyes were swelling up with tears, and my face heated up from anxiety.

No sooner had the bathroom door closed than I sank to the floor and was overcome with tears. All the emotion I had suppressed since New York came pouring out. The tears kept falling, and I felt like I was going to puke.

It was as if a light bulb went on in my head. I was going to miss him with every fiber of my being. I had taken for granted that he would always be there for me. I had assumed we would work through this weirdness and would be the same friends we had been forever.

But now I knew that was not reality. He would leave, and I would ache for him. I wanted to run from the bathroom, pull him aside and kiss him until I was blue in the face. Whatever my realistic, logical side had wanted, my body still craved him. My heart still craved him. I wanted to feel him against me and wake up in his arms. I wished I could go back to our own little private haven we'd had in New York, where I knew he'd be next to me when I woke up. I had taken for granted how that felt. I had been in complete denial.

"Bella, are you in there?" Alice knocked at the door, sounding hesitant.

"Yeah, just a second." I fumbled in the mirror, trying to quickly make myself presentable.

"Can I come in?"

I opened the door and let her in as I sank down and sat on the toilet seat, tears still streaming from my face.

She shut the door behind her and sank down in front of me when she saw my condition. "Oh my God, Bella. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I was just a little shocked at Edward's news," I replied, standing to look in the mirror again. It was futile to try and make myself look like I hadn't been crying. The damage had been done.

"You're so full of shit. I know you better than anyone and this…" She waved her hand in front of my face. "…is not the face of someone who's fine. You love him, don't you?"

"Please, Alice. I just want to pull myself together. I can't do this now, okay?"

"Don't 'Please, Alice' me. I know what I see. I know love when I see it."

"He's leaving," I said, as I pulled her into a hug and started to cry again.

"I know he is. What are you going to do about it?" she asked, pulling me back so she could look into my eyes.

"There's nothing to do. What's done is done. I just need to be stronger about it. I don't know…I guess I'm surprised by how hard this news was for me to hear," I admitted.

"You have to tell him how you feel," she said, trying to help me clean up my face. "I've never seen him like this, or you for that matter. You both can deny it all you want, but it's more than just friendship between you two."

"I thought you didn't think being with him was a good idea?"

She raised her hands in surrender. "I know. I admit it. I thought he'd treat you the same as all his other skanks. But he hasn't. He's trying, and you're crazy about him. I'm pretty sure he feels the same."

I digested her words. Was it possible I'd made a big mistake denying Edward? Was I wrong to push aside my feelings for him?

But then I came to my senses again.

"What's the point of confessing how I feel? He's going to leave no matter what I say." The frustration was clear in my voice. "I pushed him away and told him I didn't care, and he hasn't said anything about it since. I'm sure he's over it by now."

"Don't do that, Bella. You wouldn't want someone presuming to know how you feel about something without talking to you first. At least give him a chance to tell you himself. He should know how you feel before he leaves."

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks, and my head fell into my hands on my lap. It was amazing to me that in the span of less than thirty days, I'd gone from being in a boring relationship but having a fabulous best friend; to being blissfully happy and having the best sex of my life; to being totally depressed and feeling hopeless.

Only my life could be this comical.

After sitting in the bathroom for an abnormally long time, I decided to join the land of the living again. I stood up, straightened my clothes, and tried desperately to make my face look like I hadn't been crying. It wasn't working, but I couldn't stay in the bathroom all night.

"Do I look like shit?" I asked, already knowing the answer but needing her infamous moral support.

"No. Your eyes are a little red, but it's not that bright in the living room. No one will notice," she said, coming through for me like a champion.

"I'm going to tell him." I stood tall and took a deep breath, trying to tell myself I could be that strong.

"Tell him what?" she asked, baiting me.

"Tell him I'll miss him. Tell him that waking up in his arms was the best feeling in the world. Tell him I'm so scared of being rejected that I almost let him leave without knowing how I feel about him. If he rejects me, he rejects me, but at least I will have tried. I can't deal with him leaving never knowing the truth."

"I think that's a good start," she said, opening the door and leading me out the door.

We walked out into the hallway, and I took a deep breath before walking back into the living room.

Jasper and Emmett were involved in some sports conversation. They looked like they hadn't even noticed my disappearance.

Typical guys.

Rosalie watched me walk out with Alice and stood up to offer her support. I shook my head, though, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.

"You okay?" she asked as she got closer, completely ignoring my plea.

I looked around and tried to be discreet. "Honestly? It's touch and go. One minute I'm fine, and the next minute I'm a mess."

"Well, no one was buying your put-together act anyway," she laughed, offering another, more forceful hug. "At least I wasn't."

I walked over to where I was sitting before 'the freak out' happened and sat down.

I had purposefully not made eye contact with Edward, though I could feel his eyes on me. I hoped he couldn't tell I'd been crying. I stole quick glances at him trying to read his facial expression. He looked concerned. His brow knitted together making the vein on his forehead stand out. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say he had not intended to announce to the entire room that he'd be leaving.

After a moment, he stood and walked over to where I was sitting, offering me a hand to get up.

"Bella, will you come with me for a minute?" His gaze was intense.

This was it – my moment to come clean, and I was panicked.

"Um…yeah sure." I stood up and followed him down the hallway.

Alice and Rosalie watched my every move. Emmett and Jasper were completely unaware of anything.

He led me into his room and shut the door behind him as he turned to face me. He shifted nervously from foot to foot, and I wondered if he felt as awkward as I did.

"Look, I know things have been tense between us," he said, almost looking sad. "But I didn't mean for you to find out about me leaving like that. I wanted to tell you myself."

I smiled and waved my hand dismissively, trying to play it off as if I was okay. "I'm happy for you." My body betrayed me as I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. "You deserve to get what you want. You've worked really hard."

He walked over to me and stood within inches of my face. His green eyes held such intense emotion as they attempted to read me. Being this close made it impossible to ignore how beautiful he was. His bronze, unruly hair set off his chiseled facial features. His confident, strong shoulders reminded me of the security I'd felt when I was in his arms.

"I don't want to leave, you know. You and I have been through a lot, and the thought of not having you around makes me sad," he said, lifting my chin so I could meet his eyes, softly brushing my cheek with his thumb.

It was such an intimate gesture that reminded me of the Edward only I knew existed. I wanted to reach out and grab him. I wanted him to lean in and kiss me and worry about all the rest of the crap between us later. My body reacted to his proximity so profoundly that I had very little self-control.

"I'll miss you," I said, looking down so he couldn't see the anguish in my face. "I'll miss you more than you know."

He wouldn't let me look away as he lifted my chin again. Gently, he reached up and tucked a falling piece of hair behind my ear.

I struggled to maintain my composure.

"Bella." His face hovering just above mine as he sighed. He wrapped his long fingers around my arms, his thumbs now making circles on my biceps. "I'm so sorry about all the bullshit between us. I never meant for any of it to happen."

"I know. Me too." I instinctively reached out and brought my arms around his shoulders.

He felt amazing as he hugged me back tightly. His arms enveloped me, and he rubbed his hands up and down my back. I melted into him, wanting to stay in his arms forever.

"God…Bella, you feel so good. I don't want to let you go. I want you near me."

I didn't know what to say. This was what I wanted, but would I just be jumping back into the fire again?

He watched me as I struggled to put together a response and then continued talking. "I know it's a lot to ask, but will you stay with me tonight?"

My jaw dropped open. I was not prepared for that.

I shook my head as I spoke. "I…wow um…"

Sensing my hesitation, he chimed in. "We don't have to do anything; I just want to be with you." He looked both apprehensive and hopeful.

I thought about accepting his offer, but I still wasn't sure if it was right. I didn't want us to be together out of desperation. The timing felt all wrong, and I still had a lot lingering insecurities and doubts. I still wasn't sure about his intentions.

"Edward…it's late…I…can't."

It pained me to reject him. I wanted more than anything to stay but knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from attacking him if we were in his bed. As badly as I wanted to be with him at that moment I couldn't keep lying to myself and to Edward. I had a pretty good idea where this could lead, and it wouldn't be just sex for me. I had tried that and failed.

He sighed. "It's okay. I understand. Just forget I said anything." I wasn't used to seeing him stumble on his words. He looked genuinely upset. "Will you at least have dinner with me tomorrow? There are things that need to be said."

How could I deny him?

"Sure, that sounds nice."

There were definitely things that needed to be said.

We walked out of his room, and Alice was immediately at my side, glancing between Edward and me.

"You ready to go?" I asked quickly, knowing if I said too much my tears would betray me.

"Sure. Let's go," she replied, grabbing her stuff.

On the way home, all I could think about was dinner the next night. I needed to prepare myself. I would finally have the chance to tell him how I felt, if I could even quantify it myself. I knew he had to leave Seattle, but he deserved to know what I was feeling. Based on the look on his face when we were in his room, I considered the fact that I may have misjudged his feelings for me, and I wanted to get everything out in the open.

I was really nervous.

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**A/N: Nothing like your hand being forced to make a decision easier, huh? So now Bella realizes she's got to lay her cards on the table. **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, for being so awesome despite my paranoia. Also, my pre-readers are like my cheerleaders, telling me all will be okay. I love all y'all!**

**If you haven't left me a review, now's your chance! I read them all and respond with teasers! **

**Next up – dinner!**


	18. Chapter 18 Confessions

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 18: Confessions**

**Edward**

I was a fucking mess- a complete and utter fucking mess.

Last night, when Emmett told everyone about my upcoming move to San Diego, I could tell Bella was upset by the news. She had gotten up quickly and gone to the bathroom, followed closely by Alice. I had no idea what their conversation entailed, but her reaction gave me hope that perhaps Bella felt more for me than she'd let on.

I was even more conflicted about moving after seeing Bella's reaction and the hope it stirred within me. I was ready to kill Emmett for announcing it to everyone before I'd had a chance to talk to Bella alone. I had wanted to tell her myself and hopefully get a chance to mend things with us. The timing couldn't have been worse. I needed more time to convince her I could be the man she deserved.

I decided to man up and talk to her. I had nothing to lose at that point.

Instead of being defensive, which was what I was expecting after our confrontation at Tsunami, she was sweet and supportive. I was happy we'd gotten some time to talk after Emmett's big slip. Things had been so out of whack between us that it was nice to be able to talk without fighting. I was pleasantly surprised by her admission that she would miss me, and it gave me hope that we might be able to work through this.

When she wrapped her arms around my neck, I couldn't help but let my hands roam her back. I had missed touching her and feeling her body against mine. She felt so incredible, and I relished the feeling of her arms wrapped around me. Her smell was familiar and comfortable, and I inhaled deeply, savoring it. I thought briefly that she would stay with me based on the look on her face, but she refused. She looked like she was about to cry. I wanted to comfort her and beg her to stay, but she had made it clear there were boundaries. I didn't want to fuck up again.

I hadn't earned the right to expect anything from Bella. I knew I had made mistakes with her. I decided I would show her I could treat her with the respect and reverence she deserved. So as much as I wanted her, I could wait – it was right to wait - and show her it was about much more than sex to me.

After she left last night, I hardly slept. Instead of being excited and happy about my new job, I was confused and saddened at the thought of leaving her behind and sickened by the thought of her moving on. I didn't want to picture her with anyone else, but I feared she'd move on when I left. She'd find someone new to care about, while I'd be in San Diego alone in a city where I knew no one.

She agreed to have dinner with me, and I intended to make the most of it. She needed to know how I really felt about her. She deserved to know. I had to ask her for a chance.

I got in the shower to get ready for dinner and, once again, my mind was filled with thoughts of Bella. I reflected back on the trip to New York and how her face had lit up when I surprised her at the reggae bar. I recalled how our bodies melded together and our hips swayed to the music as I danced close behind her. I knew then on some level I wanted to spend the rest of my life making her smile like that, because there was nothing more beautiful in this world than knowing I made her that happy.

I remembered her flirtatiousness when we were playing pool at the pub in Greenwich Village and how she'd had no idea every guy in the place was ogling her; even doing something as simple as playing pool was so much better when she was around.

I remembered the first time I felt the warmth of her body surround me. Her soft skin and lithe body writhing beneath me had me burning with desire. I had to tear myself away from thoughts of Bella's legs wrapped around me or else I'd never make it to dinner. It would be a long night if I let that train of thought continue, so I turned the water cold to regain my faculties. I needed to focus before seeing her tonight.

Bella made me feel something I thought only existed for other people, and I had no idea why it had taken me so long to figure out she was the perfect woman for me.

I had one last chance. I couldn't fuck this up again.

After spending an hour getting dressed and thinking about all I wanted to say, I finally headed over to her place to pick her up. I was so nervous, knowing what needed to be said but having no clue how she would react. My palms were sweating, and I felt like a teenager on a first date.

She walked out of her house in a black fitted skirt and a deep red, flowing blouse that was cut deep in the front revealing her creamy chest and just enough of her breasts to be utterly distracting. Her legs were toned and the heels she wore made them look a mile long. Her hair was pulled up loosely in the back and pieces fell down to frame her face. She looked gorgeous, but then again she looked gorgeous even when dressed in sweats and an old t-shirt.

My body instantly reacted to the sight of her, and I could feel my pants tightening. Damn blue balls! I cursed myself for my poor timing.

We didn't say much on the way to the restaurant, but I could tell by her fidgeting she was as nervous as I was. Oddly, that thought provided me some comfort. Perhaps she did have stronger feelings for me.

We arrived at the restaurant and were seated at a cozy table by the window with an incredible view of the city.

"This is an amazing place, Edward," Bella said, breaking the silence between us.

"Yeah, my mom recommended it, and I've always wanted to try it."

The small talk sounded contrived. I tried to remember this was my Bella. My best friend. I could say anything to her.

If only it was that simple again.

I reached for the glass of water on the table and took a sip before speaking. "I'm really happy to be here with you." I suddenly hated the sound of my voice.

"Thanks. Me too." She grabbed the menu, avoiding eye contact.

This wasn't going well. Thankfully, the waitress, who spewed off the daily chef specials in a monotonous tone, interrupted us from our silence and awkward small talk. We listened in rapt fascination. Anything to avoid the tension. The waitress left with our orders, once again leaving us to face the music.

I had to do something, so I reached over and grabbed her hands, gently rubbing my thumbs on the backs of her knuckles. She didn't pull away, which was encouraging. Instead, she squeezed my hands lightly and returned my gaze.

It was difficult to focus on anything but the feel of her touch. I couldn't believe something as simple as holding her hands could reduce me to a bumbling idiot. There was such charged physical chemistry between us I could hardly concentrate.

"Bella, I feel like I've fucked everything up," I said as I glanced nervously down at the table.

She shook her head. "Edward, listen. Let's not do this. It was both of us. We both got carried away and let all the craziness come between us. You can hardly take all the blame." She kept her gaze strong, still allowing me to hold her hands.

"It's just…the whole thing with that girl…and then Tsunami... It just got so fucked up." I winced and stumbled through my words. "I never meant to hurt you." I looked down at my lap, too ashamed to return her gaze.

"I know that. Look at me," she said as her hand trailed down my jaw to lift my chin. "I know you'd never hurt me intentionally. Things just got too crazy, too fast, and I don't think either of us knew how to deal with it."

I didn't know how to tell her things weren't moving too fast for me.

"I wish I could change what happened. I didn't want any other girl. I only wanted you," I confessed.

"I don't want to dwell on the past. I really don't. As much as it hurt me to think of you with another women, I didn't have any claim on you." Her voice cracked.

She was so wrong. She did have a claim on me.

"Bella, I'm so - "

She removed her hands from mine and reached to swirl the wine in her glass. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, if that's all right with you. Let's not relive it, okay?"

It wasn't okay with me. I needed her to understand. But while I thought about what to say, she continued talking, changing the subject. "Anyway, you must be getting excited about your residency."

"I am and I'm not." I wasn't going to let it go this time. I needed her to hear what I had to say. "I'm excited to start working, but I'm leaving a lot behind."

She nodded in agreement, but I knew I still wasn't being clear enough.

"I'm leaving behind the one person I've ever loved." My eyes tentatively rose to meet her astonished gaze.

She looked completely shocked at my admission. Her face flushed red, and she swallowed visibly. I had never wanted to read someone's mind so badly before.

"What did you just say?" she asked in disbelief. She tilted her head and leaned towards me.

"I said I love you, Bella. You're the only person I've ever loved."

I felt a wave of relief come over me at having my feelings out in the open. It was immediately followed with a sense of dread, wondering how's she'd react.

Her eyes welled up with tears, and she dabbed them with her napkin.

"I know you believe that. I can see it in the way you're looking at me. But I'm not sure you know what love really is. You've never even had a real girlfriend."

I cringed. Her words stung me, but I understood why she would think that. Of course she wouldn't know how different this was for me. She wouldn't know how I could barely breathe having her this close to me. She wouldn't know how much I wanted to make her mine in every sense of the word. She wouldn't know how many of my thoughts were dedicated to her.

"Look, I know my past isn't the best. I know I've handled things poorly with you. But I know how I feel, and I know I love you."

She brought her hands up to her face, sighing as she hid herself from my view.

"I don't know, Edward…I don't know how to be Late Night Bella, even for a few weeks. Can you honestly say you could handle that? I mean, look at what happened last time?"

I was stunned silent. How could she still think that was how I viewed her?

I grabbed her hands off her face and held them in mine.

"Don't you understand? This is more than that."

"I can see you're trying. And I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that we've been friends for so long."

"It's not just because we're friends. I admit that it helps, but it's so much more. I'm sorry I haven't told you how special I think you are before now. God…New York? You blew me away. Literally, blew me away. I didn't know what to think, but I knew it was so much more than just sex. I just didn't know how you felt, and then you said you wanted to stay friends and act like it never happened. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, even if I can see now how much it hurt you. I apologize for that. I was worried if I pressed you, I'd lose you altogether, and I couldn't handle that. I should have been more honest with you." I hoped she'd finally understand.

Bella finally spoke in a shaky voice. "How can this be happening now? You're moving in a month!"

She looked at me intently, her eyes filled with tears.

"I know the timing is terrible, but I want a future with you more than you know. You have no basis for believing me, but this truly is different for me. You know me. Have you ever seen me give a shit before? I'd never treat you the way I've treated other women. They meant nothing to me. But you…you're all I think about and all I want."

I'd never been that honest with a woman, and I felt vulnerable and exposed. I'd never been in love before - not even close - and I had no idea what to do or say. All I knew was I had to get her to believe me.

She wasn't saying anything in response, so I took it as an opportunity to continue talking and try to convince her.

"You've been my best friend for years. I know everything about you. I know what makes you laugh, what makes you cry, and what pisses you off. I know how you think and even what turns you on. I know you well, and I love all of you. I've always loved you as a friend, but the feelings I have now are so much more."

"Edward…"

She stopped talking to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Bella, you have all the qualities I could ever want in a woman. You're smart, funny and incredibly sexy. We can have fun doing anything, and I never want that to stop. I was so happy waking up in your arms; I never wanted to let you out of my bed. This is really new for me and really scary. I don't know how else to explain it. You're like a drug to me, and I can't get enough."

The tears started flowing again from her eyes, and I wanted desperately to know what she felt.

"You're leaving," she said, her voice soft and strangled.

I grabbed her hands and stroked them again, hoping to comfort her. I wanted so badly to hold her.

"I know it won't be easy, but we can work it out. I believe that"

"I don't know. I'm so scared of getting hurt. I can't just take years' worth of knowing you and change everything on a dime. I can't just forget all the other women." Bella shook her head, looking down at our hands.

"Do you have feelings for me, Bella?" I asked, needing desperately to know one way or the other.

Her head shot up. "Of course I care about you!"

"As more than friends?" I pushed because I needed to hear the words out of her mouth. I needed honesty.

She nodded slowly and lowered her eyes. "Yes, I do. The times we've been together have been amazing. New York surprised the hell out of me, but it was incredible. And then when I stayed with you once we got back, I felt like I was in a cocoon of happiness. You made me feel loved and safe. I didn't know it was possible to feel like that. Instead of my feelings fading, they only got stronger, and that scared me. I just panicked when I woke up because it seemed so unlikely we could make it work. I didn't think you could change – just like that."

My heart skipped a beat. She cared about me, and even if she only felt a portion of what I felt for her, it was a start.

Just then, our dinner arrived and we both sat up to allow the server to put our food down on the table.

Once the server was gone, she continued talking while I hung on her every word. "I came here tonight with the intention of telling you how I feel, even if you didn't feel the same. I didn't want you to leave without knowing the truth. I care so much about you, and I don't want any more secrecy or fighting. It's been so hard for me since we got back from New York, all the fighting and insecurity, and then Emmett announced you were leaving, and I couldn't take it anymore. It was like my whole world came crashing down and nothing else mattered except fixing things with you. You have no idea how badly I wanted to stay with you last night, but I knew we needed to talk first. I realized I had to tell you the truth. I was so nervous about tonight because I was prepared for your rejection. I never expected you to feel anything toward me other than friendship."

"How could you think that? I wanted you to stay last night. Hell, I've wanted you to stay every night. You know it's different with you. You have to know that."

"I convinced myself it was just how you normally were with women. I've seen countless women fall in love with you, so I assumed it was no different with me. I told myself the chemistry I felt between us was just you being you."

"No. You're wrong. You're not like any other woman I've ever known, and I've never felt like this. What happened between us was real. It wasn't a show. I can assure you of that." I felt horrible that my past actions had instilled so much doubt in her.

She sighed. "I'm so confused. I don't know if I can get involved with you only to have you leave. I wish I could do it, but I don't know. It would hurt too much to be your girlfriend for only a month."

"I don't want you for a month, either. I want much more than that." I ran my hand through my hair. "I don't have all the answers. I just know I've never felt this way about anyone before, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, to make you smile, to make you love me the way I love you."

"This is lot to process," she sighed, swirling the wine glass in her hands. "I don't know what to think…I'm happy…but it's just complicated."

"If you need time to think, that's okay. Just please don't shut me out."

She nodded and set her glass down. "I'm not going to shut you out. Not anymore."

We talked about trivial things throughout the remainder of dinner. A lot had been said, and although I wanted to push the issue for my own sanity, I refrained, knowing Bella needed time.

The ride home was equally quiet. She stared out the passenger window, not looking at me. I wondered if she could ever trust me and truly believe me. I grabbed her hand to comfort her, and she didn't pull away, but she didn't look at me either. I wanted to stop the car and beg her to talk to me, to tell me what she was thinking, but I didn't.

I pulled up in front of her house and put the car in park. We sat in silence for a few moments before she spoke. "Thanks for tonight. I think we needed to clear the air. I know that wasn't easy for you to talk about, and I'm not trying to make you suffer. I just need time to think things through. I hope you understand." She fidgeted with the straps of her purse.

"I'll wait for you, Bella. It's the least I can do after all that's happened."

I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. It was a sweet kiss, one that held promise for me. Too soon, she pulled away and opened the door to get out of the car.

"I'll call you later, okay?" she asked.

"I look forward to it."

It killed me to watch her walk up the front walk of her house and close the door behind her. I wanted to chase her, but I remembered my promise to show her it was about more than just our physical relationship for me.

That woman was my future; I knew that much. As difficult as it would be to wait for her to figure things out, I'd do it for her. I'd wait forever if that was what it took. Knowing she felt something for me was a huge step, even if her feelings didn't completely mirror mine. I would take whatever she could give me. Thinking back on dinner, there were several times I got the sense she wanted to say more but held back. I couldn't stop wondering what she was thinking or how she was feeling. I had to hope she cared enough to take this step with me. I didn't want to lose her now after all we'd been through.

I got home, changed clothes and slumped down on the couch. Emmett was at Rosalie's house so at least I had the place to myself. I felt a pang of jealousy, knowing my brother would get to spend the night with the woman he loved, while I pined for Bella.

The evening hadn't exactly ended up as I'd hoped, but at least I told Bella how I felt. It was eating me up inside keeping it from her, and I couldn't stand her thinking she didn't mean anything to me.

The doorbell rang, and I walked over to open the door, swinging it open. I let out a loud gasp when I saw her standing there, her eyes filled with emotion.

"Bella?"

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**A/N: Whew! They finally talked! What did you think? Did I redeem myself for the heartfail? Next up, we'll see what happens after Bella showed up, and maybe some lemony goodness! **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, and ellierk, Sunfeathers, and Dana1779, my pre-readers. We had some last minute crises, but you guys were awesome!**

**Next chapter will probably go up tomorrow!**


	19. Chapter 19 Desperation

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 19: Desperation**

**Bella**

I'd been on an emotional roller coaster since we had gotten back from New York, and it all manifested itself at the moment I closed the door to my house after my dinner with Edward.

I tried to maintain some composure when I was with him, but his profession of love for me sent me reeling.

I believed him when he said he loved me. I knew when Edward was being sincere. A big part of me was thrilled he said it. But I had known him for so long and had seen him in action with women so many times, I was jaded. I was worried he'd get bored when the chase was over.

I knew one thing, though. I loved him. Wholeheartedly.

I knew I loved him from the minute I heard he was leaving. On some level, I had known it in New York but wouldn't allow myself to believe it. I had put up this wall between us in the hopes my feelings would dissipate, but I had been kidding myself.

Edward was perfect for me. He understood me in a way no one else did. He was smart and sexy, and for some unknown reason, he wanted me.

I just had to make sure I could trust him with my heart. Because if I gave into this feeling I had, that's exactly what he would have - my heart. He had been careless with others, and I couldn't bear to be rejected by him. I was still so shocked by the whole thing. Of all the women Edward could have, why me? Why now?

As I was in the midst of my emotional crisis, Alice and Jasper came into the room.

"What's going on in here? It sounds like someone is dying," Alice said before she realized I was crying.

"Hey, what happened? What's wrong?" Jasper said, as he walked over to me and gave me a big bear hug.

"What did Edward do?" Alice asked sarcastically.

I could barely get out a sentence between sobs to reply.

"It was nothing bad. He told me he loved me. O…Over dinner, he…he said he wanted to be with me and that he loved me. How's that for shocking?" I sniveled, looking up through my tears.

"Actually, it's not shocking at all," Alice answered. "I could have told you that."

"What? You knew?"

She rolled her eyes as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Did he say something to you guys? Am I the only person who had no idea?" I asked, feeling more than a little annoyed at Edward for talking to my friends about me before he'd talked to me.

"He didn't say those words, per se, but he alluded to how much he cares for you," Jasper said soothingly, unfazed by my irritable tone.

"Oh please, Bella," Alice said in a smug yet light tone. "This isn't brain surgery. Any fool can see how he looks at you. I admit I was a skeptic, but I can see he's changed. Why do you think I was so encouraging when you told me you were going to tell him how you feel? I knew he'd reciprocate, but it wasn't my place to interfere."

"I've noticed it too. He's never been like this before. At least not since I've known him," Jasper added. "So why are you crying? Is that bad news?"

"Can I trust him, Jasper? You guys know his history as well as I do. What would you do?"

"Well, like I said, I've never seen him like this. He seems to be trying really hard to do the right thing. The guy doesn't chase women. He doesn't have to, and yet he's chased you pretty hard." Jasper was always so logical. It was why I loved him so much.

"What about the fact that he's moving to San Diego?" I felt the tears well up again. "How am I supposed to deal with that?"

"For starters, don't over-analyze things. People overcome worse things than distance. Why not see what happens? You never know. Things could really work out for you guys. It is you and Edward we're talking about here," Alice said.

"That's what makes me so scared; I have so much to lose."

Jasper sat down next to me. "I've known you for a long time, and you've never been one to back away from a challenge. Yes, you are putting your friendship at risk with him, but look what you have to gain. I know you're confused, but don't sabotage your own happiness out of fear."

"I don't want to worry about things all the time. I want to trust him, trust us, but I'm so fucking confused. I just need to think." I walked toward my bedroom. "Goodnight."

As I undressed and got ready for bed, I replayed the night's events. I was so shocked to hear Edward's admission of his feelings for me. I was sure he'd reject me when I told him how I felt. I desperately wanted to be with him and to believe his feelings were real. His reaction was exactly what I'd hoped for, the best possible outcome, yet I never believed it would happen. And now that it _had_ happened, what had I done? I'd run away. Again.

I walked into the bathroom to wash my face, and as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, the image frightened me. I looked totally disheveled. My makeup was running down my face, and my eyes were puffy from crying. My hair was a mess from running my hands through it. The Bride of Frankenstein had nothing on me.

A final realization struck me as I stared at my ghastly reflection. I had denied myself what I wanted more than anything - to be with Edward. He was very straightforward with his feelings for me, and I believed what he told me. Yet, here I was crying and alone when I should have been happy and in love. I should have been with Edward.

I was so sick of fretting about everything. I had spent my life being the responsible one and always taking care of everyone else, sometimes at my own expense. I wanted Edward. He seemingly wanted me. I wanted that to be enough. I was done being the victim I saw in the mirror.

Fixing my makeup and throwing on some clothes, I made my decision. I was through worrying about everything bad that could happen. I was finally going to do what felt right.

I scooped up my keys and rushed out the door.

I was nervous as I parked in front of his house. I hated being this vulnerable. But I hated being lonely and isolated more. It was a risk I'd have to take.

I slowly made my way up the front walk and tentatively rang the doorbell.

He answered the door, not really paying much attention. As soon as he saw me, he gasped loudly.

"Bella?" he said, shocked.

I immediately drank in his appearance. His pajama pants were slung low on his hips, exposing his well-defined stomach and chest. His hair was more wild than usual, shading his eyes and deepening the dark circles below them. I didn't know what was more unnerving how sexy he looked, or how exhausted.

"Can I come in?" I asked gently.

"Uh, sure," he said, as he moved aside to allow me entry. He was running his hands through his hair nervously and rubbing the stubble on his jaw.

As he closed the door, he leaned his back up against it, with his foot propped up, watching me. His tired eyes wore a mixture of hope and worry.

"So…what's up?" he asked.

This was my chance. I had to be honest.

I shifted my weight. "I tried to tell myself that things with us could just go back to the way they were before New York. I tried to push you away, believing you saw me as no different than any other girl you've been with. I tried to protect myself from getting hurt by shutting out the one person whom I want more than anything."

He looked at me, sighing, straightening a bit, and waited for me to continue.

"I don't want to do that anymore. Even though you're leaving, I don't want to spend one more minute denying how I feel about you. I want us to have a chance. I don't want to deny us the opportunity to be together just to avoid getting hurt. Because even when you leave and I'm devastated, it will still have been worth it to me to have been with you."

He moved toward me, his eyes brightened with relief. When he was standing just inches from me, he moved his hand up to my neck and ran his fingers through the hair on the back of my neck.

"I can understand why it's hard for you to trust me. But I swear I've never felt this way about anyone. No one makes me feel the way you do. You _can_ trust me. Give me a chance, and I'll prove it to you. I won't hurt you." He brought his lips down and lightly kissed my cheek.

"I want that," I whispered. "I want you."

He breathed lightly as his nose brushed over my cheek, as if taking in my scent. Slowly, he moved his lips to mine and gave me a kiss. I felt my desire building, and I brought my hands around his neck and pulled him closer to me as I deepened the kiss.

He responded swiftly by moving his hands down to my back, turning me around and backing me up against the door, not breaking our kiss.

He leaned his weight into me as his hands continued to roam my body.

"I've missed this so much." His voice was deep and rough.

"Me too." I threw my head back against the door as he assaulted my neck. It felt incredible to be in his arms again.

"You drive me crazy," he murmured in my ear in between kisses.

"Mmhm, you feel so good."

He paused and looked at me intensely. "I should warn you. I know I said I'd be patient, but I don't think I can control myself for very long. Not if you keep kissing me the way you are."

"I don't want you to control yourself," I said, as I clawed his back attempting to bring him as close to me as I could.

"Fuck, Bella," he growled loudly.

One of his hands immediately went to his pants as he frantically untied them and worked them off his body, releasing his erection. My eyes widened in appreciation as I simultaneously unbuttoned my jeans and slid them off. His other hand was on the door by my head as he leaned into me, sucking and kissing my neck.

His hands, now free, grabbed me by the thighs and lifted me up allowing me to wrap my legs around him. I could feel his hardness against me, and I ground into his hips. Edward hissed at the contact with the heated flesh between my legs. Our lips met, and I kissed him deeply, allowing his tongue to glide in and out of my mouth.

"I want to feel every inch of you. I need to be inside you," Edward groaned as he positioned himself at my entrance. His breath was deep and sweat was forming on his forehead. We groaned into each other's mouths both needing to be closer.

"Fuck…condom…"

"We don't need one," I said, grinding hard into him, his tip just barely penetrating me.

He moaned loudly at the sensation.

"Wha…What? Why not?"

"I'm on the pill, and I don't want there to be anything between us. Not anymore."

"Are you sure?" he asked, sweetly trailing kisses over my cheeks and neck.

"Positive. I want to feel every inch of you, too."

"Jesus Christ, Bella, you're killing me." He moaned loudly as he drove himself fully into me, using the leverage of the wall to help hold me up.

"Fuck…you feel so good… please don't stop…"

We were frantic with need for each other. This was the culmination of all the frustration we'd felt since New York. His body was shaking as he forcefully thrust into me, burying himself deep inside of me, claiming me as his. We were not making love, we were fucking, and I loved every minute of it.

My hands fisted into his hair, and I met each thrust with a moan of pleasure. I felt my orgasm approaching and ground desperately into him to gain the needed friction. As if reading my actions, Edward reached in between us and rubbed, and I exploded into a state of bliss. His body stilled with one final thrust, and he threw his head forward onto my shoulder and groaned loudly as he spilled into me, my body drinking from him.

"Oh God…I…couldn't wait…I had to…have you," he stammered out in between heavy pants.

"So good, Edward. So good," I whispered in his ear.

"I'm not done with you - not by a long shot." His voice was seductive and smooth.

He carried me down the hallway, my legs and arms wrapped around him as I kissed his neck.

When we got into his room, he put me down on my feet but didn't let go of me. His hands moved to the bottom of my shirt, which he promptly pulled up and over my head, his eyes never leaving mine except when necessary.

Needing bodily contact, I pressed my chest against his, and we kissed passionately. I was getting wound tighter and tighter, and I wanted more of him, despite my mind-blowing orgasm a few minutes before. He leaned down and kissed my shoulders and the exposed skin above my breasts as he reached around and unclasped my bra.

"So beautiful," he whispered.

His hands didn't stop caressing me, and we were both breathing heavily, wild with desire. He backed me up until we both fell onto the bed. He lay on top of me and began to kiss my neck as his hand pulled my leg around his waist and gripped the outside of my thigh. I could feel his cock hardening again as he ground his hips firmly into me, creating a wonderful friction.

"Can you feel that? Do you see what you do to me?" he said as he began licking a trail down my neck.

"As a matter of fact, I don't see. Mind if I have a look?" I flashed a devious smile.

His sexy crooked grin overtook his face, and he moved off to my side to lie on his back. Taking my hand in his, he guided my hand to his hard cock.

"By all means. Take all the time you need."

_God, that smile is fucking sexy._

I kissed my way down his chest and stomach, my tongue tracing his abs, as my hand stroked his length. His back arched in response.

As my kisses neared his hips, I let go of his erection and began to firmly grab the back of his thighs and ass, pulling his hips toward my face.

He groaned at the lost contact, and I smiled against his skin.

I looked up into his eyes. His lips were pursed, and his face was taut with need. I understood how he felt. My mouth was watering with anticipation, but I really wanted him to enjoy this.

"Let me do this my way. You just relax."

With my hands massaging the top of his thighs, my mouth inched toward his cock, planting kisses along the way. He propped himself on his elbows, watching me closely in anticipation of what I was preparing to do. One hand reached out to stroke my hair.

I gently licked the base of him, and he bucked his hips instinctively.

"Fuuccckkk," he moaned.

"Mmmm, do you like that?" I continued to lick him as I waited for a response.

"Fuck…you have no idea," he groaned, throwing his head back and gripping the sheets.

I took him in my mouth, my hands to gripping the base of him that didn't fit. He tasted salty and sweet. I was more brazen than usual with Edward, but I had never felt more free and yet powerless at the same time. I gave myself over to him completely - to my need to please him.

I wanted to devour him and make him squirm under my touch. I began to move him in and out of my mouth, my hand stroking his length and my tongue darting out to circle his tip. His hands threaded into my hair, gently guiding my actions.

I loved hearing his moans and pants as I worked on him.

"Bella," he growled through clenched teeth. "I need to be inside you again. Now."

Without another warning, he grabbed me and rolled me over so I was on my back beneath him. His lips kissed me fervently as our tongues danced and our bodies became entangled. We were less urgent than before, wanting to fully appreciate each other.

He spread my legs and settled himself between them. Smiling, he brought his body down to mine, resting his weight on me. He gave me another kiss as he reached down and positioned himself. With a quick thrust, he pushed into me eliciting a deep moan from both of us.

"Oh God, you feel so good." His face reflected his words.

Encouraged by his reaction, I wrapped my legs tightly around him, needing him to move inside of me. He obliged, and we moved in a sweet, yet frenzied rhythm with each other, both striving to be as close as possible.

I dug my nails into his back and my heels into the back of his legs in an attempt to bring him even closer into my body. He moved easily over me as our heated bodies were slick with sweat.

He lifted his head, and I saw his beautiful face deep in concentration. His brow furrowed and his mouth opened slightly allowing the sexiest noises and pants to escape. His movement continued, and I could tell we were both approaching our releases.

"I'm…so close," I said, panting loudly.

Knowing what I needed, he increased his speed and intensity, grinding his hips into me until I screamed as my orgasm tore through me. He kept pumping into me as I shuddered, and within a few thrusts he exploded into me in his own release, my name a chant on his lips.

He lowered his body onto mine and tucked his face into my neck, out of breath.

"I've never felt anything so good," he whispered into my ear.

"God, Edward. I've never wanted anyone so badly," I said, as I peppered his face with kisses and moved to sit up.

"Please don't move yet. I want to feel you for just another minute."

I complied and sank back into Edward's arms, feeling satiated and blissful.

"Bella, I love you so much. I never believed it could be like this."

I ran my fingers through his hair and gazed adoringly up at him.

"To think I thought this night would end in ultimate rejection. I'm so happy it didn't. I don't want this to end."

"It doesn't have to end, baby," he said, squeezing me tightly.

I smiled at his use of the word baby. It sounded so right coming from him.

"You do realize now that I have you back in my bed, I'm never going to let you leave," he said while he placed gentle little kisses on my cheeks.

I had no doubt about his sincerity. Any lingering concerns I had earlier about his intentions were gone. I could see and feel his love for me.

We got cleaned up and snuggled back into bed. I lay comfortably in the crook of his shoulder, our limbs completely entangled.

"I was worried you weren't going to give me a chance," he said, playing with my hair.

"I'm sorry I made you doubt my feelings. I was just so confused. But when I got home I realized the only thing keeping me from you was fear. I was so afraid of getting hurt that I was willing to risk losing you. I knew I would always regret it if I didn't at least give things a try."

"I'll be good to you. I promise." He kissed my forehead softly.

"I know you will."

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**A/N: I thought you guys could use a little lemony goodness! So now it's really all out there and they're together – at least for the next month. They'll have to start figuring out what's going to happen when he moves! Next up, a little fun! **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, and ellierk, Sunfeathers, and Dana1779 for pre-reading. **

**Thanks to GreenEyedGirl17 for the awesome rec! I appreciate it very much! **

**I'm on a jury this week, so my review replies may be a little slow, but I promise I'm reading them and will eventually respond! Next chapter will be up on Saturday. **


	20. Chapter 20 Bliss

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 20: Bliss**

**Edward**

The sun came in my room and woke me up early. I rolled over on my side to see Bella still asleep next to me. My heart pounded at the sight of seeing her sleeping form still in my bed, and it took a moment to really sink in. I'd never been happy about seeing a woman in my bed in the morning before Bella.

After dinner last night, I came home and felt so lonely without Bella. I was glad I told her how I felt but sad I couldn't just scoop her up and make her see I was being sincere. Her reaction to my confession had me hopeful because she hadn't rejected me completely. She had feelings for me, too. I just hoped that was enough.

I knew she had trust issues with me, which I could understand. I needed to prove to her I could be trusted to be the kind of man she deserved. I thought maybe she just needed a little time and some positive persuading, so I was shocked when showed up at my house. It was the last thing I expected.

I didn't know what to think at first, but then she started telling me her feelings for me, and I was completely fucking ecstatic. I couldn't even respond for the longest time; I just listened and absorbed what she said.

I didn't think it would matter much what I said. I had to show her with my actions how much I loved and cherished her.

When I kissed her, I knew my self-control was completely gone. My desire for her took over, and I was in a frenzy to have her. I couldn't help myself. It had been far too long since I had touched her or kissed her, and I wasn't willing to waste another minute.

I pressed her back against the wall and fucked her hard. I wanted to be gentle and loving, but my body just took over. It was the first time I had been with anyone without a condom on, and the feeling of having no barrier between us was indescribable.

I carried her into my bedroom with her legs wrapped tightly around me and quickly stripped off the rest of her clothes. I was so desperate to have her again and couldn't stop kissing her. She was playful with me as she sucked and kissed all over my body.

I couldn't wait any longer to be with her, so I pulled her to me and we made love passionately. It was so sweet and yet so frantic, both of us urgent, needy, demanding. She gave herself completely over to me, and I wanted to give her as much pleasure as I could.

Once we were both completely exhausted and lay in bed, I tried to address her fears. I wanted her to know I was serious about us and would never hurt her. I had never felt anything like I did when I was with Bella. Of course, I knew people who were 'in love', but I didn't have any concept of what that meant until I was with her. I couldn't give her up. I meant it when I said I was never going to let her leave.

We had fallen asleep in each other's arms, and I couldn't recall a time when I slept better.

As I watched her sleeping form next to me, I noticed how the sunlight bounced off her hair, making certain pieces look almost red. She was lying on her side, facing away from me, her hair splayed out on the pillow in front of me. The sheets were at her waist and her naked skin appeared to glow.

The curve of her hip and the dip at her waist were accentuated by the way she was laying on her side. Her small, delicate body looked wholly feminine and delicious. I had never seen anything so beautiful.

My body reacted immediately at the sight of her, and I could feel my arousal tenting the sheet.

I moved closer to her and began to run my fingers up and down her side along her curves. She stirred under my touch and moaned lightly but still stayed asleep. Her sexy little moans and squirms under my touch didn't help my predicament.

I continued my touches as I lightly kissed the crook of her neck and shoulders. My chest was completely against her back, and I maneuvered my leg in between hers, pushing my erection into her backside. It reminded me of our first time in New York and how crazy I was for her.

She rolled over on her back, separating us slightly and gazed up at me, still half asleep. I was still on my side and moved my hand up to brush her cheek.

"Morning," she sighed as she shifted toward me, bringing her arms around my neck.

"Sorry I woke you up. I couldn't help myself," I replied, smiling widely as I leaned in to kiss her. I was hard and horny, and although it may not have been appropriate, I wanted her.

"I'll never complain about being woken up like that," she said, smiling.

Maybe she was just as horny as I was.

"Let me at least brush my teeth. Do you have a toothbrush I can use?" she asked, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I can try not to kiss you," I said with a chuckle. "Although I doubt a little morning breath could stop me. There's nothing about you that could ever turn me off."

"Okay, but don't say you weren't warned." She pulled her hand off her face and threw it around my back.

"Well then, allow me to continue…" I said as I bent down and kissed her neck. She moved her hands to my hair, pulling me on top of her.

"Mmm, this is a very nice way to start off the day." Her fingers massaged my scalp, urging me on.

I pressed my hips into her, revealing just how much she affected me.

"I see someone's ready to go already," Bella said playfully.

"I've been ready for a while. It's not easy watching you sleep while in this condition." I glanced down toward my now aching erection.

"Well, we'll have to do something about that, won't we?"

I couldn't agree more.

I moved her legs apart and positioned myself in between them, kissing her neck and gently sucking her earlobe between my teeth. I trailed kisses down to her breasts, encircling and lightly flicking each of her nipples with my tongue. She arched her back and let out more of her sexy moans and pants.

"Looks like I'm not the only one who's ready," I teased, tracing my fingers between her legs. I could feel her arousal, hot and wet and beckoning.

I sat upright with Bella still lying down and gently stroked the tip of my erection over her entrance, licking my lips. "Tell me what you want." I wanted to hear her say it.

"I want to feel you. All of you," she said as she moved her hands above her head and spread her legs wider, fully opening herself up to me.

_Fuck. That's my girl._

I slowly eased into her, causing her back to arch and her eyes to close. My movement started out slowly as I wanted to be loving and tender with her, but my desire was building, and it was hard not to ravage her.

I wanted more of her. I needed more of her.

I lifted one of her legs up to my shoulder and began to kiss it lightly as I thrust into her. The position allowed me to penetrate her deeply, which fueled my passion for her even more and almost made me lose control.

"You're mine. Only mine," I said. I was beginning to feel animalistic and possessive.

"Yes, baby. I'm yours," she breathed.

_Baby? God, that's sexy._

"I don't know if I can hold back anymore. I want to be gentle, but…fuck…there are things I want to do with you." I slowed my pace, trying to maintain control. I hoped she'd be willing to try something new with me.

"What did you have in mind?" she asked, gently biting her bottom lip.

_Jesus Christ. Not the lip-biting._

"I'll show you."

I pulled out of her, immediately missing the contact. I quickly flipped her over so she was on her knees. I was on my knees behind her and pulled her hips toward me to give me access.

"Hold on to the headboard," I instructed, guiding her hands forward as I leaned down and kissed her back.

She complied and looked over her shoulder seductively.

"Remember the last time you took me like this? In New York?"

"I do." Of course I did. It had been the source of many fantasies.

"It was fucking incredible. You set a pretty high standard; do you think you can live up to that?" She was so playful and open with me. It was driving me crazy.

"Don't worry about me, baby," I said through clenched teeth as I roughly thrust into her. "I'm up for the challenge."

"Oh God…ah…harder…"

"Fuck, I can feel every inch of you like this."

I completely let go and continued to pump into her, loving the way her body responded to mine. She tilted her hips back and pressed her perfect little ass into me, pushing against the headboard. With each thrust, she moaned as I filled her completely.

Without warning, she let go of the headboard and pushed herself up so she was sitting upright, straddling my knees, her back against my chest. Bella taking control was a huge turn on.

I grabbed her hips to give her stability as she grabbed my cock and guided it to her. She sank down until she was fully seated on me, my hands guiding her. We both moaned at the new position and the depth it allowed. She threw her head back on my shoulder as I kissed, licked and gently nipped her exposed neck and shoulder.

I wrapped one arm around her waist, the other hand still gripping her hip as she moved up and down on my cock. I could see the reflection of us in the mirror on my closet door. She looked fucking beautiful riding me.

"Do you see how perfectly we fit together?" I whispered into her shoulder as I pointed to the mirror.

"You make me feel so good," she moaned.

She was completely uninhibited. Her chin was raised and her lips parted slightly. Her perfect breasts bounced with each movement. I couldn't help but reach up to caress them as she continued gliding on top of me. She reached her hand down and moved it slowly up and down her heated flesh. I could feel her fingers graze where we were joined as she let her hand run wild. Watching her touch herself had to be the sexiest thing I had ever fucking seen.

"Jesus, Bella… fuuuck." My words sounded strangled.

I could feel her legs and stomach tense as she got close to her release. I pumped into her as hard as I could, trying to get as deep as possible. She continued touching herself the way she needed until she finally screamed out in ecstasy, which drove me over the edge as well. I clutched her tightly as I spilled into her, my body trembling.

We both collapsed onto the bed, gasping and completely spent but eventually turning face to face on our sides.

"That was…incredible," I said, lightly playing with her hair. "I wanted to make it soft and gentle, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted to make love to you, which I've never wanted to do before. It was always just physical. But with you, it's always been so much more. I can't explain it."

"I know. I feel it, too. You were wonderful." She smiled as she leaned in to kiss me.

"Wonderful, huh? Like New York wonderful?" I asked, teasingly, lightening the mood.

"You didn't disappoint - not that I thought you would," she said as she smiled back at me, making me swell with pride. She had a way of knowing the perfect things to say and do to me. She was so giving. I was suddenly worried I was being a selfish bastard in the way I'd handled her.

"I'm sorry if I got a little rough last night and this morning." I didn't want her to think I was some sort of pervert.

"Don't even think of apologizing. I love it when you get all caveman on me. Trust me, there is nothing sexier. In case you didn't notice, I enjoyed the hell out of it, so please don't feel bad. I'm not a porcelain doll; I won't break."

I rubbed her arms lightly. "I know that. It's just… I love you, and I don't ever want to hurt you. I only want you to feel pleasure when we're together. "

"People in love can, and do, have rough sex, you know? I want to please you, too, and I'm willing try new things. I want you to know all of me and vice versa. Don't be afraid to tell me what you want, okay? I won't be offended, don't worry." She averted my gaze by tracing circles on my chest with her fingers. Her blush betrayed her confident words. I thought it was adorable.

"I'd like that, too," I replied, pulling her up to sit on the bed. "Let's shower. What do you say?"

"Sounds perfect." She took my outstretched hand, and I helped her to stand.

I loved that Bella could be sweet and demure one minute and then a complete vixen the next. She was unpredictable, and it was extremely sexy. Being friends for so long, I knew she was flirty and spontaneous, but I was surprised at how uninhibited she was. She trusted me with her body, and I loved exploring every inch of it.

We got into the shower and let the water cascade over us. My hands roamed her back as we kissed and hugged each other.

"It's amazing the difference a day makes. I was anxious getting into the shower yesterday, but today I'm really happy." I pulled her even closer to my body. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you, too," she said with a sigh, her cheek pressed to my chest.

We finished showering, gently washing as our bodies glided against each other's soapy skin. I felt more connected to her than I ever had. It was amazing to me that the simple act of washing could convey so much emotion. I wanted to take care of her, to cherish her, to make her feel loved.

I got out first and wrapped a towel around my waist, and then helped Bella out and wrapped her in a thick towel. Back in my bedroom, I gave her one of my t-shirts to throw on. She was sexy as hell in my t-shirt and I pulled her into a hug.

"I have a confession to make. I've thought of you every day since we got back from New York. We had so much fun together, even doing the simplest things. I've missed that. Of course, I haven't been able to get our extra-curricular activities out of my mind, either. I've woken up every morning with a huge hard on from my dreams of being with you."

She smiled at me and rubbed her hands up and down my back.

"I've had my fair share of sexual frustration myself," she said, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Have you now?"

"Well, you're kind of hard to forget."

There was something that had been bothering me, and now was as good a time as any to ask her about it. "Can I ask you something?" I pulled her back slowly to look at her face.

She looked worried. "Sure. Anything."

"When did you go on the pill?"

"After we got back from New York. Why?"

"Oh yeah, for Jake?" I asked, breaking eye contact and looking down at the floor. The thought of them together infuriated me. I wanted to hunt him down and tear him apart limb from limb, even though I knew it was completely unreasonable.

"No, Edward. It wasn't for Jake. He and I were never intimate with each other. I didn't want him like that. I guess I just didn't want to be caught off guard like I was in New York." She played with the hair on my chest to avoid eye contact.

My heart did a happy dance knowing she'd done it for me. She anticipated us being together again, and that made me really fucking happy. I knew I had no right to my feelings, but I was so fucking thankful she hadn't slept with Jake. The thought had made me insane with jealousy.

"I'm glad it was for me and not Jake. It was hard for me to think about you being with him in that way," I confessed.

"You don't have anything to be jealous of. I never wanted him like I want you." She pulled me against her.

"I'm happy you thought enough about us to do that. I liked not having anything in between us. You felt incredible," I said, lifting her chin to look at me.

She dropped her eyes suddenly and began to shift her weight, looking distraught about something. "Can I ask you something? I know you have to get tested working at the hospital, and I know how responsible you are…" Her brow furrowed and she looked worried "…I realize it's a little late, and I already think I know the answer, but I guess I should still ask. You're clean, right?"

"Yes, I'm clean. I would never put you at risk. I guess the stuff I've learned in med school makes me hyper aware of that kind of stuff. It's not worth the risk, even if it wasn't required by my job."

"Sorry I have such bad timing," she sighed.

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry that you even had to ask." My past made me feel dirty, and I didn't like it.

"I know you were jealous of Jake, but you don't have to be. I don't want anyone else but you. And it's hard for me, too. I can be jealous, too, you know?"

"You don't have anyone to be jealous of. I don't want anyone else."

"It's just…all those other girls…I always had a hard time understanding why you never had a relationship with any of them. Some of them were so pretty and perfect. How can I compare? How can I be enough for you?"

I wanted to tell her they were the ones who couldn't compare. They hadn't meant anything to me, and she meant everything.

"Sometimes I've questioned myself about my choices. It was easy to make the excuse that I was too busy. But now, I know why I never wanted a commitment until now. Those other girls - they weren't you," I said, trying to ease her insecurities. "Bella, I love you. You're beautiful and smart and the only one I want. I'll be faithful to you, I promise."

"I love you too, Edward. Very much." Her eyes pierced mine, and I could see the sincerity of her words.

My heart soared. She loved me.

I hugged her tightly. "You have no idea how happy you just made me."

"You have my heart. All of it."

"That's all I want. And you have mine." I couldn't hide my happiness.

I would do everything in my power to help erase any doubts she had about me, about her, about us. Even though there were obstacles for us to overcome, there was no doubt in my mind we were meant for each other.

* * *

**A/N: I thought you guys could use a little fluffy, lemony goodness. Not PWP, but close! I hope the ILY's were what you expected. Next up, they deal with the move. **

**Many thanks to my peeps this week for making me feel better about everything. **

**Please leave me some love! **


	21. Chapter 21 San Diego

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter 21: San Diego**

**Edward**

I had been running around all morning finalizing the details of my upcoming trip to San Diego. I was only going for a few days to find a place to live before I officially moved the following month, but it seemed like there was a ton of stuff to do in preparation.

I walked into the small café and looked around for Bella. Things between us had been amazing since we reconciled last week. I was late for our lunch date due to an abnormally long delay on the phone with the airline. I hated being late, especially since Bella was on her lunch break and would have limited time.

I finally saw her sitting at a table by the side window and rushed over to her. She smiled brightly when she saw me and stood up to kiss me when I got close.

She looked absolutely stunning. She had on a fitted, sleeveless, navy blue dress that stopped right above her knees. It hugged her curves and accentuated her gorgeous body. Her hair was pulled back in the front but hung loosely in the back.

"Hi babe," I said as I leaned in for a kiss. "Sorry I'm late. It's been a hectic morning."

"It's okay. I just got here anyway. So, what's had you so busy this morning?"

She reached across the table and grabbed my hands, her thumbs rubbing circles in my palms.

"I decided to go to San Diego this weekend to look for a place to live." I was excited about my plans, but it was bittersweet.

Her face fell slightly, hinting at her disappointment.

I pulled my hands away and reached into my pocket, grabbing a folded piece of paper. I laid it on the table and slid it across to her.

"What's this?" she asked, looking confused.

"Open it." I nodded toward the paper on the table.

She took it and unfolded it, taking care to inspect it as she went.

"An itinerary?" she asked.

"Yes. Yours. I want you come with me," I said, smiling as I waited for her response.

"Are you serious?" She looked shocked.

"Absolutely, I'd love it if you'd help me find a place to live. I want you to be a part of it. Plus, the weather is great so it'll be like a mini vacation."

I hoped she'd be willing to come with me. Not only would I miss her if she didn't, but I wanted the place I lived to feel like a second home for her. I didn't know what was going to happen, but I wanted Bella in my new life, and this was the first step.

"That sounds like fun, but are you sure?"

I couldn't read her facial expression, which worried me. "Of course I'm sure. I want you there."

She smiled, putting me at ease."Okay, then I'd love to go. We could use a little time away again."

I smirked at her. "Yeah, we do tend to make the most of vacations."

"Yes, we do." This time she smirked back at me.

* * *

As we were landing in San Diego, I looked out the window at what would become my new home, and it looked foreign – nothing was familiar. I wondered if I would enjoy the city and my new job. It all seemed incomprehensible.

Bella was a huge comfort, and I was really glad she came. I needed her here. I hadn't let myself think about actually moving until this point, and it suddenly seemed to real, making me anxious. We landed mid-morning on Friday, so the sun was hot as it danced across the water. I quickly gathered our stuff, got the rental car situated, and, after a few wrong turns, we were on our way to the hotel.

It was warm and sunny, something we weren't used to in Seattle, so we put the top down on our convertible, fully taking in the scenery. I loved watching Bella as the wind whipped the tendrils of her hair that had escaped her ponytail. She smiled into the warm breeze and closed her eyes as if she didn't have a care in the world. I loved seeing her so carefree. I really hoping she liked San Diego. Hell, I hoped I did, too.

I found a great hotel, located right on the bay, with sweeping views of the bay. The view from our room was no exception. The bay was calm, and boats sailed peacefully along the water. The sun glistened and reflected off the water, looking like crystals. There were no waves, and the water lapped gently along the shore. Behind the hotel along the shoreline, there was a boardwalk that stretched the entire length of the bay and people were jogging and biking by. It was exactly how I pictured it to be.

"This place is beautiful," Bella said as she took in the sights from the balcony of our room.

"You're beautiful." I slipped my arms around her as I stood behind her.

She hummed and leaned back against me. It was really peaceful.

"I'm so glad you're here with me, Bella," I said as I kissed the top of her head.

Her hair smelled sweet, and I buried my face in it to take it all in. She shimmied closer to me, rubbing against my body. The caveman in me wanted to throw Bella down on the bed and take her right then, but I knew I should wait.

"Mmm, me too." she mumbled as she rested her head back against my shoulder.

"Since it's early, I thought we could grab some lunch, and then I have a surprise for you." I was excited to visit the places I'd researched and heard about.

"A surprise? Oh no." She looked concerned as she turned around to face me, still locked in my arms.

"Trust me. It's a fun surprise," I said, kissing her nose. "You'll need to change clothes, though. You're gonna be hot."

She acquiesced, which I knew she hated to do given her feelings about surprises, and changed into a sundress and sandals. I put on some shorts and a t-shirt, and we headed out.

There was a restaurant across the street from the hotel that the concierge had recommended. Instead of being on the bay, it was on the ocean, and the waves crashed into the shore, giving it just as spectacular a view as we had from the hotel. The beach was filled with people, all bronzed and relaxed. There was a boardwalk on the ocean side, too, and we watched the eclectic mix of people pass by as we ate.

"Are you ready for your surprise?" I asked, smirking at Bella across the table.

"This isn't it?" she asked, confused.

"Nope. I have something else."

She laughed nervously. "Okay, I have faith in you."

"I found out about a bar right on the bay where they have live music in the afternoons. It's all outside, so we can enjoy the weather. The band today is a reggae band called Common Sense. I looked them up online, and they look pretty good, and since I know you're all about reggae, I thought you'd love it. Plus, we can also take a boat there from the dock behind our hotel." I waited to see her response. It wasn't a big deal, but I thought she'd like it.

"Are you kidding? How fun! You really went to a lot of trouble for this trip. Thanks for doing that," she said enthusiastically. "But, what about house hunting? Wasn't that the point of this trip?"

"We'll do that tomorrow. I want us to relax today. It's important to me that you like San Diego. If I'm going to be here, I want you here, too." I took her hands across the table, and she gave me a warm smile.

I had several condos lined up for us to check out the following day. Normally I hated doing stuff like this, but I looked forward to going out with Bella as a couple and getting her opinion on the living arrangements. I was hoping it would help me make my case for her joining me frequently, if not permanently.

We hadn't talked about what would happen when I moved other than a few casual mentions. It was the elephant in the room, but I didn't really know how to handle it. I wanted desperately to have her move to San Diego with me, but I didn't know if I had a right to ask that. I didn't know how to bring it up considering we hadn't been together that long. It was either she moved or we had a long distance relationship, which would be less than ideal. The timing couldn't have been worse. I felt like I had finally gotten what I wanted, and it was going to be taken away from me.

She looked down at our joined hands and sighed lightly.

"Edward…I can't…" her brow creased "…I want this weekend to be fun. Can we just have fun?"

We couldn't put that conversation off forever, but I could let it go for the time being. I wanted her to enjoy this day, so I dropped it. Still, her reluctance worried me.

We passed through the lobby of the hotel and out onto the docks where the boat that would take us to the bar would be pulling in any minute. The water taxi arrived, and we had to laugh. It was an old paddle-wheel boat like you'd see on the Mississippi River and seemed hopelessly out of place in San Diego. It had two levels, and we climbed to the top deck.

We held onto the railing, with me hugging her from behind as the boat crept across the bay, making a few stops along the way. San Diego was a nice enough city, but it didn't matter much to me as I was quickly realizing my home was with Bella.

We finally arrived at the dock across the bay, and the sound of reggae music permeated the air. Bella was like a child in line at Disneyland, bouncing up and down with the music as we made our way up the dock to the entrance. It felt good to accomplish my mission of seeing her relaxed and happy, and her enthusiasm rubbed off on me.

The bar was all outside and had thatch roof umbrellas located all around to provide shade from the intense heat. Sand covered the floor, and we had to take off our shoes to walk comfortably. It looked like it could have been located somewhere in the Caribbean.

We grabbed some drinks and made our way to a table by the dance floor.

The afternoon was spent lounging and dancing in the sun, while listening to the live music. The band was really good, and even when we weren't dancing, we thoroughly enjoyed the music. The bay was right behind the stage and provided the ideal backdrop as the sun sank in the sky.

Exhausted from being in the sun all day, we returned to our hotel to get ready for dinner.

"Care to join me in the shower?" I asked Bella playfully. I could definitely get a second wind if she joined me.

"Absolutely. Do you think I'd pass up an opportunity to see you naked?" She walked past me toward the bathroom, pulling her dress over her head as she walked. I followed her like a puppy, gawking at how beautiful and confident she was.

We finished stripping and showered, caressing each other gently. It wasn't about the sex, but more about the touching. I felt loved and wanted to shower her with love as well. What should have been a ten-minute shower was stretched out to almost thirty minutes as we kissed and held each other under the guise of getting clean.

Bella locked herself in the bathroom to get ready for dinner, and after spending an ungodly amount of time, she emerged. The end result made the wait completely worthwhile. She looked stunning, and it took my breath away.

She was wearing an emerald green, sleeveless dress that set off her sun-kissed skin beautifully. Her cheeks and shoulders had a slightly red tint from the sun – just enough to make her look healthy and flushed. The dress was short and showed off her toned legs.

We took a cab to a restaurant I found online, not wanting to drive and deal with parking in a strange place. The pictures didn't do it justice. It sat right along the water's edge on the bay downtown with a view of the city skyline and the ships on Coronado Island. The lights of the buildings and the aircraft carriers reflected in the water.

We were seated at a table by the window and ordered a bottle of wine.

I looked into her eyes. "This is going to sound really corny, but I'm really happy. It's still hard for me to accept. I mean, I spent all this time as just your friend, and I wish I'd made a move sooner. I honestly never knew I could be this happy."

She raised her glass to mine in a toast.

"I'm happy, too. I've done a lot of thinking about things with us. Probably more than you realize. And I'm just so thankful you opened my eyes to what is possible and that you persevered through all my doubts."

"You were worth it. I love you, Bella. More than I ever thought I could love anyone. I didn't ever think I could feel this way." I fidgeted with my wine glass, unused to spilling my emotions so openly.

"I love you, too." She was looking down as well. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

I wanted to ask her once again to move to San Diego with me, but I didn't feel like the timing was right and, honestly, I was scared she'd say no.

"I don't want to be without you." It was the one thing that scared me about this move. It pained me to think of leaving her. Part of me was worried I'd lose her, but the thought was so upsetting I wouldn't allow myself to think about it. I had to hold onto hope.

"Hey," she said softly, her gaze sincere and encouraging. "I don't want to spend the time we have left together being sad. We'll figure it all , you've worked so hard for this, and I'm so proud of you. Let's focus on why we're here. I want to celebrate your accomplishment, not worry about everything."

I was struck at how selfless she was by thinking about me in all of this, and all I wanted in that moment was to see her happy. "Okay, let's just enjoy this night."

We spent the rest of dinner talking effortlessly about everything except what we really needed to discuss. We joked and laughed like we always did. Everything had been so natural and easy between us since we had given in to our feelings. It was surprising to me because I'd never experienced anything like it, but being a couple had only enhanced what we had. It was perfect.

As we walked into the hotel room after dinner, I dropped the rental car keys on table, making a loud crashing sound. Bella walked past me and fell onto the bed, kicking off her shoes and lying back onto the plush comforter, exhausted.

"I'm so tired." She sighed and stretched her arms above her head.

"Me, too. It was a long day." I unbuttoned and removed my shirt as I crossed the room toward her.

I sat down on the bed, kicked off my shoes and pulled off my pants, leaving only my boxers. I lay down next to her and kissed her gently.

"You give the best kisses," she whispered as her hands came up into my hair.

"Let me help you with that dress," I said, lifting her up so I could reach the zipper in the back.

I slowly pulled the zipper down, revealing her creamy back to me. I slid the dress off her shoulders, kissing as I went. Once she was out of the dress, she walked over to my suitcase and fumbled through it, wearing only a lacy bra and g-string underwear. I suddenly didn't feel as exhausted as I felt a minute ago.

She finally found a t-shirt of mine and slid it on over her head. It fell loosely to her thighs. I liked seeing her in it almost as much as the bra and panties that preceded it. Almost.

Obviously noticing my reaction, she asked, "Do you mind if I wear this?" Then she pulled that magic trick that all girls know how to do - getting her bra off without taking off her shirt. I really loved that trick. There was something undeniably sexy about knowing she had nothing on underneath.

"Do I mind? Hell no! You look hot in my shirt. You can wear it anytime," I replied, lying on the bed with my hands behind my head, staring at her.

"It's just so hot, and everything I have is so restrictive." She walked into the bathroom, grabbed a clip and threw her hair up loosely.

"Like I said, it's more than fine with me." I propped myself up on my elbows. "Come over here. You're too far away."

I patted the bed next to me, and she crawled up on her hands and knees, looking sexy as hell.

My legs were outstretched on the bed as she straddled me. Her arms came to rest on my shoulders as her hands clasped behind my neck, resting her forehead against mine. I was certain she could feel my obvious arousal as I noted how quickly my body responded to her.

"You've got to be the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen. Do you know that?" she asked, smiling, as she ran her hands through my hair.

"I'm glad you think so." I felt elated that my girl thought I was so attractive.

"I do. All those other girls can eat their hearts out." She rubbed against me in the most delicious way.

"Baby, I'm all yours." I sighed, not able to resist kissing her neck and softly rubbing her back.

"Yes, you are, and don't you forget it."

She slowly moved her hips, grinding into me in response to my kisses. My cock was throbbing in my boxers. She was so tantalizing, and my body ached for her.

"Let me make love to you," I whispered, my breaths shallow.

"I'd love nothing better than for you to make me yours," she replied, continuing her hip movements.

I reached down for the hem of her shirt and lifted it off her, revealing her beautiful breasts.

Moving her off to my side, I hitched my thumb under the waistband of her panties and lowered them, her knees bending to help me. She pulled my boxers off, and we were both completely naked.

I rolled over her so she was beneath me, my weight resting on my elbows. Using my knee, I pushed her legs apart and positioned myself between them.

She wrapped her arms and legs around my back and pulled me close for a deep kiss.

"I want you inside of me," she whispered into my ear.

Needing the same thing, I slowly pushed into her, reveling in the feeling of being completely enveloped by her heat. Her body, slick with arousal, grasped my cock tightly, taking any semblance of self-control that I had left.

"So good," she murmured, lost in the moment.

Our bodies moved in a steady rhythm with each other, pushing and pulling, demanding release. I felt her walls tighten around my cock, and I knew she was close. Continuing to slide in and out of her, I watched as she exploded from the force of her orgasm. The sight of her sent me spiraling over the edge, and I exploded into her.

"Jesus Christ! That was so intense." I could barely speak through my gritted teeth.

"Have I told you how much I love you today?" she asked, still flush from her orgasm.

"Not enough, baby. I love hearing you say it."

She put her hand up to my cheek and turned my face to look directly into her eyes. Her eyes were burning into mine.

"I love you, Edward."

I'd never get tired of hearing that.

"I love you too, Bella."

I kissed her softly as she got up to go to the bathroom, grabbing my t-shirt on the way.

When she returned, she snuggled up close to me and rubbed my chest gently as I closed my eyes.

"I wish I could stay like this all night, but I'm exhausted. Plus, we have a busy day tomorrow."

"I know. It's just so nice to lay with you. You make me really happy."

I could quickly feel her breathing slow. She lay asleep on my chest as I caressed her hair and gently rubbed her back.

She belonged here in my arms.

* * *

**A/N: So, we're getting somewhere. I hope you enjoyed this one! **

**Thanks to my peeps this week – Viola Cornuta, my beta, and ellierk, Dana1779 and Sunfeathers, my pre-readers. You guys make this worth it. **

**Please leave me some love. I love reading all your reviews! It's the only way I know you're reading!**

**Next up, house hunting…**


	22. Chapter 22 House Hunting

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

**Chapter 22: House Hunting**

**Bella**

I woke up to a cool breeze blowing on my body, which had been uncovered at some point during my sleep. My arm reached over to the other side of the bed to find Edward, but he wasn't there.

I sat up and glanced around the room, seeking him out. The curtains were billowing in the breeze, and the sliding glass door to the balcony was open. Edward was sitting with his feet propped up on the railing, reading the newspaper.

I threw on his shirt, which hung loosely down my thighs and walked out onto the balcony.

"Morning baby," I said as I leaned down to kiss him, my arms resting on his chest.

He leaned his head back in his chair. "Morning. Did you sleep well?"

"I did. My boyfriend made sure I was good and tired last night," I said flirtatiously as I lightly rubbed his chest.

"Yes, I did, and I'm not going to apologize for it." Edward flashed the crooked smile I loved so much.

"So, are you ready to do some house hunting today?" I stood up and leaned on the railing to face him.

"Yeah, we can grab some breakfast, and then I've arranged for us to meet a realtor at 10:00."

"Sounds good. I'll be ready in a few minutes."

"Bella, you never get ready in a few minutes," Edward teased.

I smacked his shoulder lightly as I huffed and walked into the room.

After only twenty minutes, we were on our way to breakfast. Naturally, I made sure to point out my quick turnaround.

We walked across the street to the boardwalk, his hand holding mine tightly. Even being so early in the morning, the boardwalk was bustling, and the beach was getting crowded. The sun was already hot, despite the cool breeze, and I was happy I had dressed lightly.

"So, where are we going?" I asked curiously.

"A place called Kono's. It's supposed to have great breakfast, and it's right on the beach."

We arrived at Kono's a few minutes later. There was a huge line winding up the block. Apparently we weren't the only ones who knew about this place. The restaurant itself was just a counter for ordering. All the tables were outside along the bluff overlooking the beach. People were gathered at the entrance, waiting for their orders to be ready.

We finally got through the line, got our food, and found a table. The food was great, and the view of the ocean was beautiful.

"So," Edward began, "we're going to look for places in La Jolla, which is just north of here."

His face was a mixture of excitement and sorrow. I could tell he was excited to get started on his residency and finally know where he would be living. Yet at the same time, I knew our separation loomed over him, as it did me.

I reached across the table and grabbed his hands, lightly caressing them with my thumbs. "I'm sure we'll find a great place for you. I can't wait to see where you'll end up." I tried to be encouraging and keep the concern out of my voice.

"I hope we find something nice. La Jolla is supposed to be great, so I'm looking forward to seeing what's there."

We finished up breakfast and walked back to our hotel to get the rental car. Edward put the top down on the convertible as we drove up the coast to La Jolla to meet the realtor. I knew we needed to talk more about things, but he was so excited about finding a place. I didn't want to put a damper on that.

The realtor showed us a few places, but nothing was the right fit. The first place was in a great location but way too small. The second place was the right size but was old and tacky. The third place was located on too busy of a street. I was starting to feel like we might not find something he liked, and I could see the discouragement on his face as well.

We walked up to the last place dejected and not expecting much. The location was great, and it was right across the street from the beach, but we'd seen so many others that were disappointing we didn't want to get our hopes up.

The building was small, only four units, and seemed quiet. It was a newer complex and had been meticulously maintained. The condo we were looking at was on the second floor. The realtor unlocked the door and allowed us to walk in ahead of her. When I saw the inside, my jaw dropped.

It had floor to ceiling windows with a view of the ocean. The hard wood floors were a light maple, and the sunlight bounced off of them. The living room had a cast stone fireplace and a mantle, and the kitchen was modern, with all stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. There was a sliding door that opened up onto a balcony facing the ocean.

"As you can see, this condo has been exquisitely upgraded. The owner remodeled it last year for the purpose of living here, but unfortunately he had to move for a job," the realtor explained.

"Let's see the bedrooms," I said excitedly, grabbing Edward's hand and dragging him down the hallway.

We walked down the hallway, stopping to check out the guest bedroom, and finally coming to the master bedroom. It was spacious and, like the living room, also had floor to ceiling windows with an ocean view. It was light and airy. The adjoining bathroom had light colored marble on the floor and darker granite countertops. There was a large shower with a clear glass enclosure.

"Edward, this place is amazing," I squealed, trying to take in the view. "Can you believe it?"

"It is beautiful. I could definitely see myself living here." He looked encouraged for the first time today.

We finished exploring and finally walked out and met the realtor, telling her Edward definitely wanted the place. She left to go get some forms from her car, leaving us inside.

Edward walked over to me and pulled me into a big hug, his hands tracing up and down on my back. "I know we haven't talked much about what's going to happen, but I want this to be a place where we both will be comfortable. It's got space for you, too. I want you to move here to be with me. I understand you have a life to lead, and it might not happen right away, but I see us going in that direction, don't you?"

Something about hearing the words come out of his mouth made it real. I was both happy and scared out of my mind. Of course I'd thought about it. How could I not? I loved Edward and wanted to be with him more than anything. But as excited as I was that he wanted me to move in with him, the timing needed to be right, and I wanted to see how things went for him once he got started with his work. I didn't want to be a distraction to him, nor did I want to uproot everything I had back in Seattle if I wasn't sure. He needed to focus, and I needed to be comfortable. This wasn't the type of decision I could make out of desperation.

"I want that, too, Edward, eventually. I love you and want to be with you. But let's just see how things go once you get here. A lot can happen," I said as I cupped his face in my hands.

He looked worried but put on a good façade, holding me tighter as he leaned down and spoke softly in my ear. "This will be here when you're ready - when we're ready."

The realtor walked back into the room, and we let go of each other to walk over and join her at the kitchen counter. Edward filled out the necessary paperwork, and we drove off feeling a huge sense of accomplishment.

"It's a great place, Edward. I think you'll be really happy there," I said, reaching over the gearshift to put my hand on his thigh.

His hand joined mine, and he glanced over at me and smiled.

"I hope so. I hope we'll both be happy there someday."

I squeezed his hand lightly. I'd never heard him be so candid about his feelings and what he wanted for our future. I needed some time to process everything.

"I think this calls for a celebration, don't you?" I exclaimed, changing the serious tone of the conversation thus far to something I could handle.

"What did you have in mind?" he smirked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"No, not THAT! Although, we'll most definitely be indulging later." I reached up and put my hand on the back of his neck. "I was thinking we should go out to a nice dinner."

"We passed a bunch of places that looked really nice right on the water in La Jolla. Why don't we try one of those?"

We went back to the hotel as we still had a few hours to kill before dinner and walked along the boardwalk behind the hotel, ending up walking almost the entire bay. We talked about little things, like how I was going to have to take him clothes shopping since all his clothes were for cold weather. We talked about what his schedule would be like at the hospital. He was excited and that made me really happy to see. All the while, he held my hand tightly. Nothing else was brought up about my moving here, and I was thankful.

We finally got back to our room and got ready for dinner. I wanted to look especially nice because it was our last night. I put on a simple, black strapless dress with black, strappy heels. I had on long, sparkly earrings that almost reached my collarbone. My hair was pulled back loosely into a bun on the nape of my neck. I had to admit, I felt sexy.

I walked into the room to see Edward looking magnificent. He had on fitted black pants and a gray, lightweight sweater that accentuated his chiseled chest. His hair had the usual just-been-fucked look, which made me want to run my hands through it. I couldn't believe this unbelievable man was mine. Canceling our dinner plans and staying in might have been the better option. He looked good enough to eat.

"Wow, Bella, you look stunning," he said as he walked over to me and gave me a light kiss on the forehead.

"You look pretty amazing, yourself," I replied, my hand resting on his chest.

We headed out to the restaurant, which was located right on the shore, the waves crashing only a few feet away. It was gorgeous. I couldn't think of a better place to spend our last night in San Diego.

After we were seated, we ordered a bottle of wine and took in the view.

"So, have you thought about what kind of medicine you'd like to practice?" I asked, reaching across the table to grab his hands.

"Right now I'm thinking pediatrics." He looked almost embarrassed, and I loved that he was so humble about his intelligence.

Still, I was surprised. I'd never seen him around kids and wouldn't have pegged him for pediatrics. "What made you choose that?"

"I like the innocence of kids. They're so honest and pure. I think it's uplifting."

I'd never heard Edward talk about children, so it was endearing to me that he wanted to help people in that way. I laughed as I thought about all the soccer moms who would have their children seeing Edward. The poor ladies might have a heart attack.

"What's so funny?" he asked. He thought I was laughing at his previous comment.

"Nothing. I was just thinking that you'll be awfully popular with the MILFS."

He blushed and chuckled lightly. "Yeah, I hear they can be an aggressive bunch."

I pretended to huff. "Well, don't let them get too close. I can be aggressive, too, you know?"

"You have nothing to worry about."

I smiled because I knew it was true. I believed with all my heart that he had changed his ways.

Going back to our original topic, I asked, "Do you want kids?"

"Sure, don't you? Maybe not right away, but I definitely want to have a family." The smile on his face warmed my heart.

His kids would be really beautiful. Would they be our kids?

I collected myself. "Yeah, I do want them. It's always seemed so far away, but as I get older I can see myself with kids. I have no idea how I'll do as a mother, though. As you well know, I'm not exactly patient."

He rubbed my hands gently, gazing intently into my eyes.

"Bella, when the time comes, you'll be a great mom. You're the most loving person I know."

_Could he BE any more perfect?_

Our dinner came, and we enjoyed a fabulous meal, overlooking the ocean. I'd never had such a romantic dinner.

As the dessert arrived, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box, setting it on the table.

My heart stopped beating. Small Velvet Box.

"This is for you," he said, nervously pushing the box toward me.

"Edward, what's this?"

"Just open it," he urged.

My hands were shaking as I opened the box, revealing a heart pendant made up of small diamonds.

"Edward, it's gorgeous, but what's the occasion?" I asked softly, my heart beginning to circulate blood again.

"I want you to wear it and know no matter how far away I am from you physically, you have my heart, and you always will." The blush returned as he looked deeply into my eyes. This was so different from the Edward I knew before, and I knew how hard it was for him to open up like that.

"Of course I'll wear it. Thank you." I took it out of the box and held it up. "Help me put it on?"

He walked around the table, standing behind me, and clasped the necklace, leaning in to kiss my exposed neck.

"I love you," he whispered.

I reached my hand up and placed my palm on his cheek lightly.

"I love you, too."

We left the restaurant and headed back to the hotel, the warm breeze blowing my hair in the convertible. I kept my hand on the pendant around my neck, running my fingers over it. I imagined Edward nervously shopping for it and hand-picking it from others. It was a really beautiful gift.

I walked into the bathroom once we got back to the hotel room to get changed. I had brought a sexy cream-colored teddy, which fell just to the top of my thigh. It had a push up bra built in, accentuating my cleavage. The bodice was sheer, which revealed the matching lacy, thong underwear. I let my hair down so it flowed over my shoulder. Looking into the mirror, I placed my hand over the heart pendant as I had earlier, admiring it.

I walked into the room, and Edward was lying on the bed. The lights were off, except one small table lamp and the lights coming in through the windows. Edward was dressed only in his boxers, his hands behind his head.

The man was so gorgeous, and he didn't even have to try.

I twirled slowly to reveal the entire ensemble to Edward as his jaw hung open.

"Bella, you look so beautiful." He looked like he was about to leap off the bed, and I couldn't help the smile on my face. It was exactly the reaction I'd hoped for.

I crawled up the bed seductively, straddling him to let him see my outfit. His hands immediately came up to my sides, squeezing tightly as he leaned up to kiss me. I could feel his erection pressing into me, and I was happy my teddy had the desired effect.

"I like this outfit," he murmured in between kisses, smiling. "It's too bad it has to go."

His hands slid underneath the teddy, lifting it as he moved his hands up my sides. He pulled it over my head and lowered his hands to my back. I moved off of him and lay on my side, my hands moving to his boxers.

"I think these should come off," I whispered.

He lifted his hips and helped me slide them off, never taking his eyes off me. My thong was next as his hands guided them down and off my body.

He moved to lie on top of me, teasing me with his closeness. His hands roamed my body, and he sighed as he kissed my neck and collarbone.

I moaned at the feeling of his hands on me, knowing all too well what kind of pleasure they could induce. He slid a finger inside me, and my hips instinctively bucked up into his palm.

His fingers moved ever so slowly in me, driving me crazy. "Bella, a while ago, when we were with our friends playing a game, you said you had fantasized about me," he recalled. "Tell me your fantasy."

His fingers continued their movement, slow and deliberate.

Which one did he want? There were a lot of them.

I sighed, enjoyed the feel of his hands as I tried not to get distracted.

"Edward, I've had a lot of fantasies about you. Most of them were about being just like we are now. I imagined what it would be like to kiss you and feel you inside of me. None of them compares to the reality," I confessed, my hands gripping the back of his head. I felt suddenly self-conscious and more than a little curious. "Why? Have you fantasized about me?"

"Many times," he said without hesitation, a wry smile gracing his face.

"Tell me," I breathed.

His eyes burned with intensity. "Well, I would love for you to touch yourself while I watch. I'd like to see how you do it." He moved his palm against my clit and rubbed gently, and then cupped my chin in his free hand. I couldn't escape his lust-filled gaze, nor did I want to.

"You really want to do that?" I asked, surprised.

"Hell yes, I do!"

I had no idea he'd be interested in doing anything like that, but now that he had mentioned it, I grew a little excited, too. "Can I watch you, too?"

He pulled his fingers from me, and his still slick hand gripped his cock.

This was sexy as hell.

"Sure, you first, though," he said hoarsely, rubbing himself.

I had never been so open with anyone before. I was slightly self-conscious and nervous, but Edward made me comfortable with the whole thing. It was just us, and I didn't want to hold anything back. I wanted to fulfill his fantasies.

I thought back to the times I had been alone thinking of Edward, images of us together flooded my mind, his hands roaming my body, his face contorted in ecstasy. Edward's gaze burned into me and made me feel sexier, bolder, and urged me on.

One of my hands moved to my breast and massaged my erect nipple, while my other hand moved slowly over my stomach and down heated flesh. I rubbed in small circles as I closed my eyes.

"No, Bella, I want you to look at me," Edward said through gritted teeth, his hand still slowly rubbing himself.

I obliged and continued my movements, as my breathing deepened. Feeling the pressure building, I moved my hand from my breast and gently pushed my fingers inside my body, curling to find my G-spot.

"What does it feel like?" Edward moaned, still leaning on his side next to me. Beads of sweat were forming on his brow.

"It feels tight and warm. I'm imagining your magical hands on me making me so wet. I can almost feel your mouth on me as you bring me to climax. I want to feel your cock inside of me." This was easier than I thought it would be. I had a lot of memories to work with.

"Jesus Christ, you're driving me crazy." He was barely able to form the words, which only spurred me on.

Edward continued to watch me, his eyes scanning my body, as his own breathing grew shallow.

"Fuck, this is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. You're gonna make me come just watching you," he moaned, continuing to stroke himself slowly.

Feeling empowered, I continued with both hands until my orgasm was imminent. I threw my head back and allowed my climax to rip through me in wave after powerful wave.

Once I was done, I glanced over at Edward who looked as if he was in pain. His face was stretched tight, and his jaw was clenched. His eyes were narrow and heavy.

"Your turn," I said seductively as I smirked at him.

He moaned loudly and began to fiercely tug on his hard cock, looking almost violent as one hand moved lower onto his balls.

"I'm imagining what it feels like to be buried deep inside you, so hot and wet," he panted as he continued his motions.

A few strokes later, I could tell he was on the verge of release. His face looked so fucking sexy as his brows furrowed and his eyes closed tightly.

"Fuuuccckk...so fucking hot…" He grunted one final time before he stilled and came all over his stomach. His body was trembling as his spasms slowed and finally stopped. His head fell back onto the pillow, eyes still closed.

That was fucking sexy.

I grabbed a towel and gently wiped him clean as he gradually recovered from his intense orgasm and his breathing slowed to normal.

I gently kissed his neck and cheek.

"Oh my God…Bella…that was… so… incredible." His face reflected his pleasure.

"I enjoyed it quite a bit myself," I admitted, moving close to his side as his arm came around me.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered as he kissed my forehead. "Thank you for sharing that with me."

I moved on top of him, resting my weight fully on his body. His arms came around my back and slowly caressed me. I lowered myself and our lips met, gently at first, and then escalating into a deep, passionate kiss. His hands came up behind my neck and gripped my hair.

I positioned myself at his side with my head in the crook of his shoulder. My leg rested on top of his, and my arm wound tightly around his chest as he drew small circles on my hip with his thumb.

"I love you so much, Bella." He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tightly.

"I love you, too."

We lay like that for a few minutes, caressing each other lightly until he fell into a deep sleep.

The man of my dreams was asleep at my side.

At least for now.

* * *

**A/N: I'm going to address the Bella hate here instead of in my review replies, since I know it's coming. I know some of you are going to be angry with her, but here's how I see it. They haven't been together that long, and to pick up and move is a huge deal. She's not saying she doesn't want to move or that she won't, just that she wants to see how things go for a while first. **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta for her mad beta skills, and to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, Dana1779, and ellierk. I appreciate all you ladies do! **

**Next up, he moves…**


	23. Chapter 23 Last Chance

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 23: Last Chance**

**Edward**

After our trip to San Diego, things between Bella and me had been great. We spent most of the last several weeks together, and I loved the fact that no matter what we were doing, we always had fun. However, as much fun as we had been having, my upcoming move loomed over us. We didn't talk much about it, and every time someone brought it up, we both shied away from discussing it. It was easier not to think about it, but during those rare instances when I wasn't with Bella, I couldn't help but think of moving away from her. My chest tightened up, and my heart hurt with such force it scared me. I couldn't imagine what it would be like not to have her with me every day.

While house hunting in San Diego, I told Bella I wanted her to move with me, and I meant it. I would have loved nothing more than to have her agree to come with me. But I also understood she had a life and career in Seattle and still needed to make sure we were going to have a future before making such a big decision. I respected that, but it made me sad to think about being without her. I knew it had nothing to do with her feelings for me – she needed to come to that decision on her own, in her own time.

Tonight was the last night in Seattle before my move. I had packed all my belongings over the course of a week, and my room looked like a combat zone, with taped-up and labeled packing cartons spilling out into the common areas. Bella had helped me, never mentioning the significance of the act. I often found myself watching her while she put my things in boxes, knowing it was going to be such a huge change for us. She never let any emotion display on her face, but I knew it wasn't easy on her. It was hard as hell for me to be doing it, and I was the one moving.

Everyone was meeting at Em's and my house for one final going away party, even though I would have preferred to spend the night with just Bella. They insisted on doing something special, and I couldn't decline. I was going to miss my brother and our friends tremendously, and I hoped they would come and visit me in San Diego. It wasn't until I was faced with saying goodbye that I realized just how lucky I was to have such a great group of friends.

"Where's the guest of honor?" Alice yelled from the foyer when she walked in.

I poked my head around the corner from the kitchen, and Alice ran over and gave me a hug.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Edward," she said sincerely. "You'd better not forget about us."

I didn't want the goodbyes to start just yet. I wanted to have fun tonight. "I'll miss you too, Alice. I'll miss all of you."

Jasper walked up and gave me a quick pat on the back in typical guy fashion.

"Don't stay away too long. I'm going to be overrun with females," he said, smirking.

"What about me, asshat?" Emmett huffed, feigning hurt feelings as he smacked Jasper on the arm. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Yeah, that's true. At least I've still got you around." Jasper laughed, walking around us into the kitchen.

"You love hanging out with us, and you know it." Alice reached out and pinched Jasper's ass.

Bella arrived shortly after that, hugging and kissing everyone as she came in. She was doing an excellent job of keeping her emotions in check, but I could tell by the sympathetic glances Alice and Jasper were giving her that everyone understood how hard this was going to be.

She walked into the kitchen and threw her arms around my neck, kissing me gently. I was still in awe that such a beautiful creature would want to be with me.

"It's only been a few hours, and I already missed you," she said as she peppered my cheek with kisses.

"Mmm, me too." I rubbed my hands up and down her back. "You'd better stop that or this party's moving to the bedroom."

"Alright. I'll let you go, but only because it's your party," she said sarcastically, her hands pushing me away. "But I've got plans for you later, so don't you forget it."

My pants tightened as she smirked and tapped my nose with her index finger and ran it down over my lips. I wanted to pull it into my mouth, but everyone was still hanging around us.

"Forgetting won't be a problem. That much I can guarantee. But I have some plans of my own," I whispered into her ear. Two could play that game.

We wandered into the living room, and Bella sat on my lap, wiggling her butt, making it difficult to concentrate on anything other than our promised plans for later.

"Keep it up, Bella, and we're going to have a problem," I whispered into her ear as I thrust my hips up, letting her feel what she was doing to me.

"That's my kind of problem. I like knowing I can turn you on," she whispered back, flashing me a devious smile.

"So, Edward, Bella tells me your new place in San Diego is really nice. Are you excited?" Jasper asked, interrupting our little game.

"Uh…yeah. It's got an ocean view, which is really cool. I've got some pictures online I'll have to show you. Plus, it's centrally located and close to everything. I've never spent any time in Southern California, so I'm looking forward to that," I responded, my hands reaching around Bella's waist.

"What are you and Bella going to do?" Rosalie asked in her usual blunt manner.

All eyes turned toward us. I hadn't talked about it much to my friends, which was strange because I usually shared a lot with them. Both Jasper and Emmett had asked me about our plans, but I'd managed to avoid getting into it. I guess talking about it made it real, and I wasn't ready for that. I was thankful neither of them pushed it.

Bella shifted in my lap and turned to face me as if silently giving me approval to talk about it.

"I know Bella's already talked to you about this, Rose. I'd love it if Bella moved with me, but she's got her job here. She's worked really hard to get where she is," I explained, my hands still around Bella's waist. "Right now, we're going to see what happens with my residency and just take it a day at a time."

"So you're really going to do the whole long distance relationship thing?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrows dubiously. "That sounds brutal. Especially for someone like you, Edward."

I felt slightly offended. "What do you mean 'someone like me'?"

She fidgeted, obviously catching herself. "I mean…you're just used to…you know…regular…action."

I hated that this had come up and glared at Alice. She knew what a long road Bella and I had been on to be together, so I was upset and hurt that she'd talk about my relationship as if it was just about sex. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to doubt my fidelity. I had no intention of hooking up with anyone in San Diego, and any insinuation to the contrary pissed me off.

I started to speak, but Bella cut me off, squeezing my knee to calm me down. "It's not forever, and we trust each other. I appreciate what you're saying, Alice, but things are different now. We're going to try to make the best of it."

I kissed Bella's shoulder, appreciating her vote of confidence. My past behavior didn't warrant such trust, and I was lucky she'd given it to me. I wouldn't do anything to destroy that.

"Not to change the subject, but I've got an announcement," Emmett said, throwing his arm around Rosalie.

"Oh yeah, what's going on?" I asked as all eyes in the room turned toward him. I was thankful the focus had shifted away from me and my unflattering past.

"Well you're moving out, Edward," Emmett started, "so Rosie's decided to move in here with me."

"That's great, you guys. I'm happy for you," Bella said, standing up to give Rosalie a hug.

"I was wondering when you two would make the leap. You've hardly left each other's side since you met," Alice added cheerfully.

I was trying to be happy for Emmett and Rosalie. I knew he was in love with her and wanted to be with her. I'd never seen him so serious about anyone before. But I was also envious. He didn't have to face the same turmoil that had been so prevalent in my relationship with Bella. He would get to wake up next to the person he loved everyday, while I would wake up alone in a strange place.

I tried to shake the self-destructive feelings bubbling inside me. I didn't want to feel sorry for myself. I knew it wasn't forever. I knew she'd come visit, and whenever I had time, I'd come to visit her. Still, I was envious.

Bella seemed to understand my glum reaction to Emmett's news and reassured me with her affection as the night went on.

After several hours, Alice and Jasper stood up to leave, prompting the rest of us to stand also.

"Please don't be a stranger," Alice said, tearing up as she gave me a hug. "I want a full update once you get settled."

"I promise to call, and I expect to see you in San Diego." I picked her up off the ground into a big hug. "You always have a place to stay."

Wiping the tears off of her face, she tried to put on a brave smile. I could tell Alice was sad that our little group wasn't going to be the same from then on.

I hated goodbyes.

"Good luck, man," Jasper said, leaning in to give me a one-armed hug after Alice pulled herself away.

Emmett and Rosalie gathered their stuff to leave also.

"Where are you guys going?" I asked, confused.

Emmett patted my shoulder and winked at me. "We thought you and Bella could use some alone time tonight. We'll stay at Rosie's."

"Thanks, bro. I appreciate it," I said, moved by his considerate offer.

As soon as they left, I turned and shut the door, leaning against it.

"It's weird to say goodbye," I confessed quietly. "It almost doesn't seem real."

Bella's face dropped as she looked at the ground, fidgeting with the seam of her top. I walked toward her and pulled her into a tight hug. She sniffled to fight back the tears.

"It seems real to me." She sighed and wrapped her arms around my back. "It seems like we just got together, and now you have to leave."

"Hey," I said as I lifted her chin to look at me, "we'll get through this."

"I know. I just didn't want this night to ever come. I don't want to be without you."

Her crying broke my heart. "I don't want to be without you, either. But I don't want to spend my last night here being sad. Now, tell me about those plans you had for me that you mentioned earlier." I raised my eyebrow, and she chuckled lightly through her tears.

I walked her into my now sparse bedroom that was filled with boxes and trash and pulled her into a tight embrace. I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers, tasting the salt from her tears. She responded to me and spread her lips, allowing me to deepen the kiss. I took her bottom lip in between mine and sucked lightly.

"You taste so good," I whispered, running my tongue along her lips. "I know you said you had plans for me tonight, but I really want tonight to be about you."

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," she said as her breath tickled my face. "I'm sold."

I laid her on the bed and began the careful task of undressing her slowly. She wiggled beneath my hands as layer by layer was shed, revealing her perfect body to me. I made a point to memorize every curve.

I stood up and shed my clothes as she watched in anticipation, her lips parted, and her chest heaving with each labored breath.

Crawling up the bed, I felt like a predator stalking my prey. Every nerve ending in my body was aware of Bella. I settled myself so my face was between her legs. My hands instinctively moved to her inner thighs, caressing them with my thumbs. I moved my face closer, wanting the moment to last forever. Not able to resist the temptation any longer, my tongue reached out and licked her in one long motion. She writhed at the sensation, but I held her still with my hands.

"Where do you think you're going?" I chastised. "Hold still."

She moaned and relaxed into the bed.

My tongue made a second pass at her, causing her to moan and arch her back.

"Does that feel good, baby?"

"Oh…God…yes…" She pushed herself toward my waiting mouth.

I moved my hand to her entrance and pushed two fingers inside her, curling them upward to find her G-spot. She gasped at the contact and began to move her hips against me.

"No, no Bella. Let me do it," I said, stilling her hips, earning me a frustrated sigh.

"Just…don't stop…I need more…"

"Don't worry, it'll be worth the wait."

With that, I began moving my fingers faster within her, relishing the way her body felt from the inside. She was soft and warm, and I couldn't stop thinking about how good it felt when my dick was inside her.

My tongue danced on her slick skin, alternating between hard and soft contact. Bella was frantic with need, her body twitching as she approached her orgasm. With one final lick, she exploded onto me, screaming my name and panting heavily. My fingers felt each contraction of her walls, and my cock grew impossibly hard.

"Oh God…every time you do that to me, it just gets better and better." She ran her hands over her face and into her hair.

"I'm not through with you yet." I slid my way up her body, kissing her as I went.

She smiled not-so-innocently. "Well then, get up here and tell me what you had in mind."

I loved Bella this way – carefree and flirty. I continued my ascent up her body, inhaling deeply with each kiss. I never wanted to forget her scent or her taste.

When I was positioned correctly over her, I guided myself to her entrance, allowing the tip of my cock to slip inside.

"Is this what you want?" I asked playfully.

She pulled me closer to her. "Are you going to tease me?"

"No, Bella. No teasing tonight. I plan on making love to you for as long as you'll let me."

She lifted her knees and gripped my ass, causing me to slide easily into her. We both moaned, and I began to thrust immediately. My cock was throbbing, and I needed the friction to relieve the tension that had built up.

We rocked and moved with each other, our hands seeking to discover every available inch of skin. We kissed. We sucked. We licked. We devoured each other. She made me feel loved and cherished, and I wanted to make her feel the same way. Tomorrow, when her bed was empty, I wanted her to know she was a part of me and would always be on my mind.

After she had two orgasms, I couldn't hold back any longer. My body demanded release, and I spilled forcefully into her, her name falling from my lips as my body fell limp at her side.

"Bella, I love you so much," I said, panting in exhaustion.

"I love you, too." She brushed a stray lock of hair off my face.

"You belong with me."

"I'm yours for as long you want me."

I slid my hand over her cheek, rubbing it gently. "I'll want you forever."

I knew it was true.

This beautiful woman lying next to me made me feel like a hormonal teenager. I felt out of control every time I was with her. My body ached for her, and my heart couldn't stand the idea of being apart from her. I knew in that moment my feelings would never change. I wanted this relationship to work with every fiber of my being. I wanted the world to know she was mine.

I wanted to make her my wife.

The thought scared the shit out of me. I'd never even considered the possibility with anyone else before. Still, I couldn't deny it. I wanted it.

_Someday, Bella. Someday._

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**A/N: Well, that's a big thing for Edward to admit, isn't it? He's probably scared shitless just thinking about it. But alas, our manwhore is growing up!**

**I did tell you there were a lot of lemons in this fic, didn't I? I hope you're still enjoying them!**

**So, one of my favorite lines of this story is in this chapter. Can you guess what it is? I'll put it in my review reply. **

**Thanks to the usual cast of thousands who make this story come together. Viola Cornuta for putting up with me and making my words pretty. Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 for telling me it'll be OK and generally talking me off the ledge!**

**Next up, they say goodbye…*sniff***


	24. Chapter 24 Goodbyes

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 24: Goodbye**

**Bella**

Today was the day I had been dreading since I found out about his residency. Edward was leaving and moving to San Diego, and I was staying in Seattle.

I didn't want to wake up and admit the morning had come, hoping to delay the inevitable as long as I could. I was safe in Edward's bed, his arms wrapped around me as he slept peacefully with me lounging next to him. His slow breath tickled my neck, and I wriggled even closer to him to feel the warmth of his naked body. He moaned and moved slightly but remained asleep. He was so comforting to me, even when asleep.

Last night had been incredible. He had taken his time pleasing me, driving me crazy with his tongue until I couldn't help but explode in ecstasy. Then we'd made love until we were both too tired to continue. It had been caring and sweet. His pace was slow, as though he was memorizing each movement and storing it away in his brain for future reference. Or maybe it had only been me doing the memorizing. I'd clung to him, not wanting even an inch between us. The whole night was sensual and passionate and utterly romantic.

It seemed such a contrast to what I saw this morning. Whereas last night the room had glowed with the light from the streetlight outside, providing an almost ethereal quality, this morning it was bright and stark. I glanced around his barren room, noticing all the boxes stacked up along the walls. There was nothing on the walls or on the dresser. It looked so desolate; all the things I had loved about being in Edward's room were gone. His things were like a piece of him, and it was just like any other room without them. The movers would be here to load up in just a few hours, and then I would take him to the airport for his afternoon flight. I couldn't bear the thought of having to say goodbye to him. It made my heart ache.

I snuggled up against him to avoid reality for just a little while longer.

Alice and Jasper had talked to me at length about my decision not to move to San Diego with Edward, and even though they were supportive, I didn't think they really understood why I'd chosen not to go. Edward had worked so hard to get where he was. He'd sacrificed so much and was one of the best in his class. I felt like if I moved to San Diego with him, I'd be a distraction from what had to be his primary focus. I knew him well enough to know he'd feel guilty putting in the necessary hours at work if he knew I was at home waiting for him. I wanted him to be successful. I truly believed we could get through the time apart and be a couple at the end of it all. He deserved time to get into his own routine without the burden of a girlfriend.

I also considered my own career. San Diego had a lot of pharmaceutical companies, but it was a very competitive industry, and the likelihood that I could get a job right away was slim. I felt like I needed to be able to support myself, or I'd be an even bigger burden to Edward. In addition to the money aspect, I'd worked very hard to achieve the level of success I had at my current company, and I would basically have to start over in San Diego. It wasn't impossible, but it was definitely a setback. I was reluctant to pick up my whole life and follow him without trying things out for a while.

Edward and I had talked about it and decided that after his residency ended in a few years, he would look for something in Seattle, and we could be together again. It seemed like a long time, but I knew people who had sacrificed a lot more and still ended up together, so I was confident we could make it through everything. I would visit as much as I could, and we'd talk everyday. With a bit of creative planning, we could take vacation time together, too.

My only lingering doubt about us stemmed from his past. His promiscuity with women had been a huge obstacle for us to overcome to be together. Having a long distance relationship was very hard, and I hoped Edward could do it and not be tempted to move on. I trusted him, but I would be lying if I said I didn't have a small lingering doubt about him being faithful. I buried it deep inside, though, because we'd been through too much together for me to make this worse than it already was. He didn't need to worry about my insecurity on top of everything else.

As much as I was confident in my choice to stay here, the reality of actually having to say goodbye was something entirely different, and I cursed myself for being so foolish in that moment. How could I say goodbye to him? My heart ached, and it was still several hours away.

Edward stirred next to me, and I was pulled from my sulking by soft kisses on my neck, and his hands moving along my waist. I loved sleeping naked with Edward. His skin radiated warmth, and I loved feeling him along the entire length of my body.

"Mmm, that's nice," I murmured as a smile crept up onto my face, my eyes closing.

"You feel too good," he said softly, not letting up on the kisses. "I'm not going to want to get out of bed."

"So don't." I pushed my hips back into his and couldn't help but notice his erection pressing on my thighs.

"See what you do to me?"

"This is like the first time we were together," I said, remembering that night in New York. We'd come a long way.

He kissed my shoulder. "I was a little more anxious back then."

His hand came around my body, touching me ever so softly and leaving a trail of nerves behind. His hand snuck between my legs, running his fingers up and down, testing my readiness for him. I moaned at his touch, wanting more. I hitched my leg back up and over his hip, allowing him to push forward and enter me. There was an overwhelming sense of déjà vu as memories of New York flooded my mind.

"God, I need you." His voice was just barely a whisper, and I wasn't sure I was meant to hear his words, but I could feel the desperation behind them.

We rocked slowly with each other, a continuation of last night. His hands moved all over the front of my body, caressing my breasts and pulling me back firmly against his chest. One of my hands supported my head, and the other wrapped around his body, grabbing his ass as he moved within me.

We didn't move for a few minutes when we were done, recognizing we would not be together in that way again for a while. Our hands refused to let go of each other, fearing reality would take over and our moment would be lost.

But we couldn't stall any longer, and Edward sighed loudly when he glanced at the clock. "We should get up and get dressed. The movers will be here pretty soon."

I squeezed his hands and pulled them around me.

I wasn't ready yet.

"I guess we should. I just don't want to get up," I confessed. "I want to stay like this with you forever."

Edward sensed my sadness and turned me around to face him, holding me against his warm body.

"Bella, you believe we'll get through this, right?" His gentle fingers smoothed my hair.

"Of course I do. I know we'll be okay. It's just the thought of saying goodbye to you kills me."

"Me too. But let's try not to let it ruin this time together."

He was right. I didn't want our last few hours to be sad. I wanted him to leave for San Diego feeling confident about us. I had to put on as strong of a front as I could, so he'd be able to go without any worries.

We both got showered and dressed just in time for the movers to arrive. They wasted no time and, within an hour, had all of Edward's things packed and ready to go. His room looked so cavernous and empty. My heart sank.

He was really leaving.

Edward was my rock. He was my best friend. He understood me better than anyone and loved me in spite of myself. He overlooked my shortcomings and propped up my accomplishments. He was smart and funny and incredibly sexy. I was so proud of him and all he had accomplished. I had no idea how I was going to be able to make it without him.

We went out for a quick breakfast, keeping the conversation light to avoid any eruption of tears on my part. We drove in silence to the airport, our fingers intertwined and resting on my thigh. He squeezed my hand tightly, caressing the back of it as I drove.

I helped him get the few suitcases he was bringing out of my trunk. He had packed just a few things to last until the movers arrived in a few days. We walked hand in hand toward the terminal. I hung my head, fighting to keep the tears at bay.

Edward checked his bags, and we found a little café right outside the security area to wait until he had to go. He had about a half an hour before he had to board, so we grabbed a table and sat down. He reached across the table and grabbed my hands, rubbing them with his thumbs.

"So, will you call me when you get to your hotel?" I asked, lightening the mood.

"Of course."

He had reserved a hotel until his things arrived. The thought of him alone in a strange city in a hotel room made me even sadder than I already was. It was only for a few days, but I knew he was anxious to get his stuff and get settled.

"When do you start work?" Even though we'd talked about it many times, I just needed something to fill the silence and distract me.

"Not for another week, so I should have some time to unpack a little bit," he said somberly.

"That'll be nice. I can't wait to see your place once you get settled in." I glanced down at our hands, unwilling to let him see the distress in my eyes.

"Me either. You'll have to visit as soon as you can."

We talked for a few more minutes about what his schedule would be like the next week and what his plans were. He checked his watch and winced at the time. "I have to go or I won't make it through security in time for my flight."

He looked so sad.

"I know," I said, standing up, straightening my clothes as a distraction from what was really happening.

We left the café and headed toward the security area. He stopped off to the side of the crowds just before the line began and pulled me into a hug. His chin rested on my shoulder as I buried my face in his chest, frantically inhaling and memorizing his scent. My hands grasped the back of his shirt, and my breathing became shallow. I was fighting the tears with everything I had.

He pulled me back slightly so I would look at him. I couldn't bear it.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Bella." Edward's voice strained as he spoke.

"I'll call you everyday. We'll talk all the time, and I'll visit as soon as I can get away. I promise." The tears were forming in my eyes, and I knew I couldn't stop them from falling.

"I know you will. I'll see you soon." He put his hand on my cheek and wiped away a tear. "Don't be sad. Things will be okay."

I pulled him closer into the hug again. I couldn't believe this moment had finally arrived.

He leaned in and kissed me slowly and passionately. Too soon though, he broke the kiss and pulled out of the hug, reaching behind him for his carry-on bag.

"I have to go," he said, glancing over at the security line. "I'll call you when I land."

"Okay." I wiped my eyes with my sleeve, the tears free-flowing.

He reached out and wiped the tears from my cheeks and kissed me chastely on the forehead with his eyes closed. I could see the pain on his face.

"Don't cry," he whispered in my ear. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," I whispered through my tears.

Then he turned around and got in line, waving over his shoulder. I watched him slowly inch to the front of the line and disappear around the corner to his gate.

And just like that, he was gone. My rock, my everything, was gone.

I walked out of the airport and slowly back to my car, feeling numb.

I barely remembered the drive home. My body and mind had shut down completely. As soon as I got home, I collapsed on my bed, clutching my pillow as the tears fell down my face. I couldn't stop them. My body ached for him. My heart ached for him. And he was gone.

"Bella, are you in there?" Alice asked, knocking and opening my bedroom door simultaneously.

I sat up, wiping the tears from my face, trying desperately to act like I wasn't falling apart.

"Come on in, Alice." I motioned for her to join me on the bed.

She walked hesitantly across the room, gauging my condition.

"How'd it go?" she asked as she sat down next to me.

"About like I expected," I said, looking down, playing with my fingernails. "Awful."

Alice put her hand on my back and rubbed lightly.

"It'll be okay, Bella. I have a good feeling about you two. You both love each other, and things will work out." Her voice was soft, soothing.

"I know, but it was so hard to say goodbye to him today. I thought I was going to die. I wanted to run after him and stop him, but I knew I couldn't."

I looked up at her through my tear-filled eyes.

"That's perfectly natural, Bella." Seeing the extent of my sadness, she continued. "But you guys will see each other soon."

"Yeah. Soon." I sniffled as I shrugged my shoulders.

She stood and walked out of the room to give me some privacy, pausing at the door. "Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Alice. I will."

She closed the door, and I lay down on the bed on my back, looking up at the ceiling. I listened to the sound of cars driving by and birds outside my window. I heard kids playing outside and wished I shared their carefree feelings. I heard Alice in the next room, life going on for her like clockwork. I sat in the comfort and protection of my room, listening to the sounds of life around me until I fell asleep, the tears still streaming from my face. I felt numb. I felt alone.

I woke up to my phone chirping at me.

Disoriented, I quickly glanced around the room to find it.

Edward.

I scrambled through my purse and picked up the phone. I had received a text from Edward.

_Just landed. Still on plane. Flight was long, but OK.~E_

_Glad to hear you made it safely.~B_

_Safely, but sadly. I miss you already.~E_

_Me too, baby.~B_

_I'll call you tonight from the hotel, K?.~E_

_Don't forget.~B_

_I'd never forget.~E_

I dropped the phone on the bed and walked into the bathroom to fix myself up. My eyes were puffy and red from crying, and my hair was disheveled and falling in my face. I grabbed a brush off the counter and dragged it through my hair in an attempt to make myself presentable. It turned out to be an exercise in futility, but I decided it was time to join the living again.

I walked out into the living room to join Alice and Jasper. They were making dinner and didn't hear me coming. They were very affectionate with each other, and I couldn't help but feel envious. I wanted to be with the man I loved, not have him a thousand miles away. They finally heard me come in and turned around to greet me.

"You okay?" Jasper asked, walking toward me.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks," I replied, not sure if I sounded sincere or not.

"Do you want to join us for dinner?" Alice asked, sounding peppy.

"I don't want to intrude on your date." The last thing I wanted was to be a third wheel.

"Don't be ridiculous. We're just making something casual. I won't take no for an answer," Alice said with authority as she handed me an onion to chop.

I grabbed the onion from her hands and forced a smile, appreciating her kindness. "Uh…sure. That sounds nice, thanks."

And with that, each of us found a job to do preparing the meal. It was a nice distraction, and for the briefest of moments, I forgot about the huge hole in my heart and felt human again.

I would get through this.

I had to.

* * *

**A/N: Well, we knew this moment would come. Now it's up to them to figure out what happens next. Any theories on how the separation will go? Who's going to break first? **

**My beta, Viola Cornuta, makes my words pretty and keeps me sane. My pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 are my awesome cheerleaders. I love you all! **

**Next up, we'll see how Edward's doing in San Diego! **

**Don't forget to leave me some love! I read and respond to every one! **


	25. Chapter 25 Jessica

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 25: Jessica**

**Edward**

It had been a month since I left Seattle, and I was starting to get into a routine in San Diego. My residency had started, and that kept me extremely busy. I worked all the time, but I was really learning a lot. I had even managed to make a few friends, who helped pass the time when I wasn't working. It wasn't a fantastic life, but it was something.

I missed Bella more than I ever thought possible. She and I talked everyday at least once and texted each other often. I missed her touch, and her laugh, and just being with her, and I couldn't wait until she came to visit me. Everyone from Seattle was going to come down for a mini-vacation, but at the last minute, Jasper and Bella had to attend a business conference in Las Vegas so they couldn't come. Instead, I would have to wait another week to see her. Emmett, Alice and Rosalie were still coming to town, though, and I was looking forward to seeing them.

They were flying in late in the afternoon, and I was planning on introducing my new work friends Mike, Jessica, Ben, and Angela to the Seattle gang when they got here. I was excited to have my Seattle crew meet my new friends. It was like merging the two different aspects of my life into one.

I didn't even have a chance to open the door all the way when Alice jumped on me and threw her legs around my waist.

"Oh my God! I'm so excited to see you," Alice screamed, sounding like a groupie.

"I can tell." I laughed and put her down next to me after I gave her a tight hug. I hadn't realized how much I missed her until just then. "It's good to see you, too."

My brother and Rosalie followed Alice into the house, and I greeted them with a hug. It was really good to see everyone again. They reminded me of home. Despite being happy about my friends being here, Bella's absence was everywhere, and it made me long for her even more.

After they got settled and we had a few drinks, I texted my work friends so we could meet up. I had come to really like San Diego and was anxious to show them all around.

"So, my friends are down at a bar on the beach. I thought we could go meet up with them."

"Oooh, I'm so excited. I'm dying for some sun," Alice responded, bouncing cheerfully around the room. "I bought two new bikinis just for this trip. Jasper liked them so much he made me wear them around the house a few times."

I shook my head and ruffled Alice's hair. "I'll bet he did."

"That man is going to be mad as hell when he finds out I wore one to a bar. What fun to go drinking where the dress code is so _undressed!_ It serves him right, though, for not being here." She could pout with the best of them.

Obviously, she wasn't too thrilled with the last minute conference and change of plans, either.

We quickly got the rest of their stuff out of the car, and I got them situated with their sleeping arrangements. Within the hour, we were headed to the beach.

"Tell me again why we're driving to the beach when you live right across the street?" Emmett asked.

"My friends are meeting us at a place called Lahaina's. It's a bar with a huge patio right on the beach not too far from here. We technically could have walked, but I think we'll appreciate having a car later."

Alice leaned up and gave me a hug over the back of the seat. "I'm excited to meet your friends. From what you've told us, they seem really nice."

"Yeah, you'll like them. Making some friends has made the move a lot easier," I replied.

"I'm glad. I know it's been hard on you. It's quite a change." Alice knew all about how hard it had been for Bella and me.

"It's been a huge adjustment, but I'm starting to get settled."

We parked at the beach and walked the short distance to the bar. It was only early afternoon, but the place was already standing room only. Everyone was dressed in bathing suits and enjoying their drinks on the expansive deck overlooking the beach.

"I've never seen such a collection of beautiful people in my life," Rosalie commented as we made our way up the stairs of the bar.

"Don't worry, you're still the most beautiful woman in the place, Rosie," Emmett said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice as he hugged Rosalie from behind.

She smirked and squeezed him back. "You'd better be nice, or I'll find one of these hot bodies to keep me warm tonight."

He kissed her cheek. "You wouldn't dare."

It was nice to see my brother so happy. Rosalie seemed to bring out the best in him.

"Yeah, I've noticed everyone seems to take really good care of themselves here." I glanced around the deck. "I guess being in a bathing suit for half the year is motivating."

"It would motivate the hell out of me," Alice chimed in.

We finally worked our way through the crowd and found my friends, all colorfully dressed down in board shorts, bikinis and sarongs. It was quite a different dress code than I was used to in Seattle. Ben, Mike and Jessica were all in the residency program with me. Ben and his girlfriend Angela had recently moved from Denver. Angela was an accountant and had found a job easily upon arriving. Mike and Jessica were both from Los Angeles, although Mike had lived in San Diego for several years. Jessica had only recently moved here for her residency. It was nice to have friends that knew what it was like to move to a new city and be away from family and friends. Having this in common made our friendship easy, and we got along great from the start.

I made introductions and immediately everyone started chatting. Alice, being the social butterfly that she was, knew everyone's life story in a matter of minutes. The conversation was entertaining and fun, and we all enjoyed our drinks in the hot sun.

It was my turn to buy a round of drinks, and I enlisted Alice's help to carry them since waiting for service in such a crowded place was futile. The bar was packed, but we managed to find a space to order our drinks.

"So what's going on with you and Jessica?" Alice asked, raising her eyebrows and frowning.

"Nothing. What are you talking about?" I was taken aback by her assumptions.

"Are you sure nothing is going on? Don't lie to me. Bella's my best friend." Alice leaned on the bar and waited for my response.

I didn't like her insinuating that I was doing something wrong, nor did I like being put on the defensive. "Alice, I've been here a month, working non-stop and have been lucky enough to make a few friends. That's it. Nothing else is going on. I wouldn't do that to Bella."

"Well if nothing's happened, I'm surprised. I'm pretty sure she likes you."

"Just stop. She's just a friend," I replied curtly. "And thanks for the vote of confidence."

Alice didn't look convinced. "She may be only a friend in your eyes, but she definitely wants more."

"You don't know that."

"I'm a girl. I know these things. I can tell by the way she looks at you. And did you happen to notice how she always manages to sit as close as possible to you? Or how she always finds a way to touch you? It's the little things," she stated, as if it was completely obvious. "Trust me, Edward. She wants you."

"Thanks for the warning, but I'm not worried about it. I have absolutely no interest in her that way. I'm with Bella. Jessica is harmless."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you." Alice grabbed a pitcher off the bar and headed back to the table as I followed.

I shrugged it off. Alice was being paranoid. She had a knack for that.

We stayed at Lahaina's for a few more hours, which ended up being really fun, despite my run-in with Alice. She was still suspicious, I could tell, but she didn't let on to anyone else.

The rest of the gang got along well until it was time to leave. A few hours in the scorching sun of late summer was plenty, and we were all ready to head back to my place for a barbecue. I invited the San Diego gang over, too, so it would be a full house.

I loved having my brother and my Seattle friends in town, but it made the usual pain of missing Bella that much more intense. In Seattle, we were always all together, and so most of our stories included Bella. We had talked about her a lot throughout the course of the day. Their presence here reminded me of simpler, happy times.

Everyone showed up at my house with their hands full of goods to barbecue. We had everything imaginable to eat. Emmett made margaritas by the pitcher, and I grilled as we watched the sunset from my living room balcony, the bright colors accenting the shoreline.

"Edward, I'm awestruck with this view," Alice said, looking out at the beautiful sky. "You're so lucky you found this place."

"I know, isn't it incredible?" I kicked my feet up on the railing. "Sometimes I just sit outside for hours."

"I wish Jasper were here. He'd love this."

I took a sip of my margarita. "I know. It's not the same without Jasper and Bella here, is it? It's always the six of us. It feels weird."

"Yeah, it does. How are things without Bella, anyway?"

"You talk to her all the time, and you definitely see her more than I do."

Alice leaned over and put her hand on my arm. "I mean with you. I know how Bella's doing, but how are you doing?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's been really hard, but we talk a lot."

"She misses you, too. She tries really hard not to show it, but I know her too well. She's just not the same Bella without you. It's like you took a piece of her with you."

I leaned my head back in the chair and sighed. It was nice to have a friend to talk to about this. "God, Alice, I miss her so much it hurts. I have this constant ache in my chest that only seems to ease when I'm talking to her, but it never fully goes away. I know that sounds cheesy, but that's really the way it feels."

"It won't be like this forever, you know."

"I know. But I just want her to move here with me so badly, and there's a part of me that doesn't understand her decision not to. If I could, I would move to be with her in a heartbeat. I'd do anything…I don't know…"

"It's not that simple, Edward. If she didn't love you so much, and think of you first, she would probably be living here right now."

"I know. I've heard the argument." This conversation was depressing.

"I'm serious. She's doing what she thinks is best for you and your future together. She knows how important medicine is to you and doesn't want to be a distraction. She feels like you might not commit as much if you knew she was home alone while you were working."

"That's ridiculous. I don't have to choose. And she wouldn't have to be alone. She'd make friends."

"I agree with you and have told her as much. She'll figure it out. Just give her some time and don't pressure her."

"I'm not pressuring her. I'd never do that. I'm just frustrated. It's just harder than I thought it would be to be away from her." I stood and pretended to clean something off the banister of the balcony.

Alice came up behind me. "Hang in there," she said, rubbing my back. "Things will work out."

I knew Bella missed me. We talked all the time. Still, wondered why it wasn't enough for her to move to San Diego and be with me. I understood she was very involved with her job, but I couldn't help but feel if she loved me enough, she'd come to San Diego for me.

Not wanting to think about it any longer, I excused myself and went into my room to grab a sweatshirt. I emerged from my closet to find Jessica in my room walking toward me. The only light in the room was from the moon shining in the windows and a small table lamp on my bedside table.

"Pretty night, isn't it?" she said, nodding toward the windows, stepping uncomfortably close to me.

I thought back to what Alice said earlier about Jessica's intentions and became uncomfortable.

"Yeah, the view is one of the main reasons I got this place." I walked over to the window to avoid her advance.

She followed me, and before I was able to respond, she had untied her sarong and reached her hands up to my face and tried to kiss me.

_What the hell?_

"What are you doing, Jessica?" I grabbed her hands and backed away from her. "This is…wrong."

"I…I thought you wanted this," Jessica said, her face blushing red.

Why would she have thought that? I'd never given her any indication there was anything more than friendship between us.

"You know I have a girlfriend." I didn't want there to be any misunderstanding.

"Girlfriend? Where? In Seattle? What kind of girlfriend is that? If you were my boyfriend, I'd never let you move halfway across the country from me," she said pointedly.

"Jessica, that's not fair. You don't know Bella." I didn't like her attacking Bella, and I could hear the defensive tone of my voice.

"I can see you're lonely."

I looked away. "Not that lonely. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression of our relationship."

She looked embarrassed and nodded as realization set in. "I'm the one who should apologize. I apologize if I made you feel uncomfortable. I thought we had chemistry. I'm sorry I was wrong, but I think you're an amazing guy, and you deserve someone who's willing to do what it takes to be with you." She turned around to leave the room.

"I appreciate that, but you and I are just friends. I think you're really nice, but that's it. I'm still very much with Bella."

"It's not a big deal. I'm a big girl, and I can handle it, but if you ever change your mind…I'll be here."

With that, Jessica picked up her sarong and left the room. I sat down on the bed, stunned. I hadn't expected that from her, despite Alice's warning. Jessica's advances had left me feeling unsettled – ironic considering this used to be the norm for me - and more alone than ever. If Bella were with me, there would be no confusion and no question that I belonged to her.

I had completely underestimated just how hard the separation from Bella would be. I missed being touched and loved by her. I wanted that closeness with her, but it was hard to recreate over the phone and in emails. I needed her with me.

I walked out of my room and rejoined my friends in the living room. Emmett was his usual happy self, which brought me temporarily out of my funk. Alice was bouncing around, chatting it up with everyone. I decided not to tell Alice about the incident with Jessica, as it would only make her worry for no reason. I had no intention of doing anything with Jessica, no matter how she felt about me, and I tried to avoid her the rest of the time. Thankfully, she seemed to be unconcerned. The rest of the night passed without further incident, and soon it was time for everyone to leave.

We said our goodbyes to the San Diego gang, and everyone wandered back to their respective sleeping quarters.

I closed the door to my room and walked slowly over to the bed. The room was dark and the dim light cast shadows on the wall. As I sat there taking off my shoes, I felt painfully alone. I wanted to hear Bella's voice.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Bella's number. She answered the phone, and all I could hear were the sounds of partying in the background.

"Bella?"

"Hi, baby. It's so good to hear from you. How are you?"

I ran my finger through my hair. "I'm fine. I just miss you."

"Isn't everyone there visiting you right now?"

"No. Everyone's _not_ here. There's a very special person missing, and no, I don't mean Jasper. But yeah, the rest of the gang is here. We were having a barbecue with some of my new friends from work, but everyone's gone to bed."

"Did you have fun today?"

"We did, but having them all here without you makes me miss you even more, if that's possible."

"I'm sorry I couldn't come."

"It's okay. I just really needed to hear your voice. I miss you." I fell back on the bed.

"I miss you, too. Are you all right? You sound miserable."

I wanted to tell her, but I didn't want to burden her.

"I'm fine, I just wanted to call and say hi. Where are you? It sounds loud."

"At the Mandalay Bay casino. We just finished playing Craps, and now we're headed over to the Blackjack tables."

I was jealous. She was out having fun with Jasper. "Sounds like fun. Sorry if I got you at a bad time. Tell Jasper I say hello, and I'll call you when you get back to Seattle."

"It's never a bad time, babe. I'd much rather be talking to you than doing anything else." She paused for a moment. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

"I'm sure. I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye."

"Bye."

I closed the phone, and set it on the bed next to me. She sounded happy without me. And I was miserable. It seemed this separation was harder on me than it was on her. The old Edward would hate how whipped I'd become. I almost didn't recognize myself.

I had to face the truth - this wasn't working.

I knew what I had to do.

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**A/N: Well, I haven't had a cliffie in a while, so I thought I was due! LOL. Let me hear your theories! **

**If you guys haven't seen it, I was interviewed by TwiMuses. Come take a peek. The link is in my profile! Thanks to WTFamIdoing for taking the time to conduct the interview! **

**Thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, and to ellierk, Dana1779, and Sunfeathers, my pre-readers! You guys rock! **

**Next up, we'll see how Bella's doing. **


	26. Chapter 26 Las Vegas

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 26: Las Vegas**

**Bella**

Jasper and I were on our way to Las Vegas for a conference while all of our other friends were going to San Diego to visit Edward. I was insanely jealous of them. I wanted to be the one visiting Edward. But there was no getting around this conference, so I would have to wait another week to see him. I just had to make the most of the situation because there was nothing I could do about it. Thankfully, Jasper was with me, and we could always have a good time together.

It had been a month since Edward had left me standing in the airport on his way to San Diego. My heart had broken watching him go, but I knew I had to do it. I wanted him to have every opportunity to succeed in his career, and to do that he needed to be able to focus. The last month without him had been extremely hard for both of us. We talked everyday, but the distance between us was a strain.

I was pulled from my thoughts by the captain of the airplane announcing our descent into Las Vegas.

"I've never been to Las Vegas, so I'm looking forward to this, even if Alice is in sunny San Diego," Jasper said, looking out the window at the lights of the strip.

I leaned over to see the view out the window. "I love Las Vegas. We'll have a nice time. They put us up in The Mandalay Bay this trip, which is awesome. They have a fantastic pool, among other things. Do you remember the crappy hotel we stayed at last for this conference last year in Chicago? This is a huge improvement."

"I'm not sure I'll have time for the pool this trip," he said, looking at me suspiciously. "I'm going to need your help with something while we're here."

"What are you up to, Jasper?" I looked at him with one eyebrow cocked.

"I'm going to propose to Alice," he said, suddenly beaming. "Will you help me pick out a ring? You're her best friend, so I know you know what she likes."

"Oh my God, Jasper," I screamed and threw my arms around his neck, ignoring the looks from the other travelers. "I'm so excited for you. Of course I'll help you! When are you going to propose?"

"I've wanted to do it for a while, but I couldn't get up the nerve. But she and I have been getting along really well lately, and I think the timing is finally right." His voice was soft, and he looked more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him. "I haven't figured out all the details yet, but it'll have to be good to live up to Alice's expectations."

I chuckled lightly. "I know she talks a lot about everything being perfect, but you know she just wants you. You couldn't possibly disappoint her."

Alice and Jasper were a great couple. They truly brought out the best in each other. I knew Jasper didn't take marriage lightly and had put a lot of thought into their relationship. So the fact that he was so confident about proposing said a lot to me.

"You guys are going to be so happy, Jasper," I said with a huge smile on my face, giving him a hug. "I can't believe you're really going to do it."

"Why not? She and I have a great relationship, and I think this is just the logical next step for us." He looked so happy when he talked about Alice. It was endearing. Alice was an incredibly lucky person to have such a great man.

"You sound so formal," I said, elbowing him in the side as I laughed. "So grown up."

"I just know it's right. I don't have any doubt about that."

"You guys are inspiring," I confessed. "I hope to have what you guys have one day."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he asked, surprised. "You already have it with Edward. I've seen the way you guys are with each other. I'm sure he's thinking long term too. I mean, he did ask you to move halfway across the country with him."

The thought of being with Edward long term made me swoon. "I hope you're right about that."

"I know I'm right. I'm a man. Trust me." He paused and then shrugged. " I'll hand it to him, he surprised me with how much he's changed. The guy's in love with you. Don't get all weird on him."

"What do you mean?" I asked, slightly put off.

Jasper put his hand on my knee. "I love you more than anything, Bella, but you can self-destruct better than anyone I know. Just don't sabotage this. He loves you. He wants you to move to San Diego and live with him. That's got to tell you something."

"That's because he lives there."

Jasper pointed his finger at me menacingly. "That's what I'm talking about. Don't do that. Listen, here's a fact about guys. We don't ask women to move across the country with us out of obligation or convenience. We just don't. If he asked you, it's because he wants you there. He wants you in his future."

Did Edward really think long term like that?

The thought of Edward proposing to me made me giddy. I believed that we had what it would take to make it in the long run, but we had so many other things to talk about that marriage seemed a long way off.

I had never really even thought much about marriage; unlike Alice who had her entire wedding planned by the time she was twelve. I always assumed I'd get married one day, but it seemed like something on the horizon- you could get closer, but you never arrived. Marriage was such a huge commitment, and I had never met anyone I could see myself with forever. That is, until New York. Edward made me feel safe and loved, and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

We finally landed and got our stuff together as we headed toward our hotel. Our company put us up at nice places most of the time, but there had been a few lemons. So I was excited about staying at The Mandalay Bay. I'd gambled there before but never stayed there. Once we checked in, we met up with James and Victoria from our New York office at the bar in the casino. We had planned on having dinner with them before the conference started the next day.

"Hey guys, how was your flight?" I asked as we walked towards where they waited in front of the restaurant.

"Long," James answered, smiling at me. "But at least we're in a fun place this time. It could have been a lot worse. Do you remember the conference in Chicago last year when it was thirty below zero?"

"How could I forget? I've never been that cold." I wrapped my arms around myself in a fake shiver.

The restaurant was at the top of the hotel and had incredible views of the strip. The sheer quantity of lights on the strip in Las Vegas was a sight to behold. We ordered cocktails and began to catch up. I had known them since I started at my company and whenever there were events like this, we always got together. James told me how he'd moved to the upper west side, and I filled him in on Edward.

"So, Jasper has some exciting news," I said happily, as everyone turned to look at him. I knew Jasper wouldn't mind sharing his news with them.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do. I'm going to propose to my girlfriend, Alice." He beamed with pride. "I think you both met her at the Christmas party last year."

Nodding, they smiled at Jasper, and James raised his glass to toast.

"To Jasper getting engaged," James toasted, and then looked at me. "And to good friends."

Our glasses clinked, and we all took sips of our drinks, Victoria and James taking turns congratulating Jasper. I felt jealous but tried not to take away from Jasper's night.

Edward had said things to me about me being in his life forever and vague things like that, but he never actually talked about getting married. I had no idea how he even felt about marriage. Since he'd never even had a girlfriend, it had never come up.

Ever since Jasper and I talked about his upcoming proposal on the plane, I couldn't stop thinking about Edward and me. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect than being Edward's wife, and I wondered if the thought had crossed his mind.

I shook my head and sighed. As painful as it was to hear, Jasper was right - I did tend to over analyze things. I mean, Edward and I hadn't been together that long, and we didn't even live in the same city.

After dinner we decided to gamble some, and then later we were heading to a club. The Vegas club scene didn't get happening until pretty late, so we had some time.

Just then my phone rang, and I fumbled to answer it.

_Ah, Edward._

We spoke for a few minutes, but there was something off with him. He didn't sound like himself. I knew he'd been working a ton of hours at the hospital, but it seemed like something else. I thought having everyone there would cheer him up, but he seemed sad. Maybe he was drunk.

Jasper looked at me as I hung up, curious about my call.

"Is everything okay, Bella?" He looked concerned.

"I'm not sure. That was Edward, but he didn't sound like himself. Even with his brother and Rose and Alice there visiting, he sounded almost sad or upset." I was worried, wondering what could have been wrong.

"I'm sure he just misses you and wanted to say hi," Jasper assured me.

"Yeah, that's what he said. It was just weird, that's all. He said he'd call me when I got back to Seattle." I was still puzzled, but I didn't want to give Jasper any more fuel to lecture me on over-thinking everything.

I was counting down the days until I could see Edward again. My body ached for him, and I longed for his soft touch. I had spent most of my nights away from him fantasizing about him. There were nights when my dreams were so real I would wake up in a daze and actually look for Edward, only to find my room empty.

We got to the club just as it was getting really busy, and James proceeded to buy everyone a round of tequila shots. I'd never been much of a shot person and really didn't have the tolerance built up to be able to handle it, but I drank it anyway. It numbed some of the emptiness I felt being so far away from Edward. It seemed like the shots just kept on coming, so I kept on drinking. On some subconscious level, I knew it wouldn't make Edward magically appear, but it was just nice to feel numb for a little while.

I felt a little bit queasy after all the drinks, so I decided a trip to the bathroom was in order. I stumbled up to the sink and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

_Good God, Bella, you are drunk. Time to go home._

I splashed some water on my face and straightened up my clothes, hoping it would help me with my balance. Right out of the bathroom door, I stumbled and almost ran into James who was also on his way back to the table. He steadied me and wrapped his arms around me. The room was spinning a bit, and I appreciated his help.

"I think it's time to go home, champ," James said, laughing at my clumsiness. "Let's find Jasper."

He walked me over to where Jasper was sitting and handed me off to him, apparently believing me too drunk to stand on my own.

"What the hell happened to you?" Jasper asked, smirking at me.

"I just had a few too many shots, that's all," I mumbled, my words slurring.

Jasper threw his arms around my waist to hold me up. "Okay gorgeous, let's go back to the room."

I whole-heartedly agreed.

I suddenly felt sappy. "Jasper, you're such a good friend. I love you so much, and I can't wait for you to marry Alice," I slurred, barely comprehensible.

Jasper just laughed as he helped me walk.

He maneuvered me back to my room and helped me get my shoes off as I crashed onto the bed. I didn't drink like that very often, and I hated being so out of control. I was just feeling so sorry for myself and the drinks kept coming. I knew I was going to feel terrible the next day.

"I miss Edward so much it physically hurts," I tried to tell Jasper, but it probably came out a less coherent than I thought.

Jasper just gave me a small hug and said, "I know, sweetheart. I know."

Once he got me ready for bed, he patted my leg and stood up to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll swing by, and we can grab some coffee before we have to be at the conference."

The door closed behind Jasper, and my head fell back onto the pillow.

I felt the tears coming as I lay there.

The situation I was in was such a disaster. I loved Edward deeply, but he lived a thousand miles away. He had asked me to come live with him, and I had denied him so he could follow his dreams while I figured out my professional life. I wanted Edward. I wanted to wake up in his arms everyday and know that he was mine. I wanted to make love to him and show him how much I loved him. But he wasn't here, so I couldn't do any of those things.

The room was dark, and I crawled into the king-sized bed, feeling cold and alone.

I almost pulled out my phone to call Edward, but I knew he'd be asleep, and I didn't want to wake him. I really wanted to hear his voice. Somewhere in my mental debate, I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up with a colossal hangover and immediately took three Advil to make my headache go away.

I cursed myself for drinking all those shots.

We had to go to our conference, and then I'd promised Jasper I'd go ring shopping with him. I really did want to help him, but ring shopping for someone else was going to be horribly depressing for me.

Jasper came by and got me, as promised, and thankfully only made a few wise cracks about how drunk I had been. By the time he arrived, I needed an IV of coffee but settled for a Venti Latte at the first Starbucks we saw. The conference was torture. I almost fell asleep several times, and between Jasper and James, I was practically being propped up. I couldn't believe how much I had drunk the night before. Drowning my sorrows was obviously not the answer.

I made it through the conference, miraculously, thanks to my friends. I was thrilled to be out of there. Jasper had been so sweet the entire day, taking notes for me and helping me stay awake. I was in bad shape. All I wanted to do was go to bed.

We headed to the Forum Shops where there were a bunch of jewelers. Jasper was so excited, and it was endearing to see him like that. I was so happy he'd found someone who loved him and treated him the way he deserved.

"So, do you know what kind of ring you want to get her?" I asked, elbowing him lightly.

He shook his head and shrugged. "I have no idea. Why do you think I brought you along?"

I brought my hand up to my chin and tapped my cheek with my finger. "Well, if I know Alice, she'll want something completely unique."

He nodded at me, smiling. "At least you understand my challenge."

We perused the jewelers' cases looking at several rings and got a few ideas, but nothing seemed to be the right fit. I could tell Jasper was getting discouraged. We finally ended up at Tiffany, and I was confident that they'd have something beautiful. They always did.

Then I saw it. The perfect ring.

"Hey, what about this one?" I asked, pointing at the case. "She'd love that."

He walked over and peered down, smiling. Apparently he agreed with my assessment. The ring had three emerald-cut stones, the center stone being the largest, flanked by two smaller ones. The center stone was a brilliant green emerald, which sparkled brilliantly. The two smaller stones were diamonds. The band was platinum and reflected the light, accenting the gorgeous stones it held.

Jasper flagged down the clerk, and she pulled out the ring for him to hold. He put it on the tip of his finger and held it up to the light. I couldn't help but smile as he considered the ring.

"This is the one," he said, handing it to the clerk.

She took the ring and walked away to wrap it up.

"You must having been saving a while for that," I said.

"I have. I want her to have something she loves."

"You are too sweet!" I perused the other jewelry while we waited. "So, have you thought more about how you want to propose?"

"Knowing Alice, she's probably expecting a big affair, but I want it to be intimate. I'm thinking about taking her down to the water at sunset. I'm not sure yet," he said, fidgeting with a brochure on the counter.

"As long as it's from your heart, Alice will love it," I assured him.

He sighed. "I hope so. I don't want to disappoint her."

"Jasper, she gets to marry you. Trust me, she won't be disappointed." I put my arm around his shoulders and gave him a squeeze.

We left the store, Jasper clutching the small bag tightly, and headed back to our rooms.

"Let's meet up for dinner in an hour or so," he said, standing at my hotel room door.

"Yeah, sounds good."

I closed the door and walked into my room. The lights of the strip were already on and illuminating my room. I sat down in a chair and let my head fall back.

Shopping with Jasper for a ring was fun, and I was honored he wanted my opinion, but it did nothing for my state of mind. My friends were in San Diego with my boyfriend, and I was here. I needed to be close to Edward again. The distance between us was difficult for me to bear. Even though we talked on the phone, it was the little details I missed- the funny, trivial things that happened throughout the day that added up to intimacy. I didn't have that anymore, and I craved it. I missed him desperately.

_This isn't working._

I knew what I had to do.

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**A/N: I think I lost some readers with the teaser last week. There's a lot of Bella hate going around! But now we know Bella's just as miserable as Edward. Perhaps it's time for a change? On another note, don't you just love this Jasper? *swoon*  
**

**Thanks to my peeps this week for all your support! I love you guys more than I can say! **

**In case you don't know, I respond to every review, so if you're reading and haven't reviewed yet, please do! I really appreciate the feedback – it makes me feel like there's an audience! **

**Next up…they collide!**


	27. Chapter 27 Decisions

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 27: Decisions**

Edward

I woke up to the sun shining in my window. It was not a welcome sight. I was exhausted – a combination of insomnia and crazy work hours. Today was my day off, and I sorely needed the rest.

Alice, Emmett and Rosalie had left a few days before, and I was sad to see them go. It was great having them here, even if I had to work a lot of the time. They all seemed to like San Diego, which hopefully meant they'd be down to visit often.

I had been working non-stop since they left, which helped to keep my mind off things with Bella. It wasn't like we were fighting or anything, but her absence was crushing. She was coming down this weekend, and I was both excited and nervous about how things would go. The distance between us was taking its toll on me, and I really needed to see her to get some things off my chest.

I stumbled into the kitchen, still angry about being awake at all, and grabbed a cup of coffee. I stared out at the ocean from my balcony as I lazily finished my coffee. It was a beautiful day, and I needed to relax, so I decided to go to the beach. I got into my trunks, grabbed my stuff, and walked the ten steps to the beach. I set up and pulled out the book I'd been trying to read since I got here but hadn't had the time. The smell of the ocean was intoxicating - a combination of fish and freshness. There was a slight breeze that cooled off my skin, countering the hot rays of the sun. It was nice to relax, and I felt at ease for the first time since my friends left.

As I sat there on the beach, thoughts of Bella filled my head. I thought about the first time we had been together in New York and how far we'd come since then. I thought about the mistakes I'd made once we got back and how they had almost cost me the best thing I'd ever had. We had such a good thing together. The timing of my move couldn't have been worse, and I hoped it wasn't going to ruin my relationship with Bella. I felt trapped. The worry had ruined my all too precious sleep for several nights.

After several hours in the sun, I decided it was time to head home. I couldn't escape my thoughts, even on the beach. I gathered up my things and started walking toward my condo. As I neared the complex, I could see someone sitting on the steps leading up to my door but couldn't make out the face. I squinted to try and make it come into focus. It looked like Bella: her shape, her hair, her mannerisms, the way she was sitting, but she wasn't due in town until Friday, and it was only Wednesday.

I missed her so much; I must have been hallucinating.

The person stood up and walked toward me.

Even the way she walked was like Bella.

As she walked toward me, she finally came into focus.

Bella.

"Oh my God, you're really here," I said, running to close the distance between us. I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. "I thought I'd had too much sun there for a minute. What are you doing here? I thought you weren't coming until Friday?"

I kept pulling back to look at her, still shocked she was here.

"I came early. I had to see you." She sounded almost nervous as she held me.

I leaned back just enough so I could kiss her soft lips. It had been way too long since I'd been with her. She sighed against me and deepened the kiss, clutching my back tightly. I was overcome with emotion. Her kisses made me melt. She was really here.

"I'm so happy to see you," I said, stopping the kiss but keeping a firm hold on her, "but why didn't you call? I could have come and gotten you."

She looked down hesitantly.

"I didn't fly, I drove," she said softly.

"What? All the way from Washington? By yourself? Why?" I was worried about her making the trek alone.

"Because I had too much stuff to fly. Plus, I'll need my car here." She shrugged, a smile coming to her face.

I was lost. "Wha…"

She reached up and cupped my face in her hands. "I'm staying here, Edward. I'm staying here with you."

My mind couldn't process what she was telling me. Was she really moving here to be with me? Was that what she meant? I wanted it to be true, but it seemed so unreal.

"Bella? What are you saying?" I had to hear the words.

"I love you, Edward, and I can't live without you. When I talked to you last week when I was in Las Vegas, you sounded so sad. I realized I should have been here to comfort you. I hate being without you, so I packed up my stuff and drove down here."

I was stunned. For a moment, I couldn't even speak. It was really happening. "Bella…I…"

She put her finger on my lips to shut me up. "I'm sorry you've been by yourself to deal with all this change. I hope you know it had nothing to do with me not wanting to be here."

"I know that. Everything's happened so quickly. I didn't blame you."

"I'm still sorry. I'd…I mean, I know we talked about this briefly…but…I…"

I rubbed her back to encourage her to continue. "What is it, Bella?"

She looked down at the ground. "I'd like to live with you, if you'll still have me," she said, the last part of her comment sounding worried.

My heart soared. I had hoped since I left that she would change her mind and decide to be with me. I knew it was a huge sacrifice for her, but one I selfishly wanted her to make. I had no choice about where to live for the next couple of years, and the thought of not having her with me was unbearable.

"Still have you? Are you crazy?" I exclaimed, hugging her tightly. "I'm never going to let you go again."

I didn't know how much time had passed as we kissed and embraced each other in the middle of the street, but I couldn't concentrate on anything except the incredible woman in my arms. I didn't care if the entire world was watching us at that moment. Bella was here with me, she was staying, and that was all that mattered.

I couldn't wipe the huge smile off my face as I picked up my stuff and motioned for her to follow me up the stairs to my condo.

"Welcome home, Bella." It sounded so right.

Bella looked around, inspecting everything. "I like what you've done with the place. It looks really nice."

I still couldn't grasp what was happening. "It's so much better now that you're here."

I was going to live with Bella. The thought was crazy but so perfect.

I

I bustled around, picking up my stray clothes and straightening up as I went. I didn't want her to think I was a slob. She laughed as I nervously fluffed and folded. I was just so excited.

"It's okay, Edward. I've seen how you live. You don't have to worry about impressing me."

I extended my hand to her. "I just want you to feel at home. Let's get you unpacked."

Unpacked. For good.

She had a small U-Haul filled with her things, and we spent the next hour unloading boxes and suitcases. It was surreal to be moving Bella in into my place. Our place. I could actually wake up to her everyday.

She unloaded a few bathroom items and got into the shower to get cleaned up, while I made us something light to eat. It was late afternoon, and the sun would be setting soon. I couldn't wait to watch the sunset together - from _our_ place.

She walked out of the room, her wet hair cascading down her back, dressed only in my shirt.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"You know how much I like to see you in my clothes," I said, walking to close the distance between us, my body reacting in its typical fashion.

"Well, I didn't have anything else unpacked, and I didn't want to put back on the same clothes," she said, twirling around as if showing off a high fashion outfit. "You don't mind, do you?

She flashed me a knowing grin.

I ran my hands up her arms. "I definitely don't mind. You look hot!"

"You look hot, too. I like those trunks," she said, pointing to my shorts.

She walked over to the counter and hopped up to sit on the counter. I followed her and took up where I'd left off cooking.

She swung her legs, distracting me. "What are you making?"

"Nothing fancy, just quesadillas," I replied. How was I supposed to concentrate with her gorgeous legs so close to me?

"Can they wait?" she asked deviously, reaching over to run her hand through my hair.

Fuck yes, they can.

I dropped the knife and moved to stand between her legs. She threw her arms around my neck and began to kiss me passionately. My hands roamed her bare thighs, and I could feel myself getting impossibly hard.

"Let's go to our room," I panted, as I helped her off the counter.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me quickly into the bedroom. Once we got there, she stopped and turned around as I reached for her shirt and pulled it over her head. She stood before me in just her lacy underwear, and I became frantic with need. God, I had missed her.

Her hands went to my shirt, and I raised my arms to allow her to take it off.

"Mmm, I've dreamed of this," she muttered as she ran her hands down my bare chest.

Glad I wasn't the only one.

Her fingers reached the waistband of my trunks, and she unbuttoned them and slid them off slowly. I put my arms around her back, gazing at her intensely as I backed us both over to the bed. Her legs hit, and she feel back lying flat, her arms outstretched to encourage me to join her.

I wasted no time and ran my hands up her legs until my fingers clutched her underwear, slowly easing them down. I allowed my fingers to graze her silky legs as I moved her underwear down. My eyes never left her eyes, and the smirk on her face let me know she was enjoying my touch.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I said softly.

A seductive smile crept onto her face. "So are you, but you're awfully far away."

I didn't need to be told twice.

I moved my hands slowly back up her legs, finally coming to rest at the top of her thighs, my thumbs grazing where I knew she wanted me the most. "Well, let me see if I can fix that."

I slowly moved up her body, leaving one hand between her legs, rubbing her slick folds gently. I kissed her cheek and neck softly, breathing in her scent. Her hips moved in time with my fingers as she moaned.

She arched her back and sighed. "That feels so good, baby."

Encouraged, I slipped a finger inside her and began to move it. The feeling was incredible, and I couldn't wait to make her mine again. I kissed down her neck and moved to her breast. My lips circled and finally took her firm nipple into my mouth, sucking and licking. She tasted sweet, and I couldn't get enough.

"These," I whispered in between kisses, "are fucking delicious."

"I need you so much. Oh, God," she moaned, writhing from my touch.

I moved over her, grabbing both of her hands in one of mine, and lifted them above her head. My hard cock was at her entrance, and I could feel her slickness coating the tip, beckoning me. I pushed into her, and our eyes locked. We both moaned and pressed against each other. The sensation of being inside her again was so powerful that I had to hold still to avoid coming right then.

"Edward, please," she breathed, "move."

I had to focus. She felt too good. I tentatively began to move, still not sure I could control myself. Gaining confidence in my ability to maintain my control, I began to establish a rhythm. My movements were slow, yet powerful and deliberate. Each thrust moved me further inside of her. I inched my free hand up her body and joined it with hers above her head. Our fingers intertwined as I continued to pump and move inside of her. Her eyes fluttered open and closed as she took in the sensations. She looked incredible beneath me, and I wanted nothing more than to please her.

Her body began to tighten, and I could tell she was close to orgasm, so I picked up my pace and thrust forcefully into her. She arched her back and screamed out as her orgasm rushed through her, causing her body to pulse tightly around me. I thrust a final time and spilled into her, my orgasm rocking me completely.

I fell down on top of her, unable to move as her arms came around my body to my back, rubbing it gently. It was blissful.

"Bella…that was…incredible," I whispered in her ear.

She kissed my shoulder and clutched me tightly. "I've missed you so much. I don't ever want to be away from you again."

"You don't have to be." I rested my forehead on hers as my breathing returned to normal. The moment was perfect.

The sun was setting, and I wanted to share it with Bella, so we both got cleaned up and dressed. I finished making the quesadillas as Bella poured a couple of glasses of wine. The utter domesticity of the scene would have freaked me out six months ago, but with her, it felt right.

We brought our plates out to the balcony and ate, watching the sky turn into a brilliant display of oranges, golds and reds.

"It's so beautiful here," she said reverently.

I reached over to grab her hand. "I can't tell you how glad I am you're here."

She smiled and gave my hand a quick squeeze. "Me, too."

We sat there for a few hours, enjoying our wine and each other's company. It was as if no time had passed.

Finally, we both decided it was time for bed, and we moved inside, locked up and turned off all the lights.

I held out my hand to lead her down the dark hallway to our room.

Our room.

She went into the bathroom to begin her nightly marathon bedtime routine, which I had surprisingly missed, while I changed into my pajamas. She emerged wearing a short silky nightgown, which was incredibly sexy.

"Found your clothes, did you?" I smirked at her.

"I wanted to celebrate our first night living together," she said unapologetically as she walked across the room.

"You look beautiful," I said, as I watched her approach.

She smiled widely. "I'm glad you like it."

We both climbed into bed, and she rested her head on my shoulder and curled her body up next to mine. I pulled her into my side, rubbing her back as I kissed the top of her head. I felt at ease and completely peaceful for the first time in over a month.

She looked up at me with a curious look on her face, while her hand rubbed circles on my chest. "Edward, can I ask you something?"

I sat up slightly to get a better look at her. She sounded so serious. "Anything. What's on your mind?"

"You know that first night we got together in New York?" She looked self-conscious. "Well… I was wondering…I mean…you never told me why you suddenly decided to try to have sex with me. Why then? Why after all that time?"

I chuckled to myself, feeling relieved, remembering that night as though it were yesterday.

"Oh. Is that all? You had me worried there for a minute." I put my hand behind my head as I began to tell her about the events of that night. "Well, I was lying next to you, and we were both asleep. We'd slept in the same bed a ton of times, and I was okay with it. Anyway, I was woken up by the sound of your voice. You were…uh…talking in your sleep, and I sort of lost it." I knew she'd be embarrassed if I told her the truth, so I was intentionally vague.

"Talking in my sleep?" She sat up, propping herself up on her elbows. "What kind of talking?"

So much for being vague. "Oh yeah, it was very…insightful."

She hid her face in her hands. "Oh God. What did I do?"

I pulled her hands away, forcing her to look at me. "You were making the most amazing little moans and groans. I wondered what was causing you to moan like that. It was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. Then you moaned my name in the most erotic way, and I realized you were having a sex dream."

"Oh my God! I'm so embarrassed."

"Don't be. I wouldn't have ever made a move if it weren't for that dream of yours. It was so hot I couldn't help myself. When I heard my name come from your mouth again, all breathy and filled with desire, I had to touch you. I had to feel you. I wanted to be the reason you were making those noises, not a dream," I said, as I ran my fingers slowly down her cheek to her jaw to soothe her.

She shook her head and a deep blush graced her face. I put my other hand behind my head, enjoying the moment. I was smug; I couldn't help it.

"I can't believe you heard that. That's seriously embarrassing. I'd had dreams about you so many times, but I never thought you'd actually hear me."

I liked her confession. A lot. "Don't be self-conscious, Bella. Like I said before, if I hadn't heard you, we probably wouldn't be together right now. New York was just the beginning for us."

Her confidence returned as she laid her head on my chest. "Well then, I guess my embarrassment wasn't for nothing. I'm glad I had that dream, and that you were bold enough to go for it."

"It's funny how things work out. I'd have never pictured us living together like this, but I'm really happy."

She rested her chin on her hand on my chest and looked up into my eyes. "I'm still in shock. This is our place…crazy!"

I kissed the top of her head, letting my lips linger there. "Thank you, Bella. For this…for everything."

**A/N: So what did you think? Did it live up to your expectations? Only two more chapters left, so if you haven't already done so, please leave me a review and let me know what you think!**

**Thanks, as always, to my beta, Viola Cornuta. Without her, this story wouldn't be nearly as good! Also, much love to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779. **

**Next up, we'll see how the happy couple likes living together! **


	28. Chapter 28 Plans

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 28: Plans**

**Bella**

Jasper and I had gotten home late from Las Vegas, and I was exhausted. He came straight my place with me since Alice had also gotten home the same day, and they were anxious to see each other. I couldn't contain my jealousy that they were reunited, and I would sleep alone.

We opened the door, and before we could even put our stuff down, Alice threw herself on Jasper.

"Oh my God, it's so good to see you. I missed you so much, baby," Alice muttered in between kisses.

Jasper squeezed her tightly, and I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. "Mmm, I missed you, too," he said. "I'm sorry I couldn't go with you to San Diego. I want to hear all about it, though."

Feeling a third wheel, I slid past them and walked into my room.

I fell down on my bed and looked around the room. After a lot of internal debate, I'd made the decision to move to San Diego. It was such a big change, and I didn't even know if Edward still wanted me there. He'd asked me to come, and I knew he was sincere, but would the reality of living together live up to his expectations? As worried as I was about it, I knew I'd regret it if I didn't go to him and try to make things work between us. The distance was driving a wedge in our relationship, and I couldn't sit by and allow that to happen.

Especially after our last conversation, I knew my place was with him. Still, I couldn't believe I was actually going to leave Seattle.

The next day at work, I walked into my boss's office and handed him my resignation letter.

"What's this?" he asked, looking confused.

"I'm resigning. I'm moving to San Diego." I hoped this wasn't a mistake.

"What's in San Diego?"

I sighed. "My life."

"Well, I'm sorry to see you go, Bella. You've been a wonderful employee."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm happy to work for the next couple of weeks to help you transition my accounts," I said professionally.

"As far as transitions go, Jasper can handle your accounts. As you know, it's not our policy to allow employees to remain in contact with their accounts once notice is given, so we'll pay you for the next two weeks, but I will have to ask you to clean out your desk and leave the premises. I hope you understand; it's nothing personal."

I did understand and almost expected it. Many companies operated in a similar fashion. They were worried lame duck employees would take proprietary information with them and provide it to competitors. I was hoping he'd allow me to leave without working for the next two weeks and was glad to hear him say it. I wanted to get my plans underway.

I didn't see Jasper the rest of the day and was nervous for that conversation.

It was late in the evening by the time I heard from him. I was in my bedroom packing when I heard Jasper and Alice come home. I knew from the footsteps coming down the hall that Alice was on her way to my room. Her light step was unmistakable.

The door to my room flung open, and a giddy Alice stood in front of me, shoving her left hand in my face.

"Bella, look at my hand!" Alice squealed.

Of course, the ring was there.

I couldn't stop the huge smile that came across my face, as well as the tears that began to well up in my eyes. Alice looked so happy, and I loved Jasper like a brother. "Oh, Alice, I'm so happy for you! You and Jasper are going to be so happy."

Jasper stood in the doorway by that point and had his arms crossed.

"So, what's this I hear about you quitting today?" he asked, suspiciously.

I shrugged. "News travels fast."

Alice looked at me as if I had just grown a second head. "Did you get another job?"

"Not exactly. I'm going to San Diego."

She threw her arms around me and gave me a hug. "I think you're making the right decision," she whispered into my ear. "He loves you."

I pulled back and alternated looking between Alice and Jasper. "I had to do it. I need Edward. I don't want to be two states away anymore, and I know if the tables were turned, he'd move to be with me. I owe it to him. I owe it to us to give us a fighting chance." The tears flowed from my eyes.

"I've been wondering how long you'd hold out." She looked at Jasper and smiled. "You owe me twenty bucks."

_What the hell?_

Jasper, recognizing my confusion, cleared the air. "We had a little wager on how long it would take you to move. I said you'd last at least three months, but Alice said it would be sooner. I'm glad I was wrong. This is the right thing for you, Bella."

He walked over to me and gave me a hug.

I was barely able to contain my tears. "Thanks, Jasper. I appreciate it."

"So, when are you leaving?" Alice asked.

"Tomorrow. I don't want to wait any longer than I have to," I said confidently. "Of course, I still have a lot of packing to finish by then."

"Well, we won't keep you." Alice walked toward the door with Jasper. "We'll see you off tomorrow then. Don't worry about the apartment. Jasper's is moving in here. We were going to talk to you about it anyway. You just go and worry about your man, okay?"

I smiled sincerely at Alice. I was going to miss both of them so much. "Thanks, guys. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

I was sad thinking about leaving them as well as Rosalie and Emmett, but I knew tomorrow would be the start of a new journey.

I packed until the wee hours of the morning and closed my eyes for the precious few hours of sleep I would get that night.

The morning came too soon, and I cried as I said goodbye to my friends. Of course I'd see them again, but it would be different living in a strange city without them.

The car ride took just over two days, and I was exhausted. I drove as much as possible, only stopping to sleep when absolutely necessary. I was so anxious to get to Edward, and by the time I arrived in San Diego, I felt like a complete zombie. I couldn't wait to see him and was a little nervous about what he would think of my surprise. I was pretty sure he still wanted this, and I was anxious to see his reaction. Edward and I had talked on the phone and texted the past two days, but I didn't tell him I was on my way down. He'd have worried for no reason, and I wanted to surprise him.

I parked the U-Haul and tentatively walked up the steps to Edward's house. I rang the doorbell, but he wasn't home. His Volvo was parked in the driveway, though, so I knew he wasn't far. I sat down on the steps and waited.

A million thoughts went through my head, and I was suddenly very nervous to see Edward. What if he changed his mind?

I saw him walking up from the beach, and my stomach was tied in knots. He looked perplexed as he walked across the street, as though trying to place my face. I stood up and walked toward him, needing desperately to feel him, to know I was still welcome.

He smiled widely as the recognition came to his face, and my worries faded somewhat. He was happy to see me! Before I knew it, I was wrapped up in his arms.

He looked completely stunned by my presence. I began to explain what I was doing, still slightly concerned about this. I wasn't one for making such grand gestures, so I needed to know how he felt about all this. It was a big step – one I hoped he fully understood and was ready for.

Thankfully, he hugged me tightly and seemed thrilled by my idea to move and be with him. I finally felt as if our lives were on the path we were meant to follow.

He kissed me passionately, despite the fact we were standing in the middle of the street in front of his condo. It was the first time I'd felt truly happy since he'd left, and I knew my decision had been the right one. He was home to me.

He led me up the stairs to his place, all excited and jittery. It was cute how nervous he was. He'd done a very nice job decorating it, and it felt very warm and welcoming. It occurred to me that the reason his condo felt homey was because Edward was here. He could have lived in a cardboard box, and it would still have felt like home to me.

Once again I was hit with the feeling that this is where I was meant to be.

We spent the afternoon relaxing together. We made love, he cooked me dinner, we watched the sunset. It was the perfect way to end this crazy day. This morning I'd awoken in some cheap roadside motel, full of worry and doubt, and tonight, I was living in my new home with Edward. What a difference a day made.

Edward was nice enough to let me sleep in. I needed the sleep; the drive had nearly killed me. By the time I got up, Edward was already at work. There was a note on the fridge from him.

_B~_

_I wanted to wake you up and have my way with you this morning, but you looked so peaceful I couldn't do it. Then I remembered that you're going to be here every morning, so I didn't feel so bad. BTW, that thought makes me insanely happy._

_I'll be home by 6:00. Let's have a nice dinner. No quesadillas tonight._

_Text me later._

_~E_

I clutched the paper to my chest as if it contained a piece of him. The thought of waking up everyday with him had a smile plastered across my face.

I walked to a local coffee shop and began the arduous task of looking for a job. My boss had given me a few recommendations, so I drafted some emails and updated my resume. I hoped I could find something I liked.

The day flew by, and by 6:00, I was anxious to see Edward. I looked at my watch and tried not to seem too desperate for him. He walked through the door, looking absolutely amazing in his scrubs. How could something so plain make him look so delectable?

"Hi," he said as he put his stuff down on the dining room table. "How was your day?"

I chuckled at the domestic scene. It was so couple-y, in a 1950's kind of way. "Fine, dear. Why don't you go put your feet up? I have your slippers ready." I mocked, in my best June Cleaver voice.

He rolled his eyes, not paying any mind to my little wife routine. "Did you get out at all?"

"I went over to Pannikin Coffee and sent out some resumes. Nothing special."

I poured us each a glass of wine, and together, we walked out onto the balcony. I had a feeling I would be spending a lot of time out there.

"There's a place not far from here that I'd like to take you for dinner. Are you up for it?"

Other than the coffee shop, I hadn't really gotten out much during the day, so I was looking forward to it.

We changed quickly and finished our wine as the sun set. It was nice not to feel rushed. We had all the time in the world.

The restaurant was in La Jolla, up on the cliff overlooking the beach and rugged coastline. It was a weekday, so the crowds were manageable, and we got a very nice table by the window.

"So what do you think of San Diego?" he asked me as he held my hand across the table. "Think you can call it home?"

I leaned forward to get closer to him. "My home is where you are."

He pulled my hand up and kissed my knuckle. "I like that."

Dinner was relaxing; we talked and laughed, celebrating the fact that we were finally together.

After he paid the check we stood to leave. "Let's walk around for a little bit. There are some nice places to sit along the boardwalk, and we can walk off dinner," he said.

I was feeling extremely fully, so that sounded nice. Plus, I really hadn't seen all that much of La Jolla. The reflection of the moon danced off the water we walked hand in hand along the cliff's edge.

We came to a bench and decided to sit and take in the view. It was a warm night, so even with the breeze off the ocean, I was comfortable.

"So…uh…I…" Edward stuttered, seeming suddenly uneasy.

"What's up?"

He reached into his pocket, and I turned to face him. He looked serious, which made me nervous.

"Is everything okay, babe?" I asked.

He laughed and looked down. "Yeah…everything's okay."

At that moment, he pulled out a small velvet box from his jacket pocket.

"I've been thinking a lot about this since you left. And then the other night when I talked to you…I was just…so unhappy without you. I wanted to do this right, but I don't want to wait any longer."

My throat went dry, and I struggled to breathe.

He looked up at me with the most sincere expression I'd ever seen. "Bella, I love you more than I ever thought possible."

I leaned toward him, realization setting in. "Edward…I…"

"Shhh…let me finish. This past month has been so hard. I've hated being away from you. I've missed everything about you. I've missed holding you while you slept and waking up with you in my arms. I've even missed waiting for you to finish your marathon bathroom routine. But if there's anything good that's come out of it, it's the realization that I never want to be apart from you again."

I was unable to speak, still processing what was happening, so he continued talking. "I feel incredibly lucky that you want to be with me. I don't deserve you, but I'll take it. I want you in my life forever. I never thought I'd feel this way. I want you to be the mother of my children, and I never even knew I wanted kids until I met you. I want to grow old with you. I want to love you forever."

I was sobbing right out in public, and I didn't care.

"I know this isn't the proposal you probably wanted…and I know we haven't been together that long…but… I've never been more sure about anything in my life." He looked down briefly and then back up again. "I didn't want to wait any longer."

_Proposal. Holy Shit._

He got down on one knee in front of me. "Will you marry me?" His voice cracked, and I could tell this was as nerve-wracking for him as it was for me.

He put the small box in my hand and watched as the tears streamed down my face.

"Edward…I…" I couldn't speak.

"Are you going to open it?" he asked nervously.

I opened it to reveal a round cut solitaire diamond, set in a platinum band. It was simple, yet classic. I wasn't a big jewelry person, so he'd picked out the perfect ring for me.

I gasped and smiled through my tears as I wiped my eyes and tried to find the words to say.

"Is that a yes?"

I put my hands on the sides of his face and kissed him. "Yes, Edward. That's a yes."

He put his forehead on mine and sighed. "I was worried you'd think it was too soon."

The tears were free-falling as I shook my head. "When it's right, it's right."

I couldn't describe the feeling if I tried. The most amazing man I knew had just asked me to marry him. I would be afforded the chance to spend everyday making him happy and vice versa.

Some people might have said we were moving too fast, but I knew.

I knew beyond a doubt what we had was meant to be.

"You've just made me the happiest I've ever been," he said, caressing my cheeks and wiping my tears.

"I love you so much," I said, leaning into his hand on my cheek.

"Bella, I promise you I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy. We belong together."

I pulled the ring out of the box and handed it to him.

"Will you put it on?" I held out my left hand.

He smiled as he slipped it on my finger, and then grabbed my hands, squeezing tightly as he sat next to me on the bench.

"You amaze me. Truly. I didn't even know it was possible to feel like this. I feel like the lucky one here, so you're stuck with me."

"That's the idea." His smile made my insides tingle.

"I'll follow you anywhere you go. My home is with you now and always."

"Bella…"

He kissed me softly, and I never wanted the moment to end.

My husband.

Edward was going to be my husband.

Unbelievable.

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**A/N: Awww, he proposed! Now we know what he "had to do" from a couple of chapters ago – buy a ring! **

**I've been asked about writing an outtake or two and want to get your feedback. Some of my ideas are listed below. Let me know which ones you'd like to see (even if it's not listed) and I'll put something together.**

**Outtake ideas:**

**Bella gets introduced to his friends, including Jessica**

**Future shot- kids, etc.**

**Alice and Jasper's Wedding**

**Thanks to my beta, Viola Cornuta, for making my words pretty, and to my pre-readers, Sunfeathers, ellierk, and Dana1779 for making me smile when I should be nervous! **

**Depending on the outtake idea that I end up going with, I might post that before the epilogue. I'll just have to see what you guys want. So don't forget to hit review and cast your vote!**


	29. Chapter 29 Forever

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 29: Forever**

**Bella**

The sun was barely up, and I was wide awake. I hadn't slept all night, too filled with anxiety to relax. I stumbled out of bed, rubbing my eyes in resignation. I pulled back the curtains of my hotel room and looked out over the San Diego bay, the boats bobbing up and down with the current. The sun made the water sparkle. It was going to be a beautiful day.

Knowing no one would be awake for hours yet, I headed downstairs to the hot tub in the hotel. It would be a perfect way to relax, and my nerves were in knots. There wasn't a spot on my body that didn't hold tension. I rested my head back against the edge of the spa and relished the heat of the water and the pounding of the jets on my tense muscles. After I was sufficiently hot and my skin pruned, I headed back up to my room, where Alice was awake.

"Where were you?" she asked, apparently impressed I had already been productive.

"Down at the hot tub. My nerves are a mess," I confessed.

She laughed, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Well, it _is_ your wedding day. I suppose that's to be expected."

Alice had planned not only her wedding but had done most of the work for mine. I was too busy at work to do an effective job, so she happily stepped in to help, which was so gracious given the distance.

Edward and I had grown to really like San Diego and wanted to have our ceremony by the water. Alice was a machine when it came to planning and had put everything together with precision. Her own wedding had been the previous month and was like something out of Martha Stewart magazine. Every little detail had been perfect.

She was my maid of honor, and Rosalie and Angela were my bridesmaids. Ben and Edward spent a lot of time together at the hospital, and I had become very close with Angela.

The hairstylist and makeup artist were the first to arrive, and from then, on there was a flurry of activity around me - the florist, the family, the caterer. Everything was happening at once, and I was eternally grateful for Alice's presence. I didn't know what I would have done without her.

"Here, have a mimosa, Bella. It'll help with the nerves," Alice said, handing me an oversized, brimming glass, apparently able to read my mind.

I gladly took the drink from her hand. "You're a lifesaver! I knew there was a reason why I love you so much."

When it came time to put on my dress, the reality of the situation hit me. I was going to marry Edward. I still couldn't believe it was actually happening. I couldn't wait to see him standing there at the end of the aisle waiting for me.

_For me._

My dress was off the shoulder and had a fitted bodice, with just a few pleats as detail. The skirt was full and made of a flowing organza. I wore my hair pulled back in the front and down in the back with slight curls. A long veil flowed from the back of my head all the way to the ground. For the first time, I felt like a bride - like a princess. I was filled with excitement yet still a bundle of nerves.

_What if he doesn't show up?_

Thank God Alice comforted me. "I just got a text from Jasper. The guys are here and in the bar downstairs."

_In the bar. Typical guys._

We made our way downstairs to the courtyard that would serve as the backdrop for the ceremony, careful to avoid the hotel bar where the guys were. The photographer took a million pictures, and then I was shuffled away to the lobby where I would be out of sight of the guests.

Then I waited. And waited.

I occasionally peeked out and saw the guests being seated by Edward's groomsmen- Emmett, Jasper and Ben. The string quartet played classical music as the guests were seated.

Finally it was time to line up.

Time stood still as the fanfare began. First down the aisle was Angela, then Rosalie, then Alice. The adorable flower girls crept up the aisle, drawing 'ahs' and 'ohs' from the crowd. Then it was my turn.

The music changed, and the sound of Trumpet Tune by Pursell filled the air. It was my cue. Everyone stood up and turned to look at me.

I thought I was going to faint.

I clutched my dad Charlie's arm for dear life and stepped out into the light. I still couldn't see Edward. I turned a small corner, and there he was. My prince, waiting for me.

To say he looked incredible was an understatement. He was wearing a black tuxedo with a white vest and tie underneath. I'd never seen him in formal clothes, and he wore them well. He gave me a huge smile when our eyes met, and I knew I would be okay.

The walk up the aisle seemed to take forever, my eyes never leaving Edward's. I completely forgot about all the guests and just focused on my groom. It was just us then, no one else mattered.

My dad and I stopped as Edward stepped forward and took my arm. Together, we took the final few steps up to the flower archway, which would serve as the altar.

"You take my breath away," he whispered in my ear. His free hand grasped my arm, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and blinked to stop myself from crying.

The minister gave his introduction and started on the ceremony, but all I could think about was the amazing man on my arm. It still seemed like a dream. The trip to New York had only happened a little more than a year before, and here we were getting married.

It came time for our vows, and we turned to face each other, gazing intensely into the other's eyes. Edward went first, reciting the traditional vows we had chosen. I followed, barely able to get the words out without crying. Edward rubbed my hands gently as I promised him I'd love him forever and despite all obstacles. It wasn't a difficult promise to make.

He placed the ring on my finger and squeezed my hands.

"With this ring, I thee wed," he said softly.

I followed and placed the simple platinum band on his ring finger as I stated my vow.

"With this ring, I thee wed." My voice cracked as I took in the enormity of my words.

The minister continued on with the ceremony, as I gazed lovingly at Edward.

"By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride," the minister stated loudly as the audience clapped.

Edward leaned in and gave me a long, but relatively chaste kiss. He hugged me tightly, and I felt enveloped in his love. We broke our kiss and turned to face the guests.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Isabella Cullen."

_Isabella Cullen._

The music started, and Edward and I made our way back up the aisle, arm in arm, smiling at our guests as we retreated.

As soon as we were out of sight of the guests, I threw my arms around Edward and hugged him tightly.

"We really did it!" I exclaimed.

"Can you believe it?" he said, equally excited.

Within seconds, our friends descended upon us, congratulating us and drowning us in hugs. We waited for the guests to make their way to the reception site and then went to take pictures. The day was becoming a blur.

Our first dance was to "Is This Love" by Bob Marley. It seemed appropriate to dance our first dance as husband and wife to reggae, just as we'd done at the start of our relationship. We swayed in each other's arms as Edward kissed me lightly on my cheek. His arms caressed my back gently as we took in the lyrics of the song we both loved.

_I wanna love you and treat you right;  
I wanna love you every day and every night:  
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads;  
We'll share the shelter of my single bed;  
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.  
Is this love - is this love - is this love -  
Is this love that I'm feelin'?  
Is this love - is this love - is this love -  
Is this love that I'm feelin'?  
I wanna know - wanna know - wanna know now!  
I got to know - got to know - got to know now!  
_

I never wanted to let go of him. My husband. We completely tuned out everyone around us and focused solely on each other.

The rest of the reception went by in a blur, and before I knew it, it was time to go back to the room. I had arranged to have someone go back to the room before we got there to light candles and dim the lights so the ambience would be right when we arrived. Edward had no idea.

We walked hand in hand to the room, overwhelmed by the events of the day.

Edward opened the door and smiled when he saw the room.

"Wow, how did you do this?" Edward asked, as he turned and looked at me.

"Well, I'm full of surprises," I said flashing my best seductive grin. "I wanted it to be perfect for my husband, so I arranged it ahead of time."

"It is perfect. Just like my wife," he said, scooping me up and carrying me into the room.

He set me down gently and grasped my face in his hands.

"Well, Mrs. Cullen, what should we do now?" he smirked, leaning down kissing my shoulder.

_Mrs. Cullen. I could definitely get used to that._

"I've got a few ideas," I replied, seductively.

He turned me around and began the painstaking process of unbuttoning my dress, kissing my neck and shoulders while he moved. As he unbuttoned the final button, he slid the dress slowly off my body, revealing the white lace corset and garter I wore underneath.

"Bella, you are exquisite," he said breathily, as his hands steadied on my waist.

I turned to face him and helped him out of his jacket and vest. I took my time unbuttoning his shirt as his hands roamed my waist, his eyes never leaving my body. I liked having his eyes on me, and I knew my lingerie was having the desired effect.

I slid his pants off, leaving him in just his boxers standing before me.

"I want to make love to my wife," he whispered in my ear. "Over and over."

His control had reached an end, and I could see the immense desire in his eyes. He led me to the bed and laid me down gently. His hands drifted to my shoes, and he carefully removed each one. Layer by layer he undressed me until I was naked on the bed before him. He slid his own boxers off and lowered himself on top of me.

I spread my legs to allow him access, and he quickly positioned himself above me.

With one quick thrust, he entered me, and my hands moved around his back to pull him closer.

"Mine," he said softly. "All mine."

He pulled out and then thrust forcefully into me again, causing me to gasp and close my eyes.

"Oh God, yes, all yours."

With that, his movements picked up pace, and he was panting and gasping as his hands gripped the bed. He was claiming me as his with each thrust, and together we were frantic for each other. He was powerful and masculine as the muscles of his body tensed.

He brought me quickly to my climax, and before I regained my composure, I felt another orgasm rip through me. His thrusts continued, and just as he exploded inside of me, another orgasm hit me, and we fell over the edge together. We lay there, still connected to one another until our breathing returned to normal.

He kissed my neck softly. "I love you so much."

"You are my life now, Edward. I'll love you forever." I ran my hands through his hair.

He placed a light kiss on my lips, but I wanted more. I deepened the kiss, and he responded with vigor. We kissed passionately as our hands roamed, needing all the contact we could get. Eventually, we grew tired, and as much as I didn't want the night to end, I knew it had to.

I lay down next to him, with my head on his shoulder.

"We should probably get to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow," I said, taking note of the time.

"Yeah, we do." He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tightly. "Now we get to go on a honeymoon."

He smiled a devious smile, and I couldn't help but smile back. We were headed to New York the next day for the first stop on our honeymoon, where we would have three days to enjoy the sites. I looked forward to visiting the places which had marked the beginning of our relationship. From there, we were headed to Italy to spend ten days traveling. I couldn't wait. I really needed some down time after all the stress of wedding planning, despite all of Alice's help. I just needed to be alone with Edward.

"Goodnight, baby," I said, rubbing his chest.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Cullen," he replied and then paused. "I like the sound of that."

"I like it, too."

_More than you could ever know._

And with that, we fell into a deep, blissful sleep.

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**A/N: Well, what did you think? Was it worth the wait? Thanks for all your thoughts on an outtake. I do have one written, and I'll post it probably on Thursday. **

**Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought of the wedding. I really value the feedback. **

**Thanks to my peeps this week. You know I love you guys! **

**One more to go…**


	30. Chapter 30 Beginnings

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 30: Beginnings**

**Bella**

I parked the car in one of the visitor's spots at the hospital. I knew I shouldn't bother Edward at work, but I needed to talk to him and didn't think it could wait.

Edward's residency had been grueling. He worked ridiculously long hours, and our marriage had been truly put to the test. I couldn't imagine how our relationship would have been had I still been in Seattle, and we'd tried to keep it up as together but living separately. I was sure we'd have broken up by this point. It was hard enough living in the same house. He was stressed and tired all the time, and I spent a lot of time alone or with friends. But we were committed to making it work, and we both knew it wouldn't be like this forever. He was planning on joining a pediatric practice once his residency was over in the fall and had already been interviewing for it. Hearing him talk about it made me happy. His face always lit up with excitement.

I took the elevator to his floor and approached the nurse's station to see if I could steal him away for a few minutes. Jessica Stanley was there and came around to give me a hug.

"Hey," she said cheerily, "I didn't know you were coming by today. Edward didn't mention it. I wish I would have known - I have that book I've been telling you about and want to give it to you."

I shrugged. "It wasn't really planned. You know how it goes."

"I know. It's crazy around here. Listen, I'll go let Edward know you're here," she said as she grabbed a clipboard off the counter.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

She began to walk away down the hallway. "Call me later. I feel like I haven't talked to you forever."

"Yeah, I know. I'll give you a ring and we can grab some coffee." I waved before she turned around.

Things hadn't always been so easy for Jessica and me. She was standoffish when I first met her, and I assumed she didn't like me for some reason. It came out after a few glasses of wine one night that she'd had a crush on Edward when he first moved to San Diego. She even admitted to hitting on him but reassured me he had been very clear about us being a couple. I trusted Edward and she'd apologized profusely for being so judgmental, but it did make me a little nervous at first. He saw her a lot more than he saw me, and it bothered me knowing she'd harbored feelings for him, even old ones. She'd tried reassuring me that she didn't feel that way about Edward anymore, and I believed her, but it was still weird.

Eventually, she and Mike began dating, and it was obvious she was crazy about him. I knew she didn't still want Edward in any other way than as a friend, so it made it easier for us to be friends. She and Mike had actually become good friends of ours, and we saw them often. They had gotten engaged over the holidays and were planning a beach wedding in the fall. I was happy for them – they really did make a great couple.

"I wasn't expecting you." Edward's voice startled me. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

He walked closer and pulled me in for a quick kiss.

I smiled, as I always did when I saw him. My feelings for him were just as strong as they'd ever been. "Do you have a minute to chat?"

"Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?" He had a concerned look on his face as he pulled me into an unused exam room and shut the door behind us.

I was nervous. I'd thought about how I wanted this to go all morning, but now that I was actually here, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

"Bella," he said, pulling me from my thoughts, "you're making me nervous. What's going on?"

I sat on the exam table while he watched anxiously. "I'm sorry to barge in on you at work, but I thought this should be done in person, and I didn't know if I'd see you tonight or not before I went to bed."

He shifted his weight, and his brow furrowed.

"Something's come up," I looked down at my hands, which were folded on my knees.

"Fuck, Bella, just tell me. You're freaking me out right now." I looked up into his eyes and could see the stress plain on his face.

"I'm pregnant."

There, that wasn't so hard.

But I was still a mess.

We hadn't been trying to get pregnant so soon. We'd always said we wanted to wait at least a year until Edward was firmly settled in his new practice, but life doesn't always work that way.

I couldn't decipher the look on his face, and that made me nervous. Was he happy? Angry? Disappointed?

"Edward, please say something," I implored. "Now I'm the one who's freaking out."

"Are you sure? I mean…how did this happen?"

I shrugged. "Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are. I have no idea what went wrong with my pills, but I guess nature had other plans for us."

"Yeah…I guess so." He was furiously running his hands through his hair.

"You look disappointed. I know this wasn't planned, but now that I've had a little while to process this, I'm excited. I know you'll be an amazing father. We'll work it out." I kept spewing words, hoping to pacify him.

He pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. "You think I'm disappointed? God, Bella, I'm sorry if I made you think that. I'm not disappointed. How could I be? I'm surprised for sure, but I'd never be disappointed."

I felt sighed audibly. "Are you sure?"

He pulled back from the hug and cupped my face in his hands. "Positive. This wasn't what we planned, but we both knew we wanted kids eventually. Now it'll just be a little earlier than we thought." He kissed my forehead and then my lips gently.

"Thank you." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I was so happy he was okay with this.

"I love you. You don't have to thank me. It's enough that you're going to have my baby. That's all the thanks I need."

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"Edward," I said, shaking him as he snored softly. "Get up!"

The man slept like a log.

I shook him again. "Edward! I'm serious. You have to get up."

He moaned and pulled me into him, trying to get me to shut up and stop bothering him. I knew this trick. He used it all the time, knowing full well I couldn't resist his charms.

He pulled me into a kiss, but I held my ground, pressing back on his chest. "Babe, I've been having contractions since three in the morning, and I'm pretty sure my water just broke."

He shot up to sitting. "Shit, why didn't you say so? Fuck…are you okay? Do you need anything?" He was so cute when stressed, especially about the baby.

"I'm fine, but we should probably get going."

He'd been great throughout my pregnancy, making sure I was getting plenty of rest and taking care of me. I'd never seen him so overprotective. I teased him constantly: if he could have carried the baby for me, he'd have done it.

He flew out of the bed and began to get our bags together. We'd been packed for weeks, but we still needed to add our toiletries and some clothes.

"How far apart are the contractions?" He yelled from the bathroom as I pulled on a sweatshirt.

"About six minutes…ah…shit…" Just then I was hit with a wave of pain and leaned on the wall for support. Edward came flying around the corner and put his hands tentatively on my arms.

"Just breathe, baby…oh shit…" He looked frantic, which was enough to distract me from the pain temporarily. He'd delivered babies before, but I guess it was different when it was his.

The pain passed, and I continued to get dressed. Soon enough we were on our way to the hospital. I had a few contractions on the way, and Edward tried to comfort me as he drove. He looked like a maniac, and I couldn't help but laugh when I wasn't in pain.

By the time we got to the hospital, Edward had called everyone in the family to let them know it was time. I was in a considerable amount of pain by that point and was hoping to get some painkillers in me.

There was no one more afraid of giving birth than me. I was terrified. I felt like I'd spent nine months waiting for a car crash. Knowing the date that I was going to be in the worst pain of my life instilled fear in me like nothing else. But I also knew the reward would be so worth it. I couldn't wait to see my baby's face and hold him or her in my arms. But I had to get through this first, and I was not good with pain.

"Edward!" I spat, gripping him for dear life. "Get me into a fucking room!"

Edward, not used to my overbearing attitude and blatant cursing, realized I must have been in some serious pain and began trying to pull his weight with his former coworkers to get me admitted.

"Hang on, Bella! They're prepping a room for us now." He didn't know whether or not to touch me and opted against it. It was probably the best bet.

I felt like an alien had taken over my body. I was fickle about what I wanted – one minute I'd ask Edward to rub my back and the next I'd swat his hands away for even coming near me. I felt bad, but it didn't stop me from acting possessed. I was in too much pain.

I curled into a ball and sighed as the worst contraction I'd had thus far faded. I really needed the anesthesiologist. I begged Edward to find out what was keeping him.

After what seemed like forever, my doctor and someone I seriously hoped was the anesthesiologist came into the room. I had never been so happy to see anyone in my life. Sure enough, I was rewarded with an epidural, and finally felt human again. I was actually nice to Edward, but he remained optimistically cautious, unsure if the real Bella was back to stay or not.

After a while, my doctor came back and checked me, telling me the news I'd been dying to hear – I was ready to push. This was the moment I'd been waiting for, and I had never felt so scared and exhilarated at the same time. At last we were going to meet our baby.

I only had to push a few times before the doctor said the head was out. Edward was my rock, keeping me focused and grounded on the task at hand. I was exhausted but knew I needed to stay strong.

I pushed one last, intense time, and the baby came out.

"Congratulations," the doctor said. "It's a girl."

I couldn't stop the tears as I looked up at Edward and saw the look of adoration on his face. A little girl. We had a little girl.

Edward leaned in and kissed me as tears flowed down his face. I'd never seen him cry before.

It was a blur of activity after that as the nurse took the baby to a station located right by my bed. I couldn't see the baby well, only flashes of purple skin as they cleaned her up. All I wanted was to hear her cry, and then, just as I was getting worried, I heard it – a tiny squeal packed with the punch of a very angry little girl.

"Is she okay?" I asked through my tears. "Edward? Is she okay?"

"She's perfect," the nurse said, holding her up and handing her to me.

I held the tiny girl in my arms, noticing the wispy hair on her head. She had a perfect little face. She was perfect.

Edward leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Hello, beautiful," he whispered and then kissed her again.

Edward held our daughter with a reverence I'd never seen before as the doctor finished up with me. I couldn't take my eyes off them. He rocked her and kissed her, and the love he felt for her was so obvious on his face. My heart was full of emotion and love.

When it was just the two of us, he sat on the side of the bed while I held our beautiful baby girl, and we just stared at her, unwrapping her blankets, marveling at the tiny, complete little person, unable to comprehend that she was really here – healthy and beautiful. She was a miracle.

"So, you do know we have to name her," Edward said as he caressed her head. "We can't put it off forever."

We'd been unable to narrow down a name and decided we'd wait and see the baby, and hopefully we'd just know.

"What about Renesmee? You know, combining both of our moms' names?" he asked, chuckling.

"You can't be serious. She'll be tortured for life. You aren't serious, are you?" I caressed my sweet little baby's cheeks. "No, she needs a name she can be proud of."

As I looked into the face of our daughter, I knew.

"I think Elizabeth," I said, looking at Edward. "I think your grandmother would approve."

Elizabeth had been a family name in Edward's family for generations. His grandmother was the most recent. He'd always had a great relationship with her, and we both wanted to honor her in some way.

He smiled and kissed me sweetly. "I think Elizabeth is perfect. But only if she gets a name from your family, too."

"Elizabeth Renee. It's got a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"I do. Elizabeth Renee Cullen. It's perfect."

He scooted up next to me and put his arms around me, kissing my temple. "I was so proud of you today, baby. You always say you're terrible with pain, but you were amazing. I'm completely overwhelmed right now."

"It's pretty surreal, isn't it? I mean, we have a daughter."

"A daughter. Wow."

He rested his forehead on my shoulder. "I love you, Bella. You astound me."

"I love you, too. So much. We've come a long way."

He chuckled. "Yeah, we have. So what happens now?"

It was my turn to laugh. "I have no idea, but whatever it is, we'll do it together as a family."

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**A/N: Well, that's it. I hope you enjoyed this story. The last chapter was one of my least reviewed chapters, which made me very nervous. You guys still out there? If you've been reading and never left me a review, please do let me know what you thought. **

**Many, many thanks to Viola Cornuta, my beta, who helped me so much with this fic and always in record time and with a smile. I appreciate it so much. Also, I love my pre-readers for giving me the confidence to post chapters despite my nerves. I have a great team, so thank you! **

**What's next? I have a new fic in the works called **_**Confidential**_**. I'm really liking it so far, and I hope you'll stick around for that. I have great readers, and I can't wait to see what you think of my new story. It should be up very shortly. Please make sure I'm on author alert so you get notified. **

**Thanks so much for reading, and with that, I click Complete!**


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